I’ve heard nothing but good things about the new Martin Scorsese film The Wolf of Wall Street so I decided to set aside three hours of my time and watch Leonardo DiCaprio and Jonah Hill get fucked up with all sorts of debauchery. Sadly, there was this couple behind me who decided it was the perfect time to have a long conversation about their relationship and the film itself. Since I couldn’t pay attention to the movie, I decided to just eavesdrop and write about their heartfelt conversation as it distracted everybody sitting nearby from enjoying the film they paid good money for.
The conversation was gripping, actually. It started early on when DiCaprio’s character, Jordan Belfort, started sniffing lines of coke on his desk. I was starting to get into the movie when the girl sitting behind me turned to her husband and loudly asked “what is he sniffing?” Of course, the husband took the time to explain that DiCaprio was sniffing cocaine and it is an illegal drug to make junkies high. And that only addicts and evil people use it.
Now if there’s anything I love while watching a movie, it’s when people narrate what is happening on-screen. While the entire frigging theater can see it. And the couple did just that, with their blow-by-blow description of what was going on. And it helps that they also misunderstood the movie’s plot because they kept on talking over the goddamn movie instead of, you know, watching it. That really made things easier for everybody within earshot.
What I really admire from the noisy couple, whatsoever, is their resiliency. They continued with their discussion of what is happening in front of them despite me everybody else giving them the evil eye (and the occasional passive-aggressive “coughshut the fuck upcough” from random audience members) for ruining movie night. Being seated in front of this couple actually had a nice bonus – our row was treated to a number of surprise kicks from the woman, which was a nice way of showing the twenty people sitting in the row before her that she does not understand the concept of personal space.
All in all, the couple who talked through The Wolf of Wall Street managed to ruin the movie for everybody nearby with their noise and total disregard of theater etiquette. I give this couple a 5/5, and I recommend throwing your popcorn bucket into their faces if you do run into them.
If you’re looking for somebody to ruin movie night for you, I highly recommend this couple.