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I just realized that it’s just a less than a week before Valentine’s Day. As much as I try block out the world when everyone starts to become mushy, there will be a couple of people who will break into my zen bubble and piss the hell out of me. You will then see me retreat into my room, crying, bird in hand, wanking off.

Okay, to be really honest, I’m not even making a huge deal out of Valentine’s anymore. It’s like the whole novelty of the stupid day has died for me. (more…)

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A couple of days ago, I figured in a small accident. It was the effect of a mixture of stupidity and my inherent clumsiness; I ended up comically landing on the sidewalk. The thing is, the cement seems to have gone through a jackhammer recently, and it was all jagged and shit. To add to the humiliation of tripping in front of all those people and having nobody help me, I also got a skinned left palm, a wound on my right elbow, and most of my right knee ended up skinned as well.

Reenactment.

In hindsight, entering the nearest Mini Stop bleeding profusely while asking the cashier for a band-aid – yes, a fucking band-aid – was kind of hilarious, even though I freaked out everyone for getting blood on the floor. And the prospect of massive blood loss? Not fun. (more…)

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So I was supposed to watch James Cameron’s comeback film, Avatar, last weekend. However, due to unforseen circumstances, I wasn’t able to make it to the last full show. I’m not supposed to tell you the details, but it involved a velociraptor and Jesus. I’d like to tell you more, but I promised the cops I won’t talk about that again. But the whole point is that I’m supposed to be writing a review about this film that I haven’t even seen, and I’m panicking the shit out. In an act of desperation, I open up a torrent website, and search for and download Avatar.

Now I don’t have a way to figure out if I did get the real thing. But then, the movie’s going to be about a bunch of half-naked blue men prancing around, saying stuff in gibberish, while being totally epic in the signature James Cameron way. If I see one blue guy in the film, then I’m pretty sure it’s Avatar, right? There can’t be too many films featuring blue guys. So I double-click the movie file, slouch in my chair for a few hours of cinematic bliss, and watch as blue-skinned CGI people wage war against- wait, what the fuck? (more…)

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INNER CHILD: So, Ade, what are your New Year’s resolutions for 2010?
ME: I dunno kid, I’m not really into making resolutions.
INNER CHILD: WHAT? You suck. Don’t be a fucking fornicating shit-eating faggot and try to improve yourself for the new decade!
ME: … that has got to be the most obscene stream of words I’ve ever heard coming out of your mouth.
INNER CHILD: Even more obscene than “horse-fucking twat sucking clit fucker shitface?” Because that’s what I think whenever I hear your name.
ME: …
INNER CHILD: In case you haven’t figured it out, it’s because I think you’re a horse-fucking twat sucking clit fucker shitface.
ME: …
INNER CHILD: So, make a new year’s resolution already, you asshole. Try to make your life suck less this 2010. I know you got a new laptop and all you wanna do is to tweak the shit out of it and kill zombies with plants, but come on, you’re better than that. (more…)

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Happy New Year! This is a new beginning, people! New year! New DECADE!

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So I finally did it. After months of saving up, I went out and got me a brand-new laptop.

You guys all remember the time when I bought my first laptop, right? I saved up for months so I can afford the super-cheap Asus Eee PC 701. I was kind of an idiot back then, and I thought that since all I did was to surf the internet and look for porn, a laptop with specs that were top-of-the-line seven years ago and running a stripped-down version of Linux was enough. Big mistake.

Sure, I had fun dicking around with various distros of Linux. I even got Doom to run on it. I even got an offer to write on a blog about the Asus Eee. And when I finally installed Windows XP on MacEnvy (Yes, that’s what I named my laptop. What.), it took me a couple of days trimming all the fat from the OS, and I did learn a lot (something along the lines of “do not delete the nice file called SYSTEM32.exe”), but two years onward, having a first-generation netbook that doesn’t do much kind of became a pain. (more…)

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… wait.

This isn’t exactly what I had in mind, but um, Merry Christmas everyone!

May you have a happy holiday full of peace and love and wonderfulness and all that stuff that gives you a warm fuzzy feeling inside.

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