If you’ve been following my blog for the longest time you would know that I’ve been making one wrong decision after another, and today I decided to turn my life around. This epiphany that I had this morning is almost like waking up next to Emma Watson.
But, really. I woke up this morning, looked for Emma Watson, was slightly pissed off because she wasn’t there, and – BAM – epiphany. This is probably the most important decision I have ever made and I shall share it with all of you.
Today, I decided to eat salad.
What.
Anyway, what is up with those plastic containers salads are served in? Every salad I buy lately gets progressively harder to open. Somehow, the container gets progressively tighter every time I try prying them open.
These fuckers.
I wish those stupid containers would just open up easily and give up those treasures they contain within. Just like, you know, your mom.
So I just sat there on my office desk and stupidly tried to open the salad. I had both hands on the container, trying very hard to tear the cover apart, but damn, it won’t budge. I mean, I know people lose some strength and stamina when they gain weight, but this is fucking ridiculous.
So I struggled for an hour and a half just trying to get the goddamn salad container open, but dammit, I was sweaty and panting like crazy. I went to the pantry and grabbed a fork so I can use it to either open the salad or to stab it to death if it still gets stupid on me.
So I tried a bunch of stuff to get it open, mainly:
- Shake it with all my might while screaming. Well that was until I realized I was tossing salad.
- Bribed the salad to open by holding a thousand-peso bill in front of it.
- Screamed the fuck out, and threatened to kick the salad into a deep ditch if it doesn’t comply (of course, I really wouldn’t do that; I was hungry and… that was my lunch).
- Stabbed it with a fork.
- Rang its doorbell, put a burning pile of dog manure at its doorstep, and ran away giggling.
After an hour of doing shit like that, I got tired, flipped off the now-battered salad container, and went off to the nearest McDonald’s. I was starving, so I grabbed a Double Quarter Pounder, ate it in under 30 seconds, and went back, full and contented and with my arteries probably clogging up some more.
Now I prepared to throw the salad away, I realized that it was just taped shut.
… DAMMIT.
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i don't know if i would envy you or what..but you know i don't have problems with salad containers..my GF usually makes one for me and i eat it on a bowl…
Short but sweet.
You will be missed, Pres. Cory!
those evil evil salads! tsk! i’m fortunate in that i’ve never met such a creature. *shivers*
Salads are such formidable opponents. I am having a hard time slaying just one,
sorry for the caps earlier…got carried away… had too much coffee LOLZ
The easiest way to eat salad is from the branches of the tress or directly from the shrubs. Try to mimic a Giraffe and extend your neck to each the twigs and stuff.
I tried it once. I didn't like it. True story.
It’s a sign man. You are not meant for salad. Fate dictates it.
More lechon kawali for me then!
I think the Salad won this round. Better luck next time, Ade!
NO, the main reason is called "THE INTERNET", not cory aquino…
LOL what a witty remark. You're so smart and witty. /sarcasm
LOL WHATTA FUNNEY
wow. mabeberi gud ka nanaman sa titser mo sa hekasi !!! mag-uwi ka ng maraming star sa nanay mo!!!
LOL, you make "THE FUNNY." The main reason for what again?
from the original post…
"So let me just say this: the very fact that we have the freedom to post practically whatever we want in these here weblogs stem from this little thing she inspired called ‘People Power.’ And that’s awesome."
the internet, and lax internet guidelines allow us to post whatever we want, not cory aquino…
Shungangers.
collins loves you. get it on already, and don't forget to take pics.
I… I… what if he's a bot?
Spammers are getting smarter these days. I get more spam comments that sound/look like legit comments, the thing is they always fail to match their comments with the blog post topic. I also see that spammers are starting to use gravatars now. 😛
Jigs: Please watch your use of ellipsis. Anyway, you’re falling into the trap of treating the Internet and society as two separate objects and contexts. They’re not; our ability to freely express thoughts “out here” in society translates to our ability to freely express thoughts “in here” in society. I’m not – and I probably will not – be the first or the last guy to ever make an ultra-pro-Cory comment that will attribute everything in post-1986 society to her: that will be odd, and that is disdainful towards history. Yet Cory, in many ways, inspired People Power, and that… Read more »
the internet and lax internet guidelines, and not cory aquino. indeed.
ah, yes. so had she not spearheaded the return to democracy, the internet would still give us the opportunity to freely express our sentiments?
quite possibly you have not heard of the great firewall of china and similar restrictions on the internet performed by authoritarian states without a concept of free expression?
*shrugs*
We're thankful because we are given someone who fought for our freedom, because back then, not everyone wanted to take the challenge.
I think that guy is thankful for the internet at least he has something he can call a life right?
Talk about short sighted and narrow minded.
Got any exercises to extend my neck?
Word.
Yowch! I guess salads and Ades just don't mix. 😀