Movies, Reviews

The Wolf of Wall Street: A Review of the Conversation of the Couple Sitting Behind Me

I’ve heard nothing but good things about the new Martin Scorsese film The Wolf of Wall Street so I decided to set aside three hours of my time and watch Leonardo DiCaprio and Jonah Hill get fucked up with all sorts of debauchery. Sadly, there was this couple behind me who decided it was the perfect time to have a long conversation about their relationship and the film itself. Since I couldn’t pay attention to the movie, I decided to just eavesdrop and write about their heartfelt conversation as it distracted everybody sitting nearby from enjoying the film they paid good money for.

The Wolf of Wall Street Review

The conversation was gripping, actually. It started early on when DiCaprio’s character, Jordan Belfort, started sniffing lines of coke on his desk. I was starting to get into the movie when the girl sitting behind me turned to her husband and loudly asked “what is he sniffing?” Of course, the husband took the time to explain that  DiCaprio was sniffing cocaine and it is an illegal drug to make junkies high. And that only addicts and evil people use it.

The Wolf of Wall Street Review

Now if there’s anything I love while watching a movie, it’s when people narrate what is happening on-screen. While the entire frigging theater can see it. And the couple did just that, with their blow-by-blow description of what was going on. And it helps that they also misunderstood the movie’s plot because they kept on talking over the goddamn movie instead of, you know, watching it. That really made things easier for everybody within earshot.

The Wolf of Wall Street Review

What I really admire from the noisy couple, whatsoever, is their resiliency. They continued with their discussion of what is happening in front of them despite me everybody else giving them the evil eye (and the occasional passive-aggressive “coughshut the fuck upcough” from random audience members) for ruining movie night. Being seated in front of this couple actually had a nice bonus – our row was treated to a number of surprise kicks from the woman, which was a nice way of showing the twenty people sitting in the row before her that she does not understand the concept of personal space.


All in all, the couple who talked through The Wolf of Wall Street managed to ruin the movie for everybody nearby with their noise and total disregard of theater etiquette. I give this couple a 5/5, and I recommend throwing your popcorn bucket into their faces if you do run into them.

RATING:

If you’re looking for somebody to ruin movie night for you, I highly recommend this couple.

5 Comments

  1. This is why I’m pro gun control since I have very little patience. Like that beautiful scene in God Bless America.

    Related: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/14/us/florida-man-is-shot-to-death-for-texting-during-movie-previews.html

  2. Jhay

    When my wife and I watched Insidious 2, the girl to my left kept on using her damn phone and the screen was so bright, she practically had a flashlight to my face. I didn’t let her spoil our movie date so she got an earful from yours truly.

  3. Pilar Dollano

    Kamag-anak nila yung mga Unnecessarily Loud Laughers na proud sobra dahil sila lang ang nakakagets ng jokes

  4. Holy shit that is the worst. For 3 hours?! I would have said something past the half hour mark. There was a ringtone (a song!) that kept playing when I saw it. Parang the owner kept forgettig it was his. How the fuck do you not know your own song ringtone?

  5. Holy shit that is the worst. For 3 hours?! I would have said something past the half hour mark. There was a ringtone (a song!) that kept playing when I saw it. Parang the owner kept forgettig it was his. How the fuck do you not know your own song ringtone?

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