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A couple of days ago, I figured in a small accident. It was the effect of a mixture of stupidity and my inherent clumsiness; I ended up comically landing on the sidewalk. The thing is, the cement seems to have gone through a jackhammer recently, and it was all jagged and shit. To add to the humiliation of tripping in front of all those people and having nobody help me, I also got a skinned left palm, a wound on my right elbow, and most of my right knee ended up skinned as well.

Reenactment.

In hindsight, entering the nearest Mini Stop bleeding profusely while asking the cashier for a band-aid – yes, a fucking band-aid – was kind of hilarious, even though I freaked out everyone for getting blood on the floor. And the prospect of massive blood loss? Not fun. (more…)

Dear Girl Who Accidentally Touched My Bird in The Elevator,

So I was standing in the elevator minding my own business, right? And I was busy talking to The Mordo and Helga, minding my own business when your group just came in barging. I counted between 7-10 people. It should’ve been an ordinary crowded elevator moment. But you had to come in, texting and not minding your surroundings and swinging your arms like crazy. Yep, swinging your arms like crazy in a crowded elevator.

Guess where your hand landed.

Reenactment

So, Girl Who Accidentally Touched My Bird in The Elevator, I usually don’t mind. Accidents do happen, you know. But it was really amusing to see you stop in your tracks, freeze for around thirty seconds, panic written across your face. At this point I was so fucking trying to keep my laughter in. So I decided to do what any other gentleman would do in such an awkward situation: stare at you and keep the awkwardness up for the long elevator ride from the 25th floor down to the ground floor. (more…)

Hailing the cab

ME: I need to get to Ortigas. Fast.

DRIVER: Okay. We’ll take EDSA?

ME: Whichever way is faster is fine by me, but yes, EDSA sounds good.

DRIVER: Well then, EDSA it is. Brace yourself–

ME: HOLY FUCK DID YOU JUST GO FROM ZERO TO SIXTY IN FIVE SECONDS?!

DRIVER: Actually… zero to sixty-five. Big difference, you know.

ME: But– but– YOU DIDN’T EVEN GIVE ME TIME TO PUT MY SEATBELT ON!

DRIVER: Seatbelt? Those big straps by our seats? You mean people use those things? What do they do, protect you from injuries in case of a car crash?

ME: Actually, yes.

DRIVER: Pussy.

(more…)