Noisy Noisy Man

Ruining The Internet Since 2005

Doctor Who: Death In Heaven [Review]

The last time I’ve seen a Doctor Who finale this satisfying was with The Big Bang from way back in 2010. Death In Heaven is a fantastic, if subdued, finale that neatly ties almost all of the ideas that were introduced with Peter Capaldi’s first outing as the Doctor. I wasn’t able to review the entirety of Doctor Who series 8 because I was either too busy or was experiencing website issues. So sit back, and I’ll talk about Death In Heaven and the first eleven episodes that led us here.

Warning: spoilers after this point.

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What's On My Mobile Game Playlist?

I haven’t been playing games as much as I used to, mainly because life caught up with me. I don’t have time beyond swiping out my phone in the middle of the commute and sneaking a peek at a game now and then. Yes, people, I have a life. Or maybe I sleep too much when I’m not working. I don’t know.

Anyway, here are some of the games on mobile I’ve been playing lately.

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Doctor Who Series 8 Starts in 8 Days!

I don’t know about you, but it’s been far too long since we’ve had a proper Doctor Who fix. We were left hanging after Matt Smith regenerated into Peter Capaldi way back in December’s The Time of the Doctor. Now it’s eight days before August 23, and we’ll get to watch Capaldi play a reportedly darker Doctor.

Are you excited? I know I am. Sound off your thoughts in the comments!

New Superman Image From "Batman V Superman: Dawn Of Justice" Teases A Whole Lot Of Nothing

So last night, DC released this new image of Superman from the impossibly-titled Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice.

So here’s Superman standing and scowling at the rooftops of what appears to be Gotham City. Probably moments before Batman pounces on him and stabs him with a kryptonite knife.

So he has very minimal costume changes, but apparently a whole lot of fanboys have started to dissect the image and see what minuscule clues a heavily-photoshopped image can provide for the plot of a movie that is coming out in two years. Continue reading

"The Amazing Spider-Man 2" Review: Full of heart, but still leaves you cold

I absolutely enjoyed the first Amazing Spider-Man. Sure, it had its faults – mainly being a reboot of a franchise that was still fresh in peoples’ minds, going through a lengthy origin story that was already tackled in depth by the Sam Raimi trilogy, and taking on almost the exact story beats that the first Spider-Man movie used, and an ultimately mediocre villain in Lizard – but it featured an origin that was faithful to the comics and a Peter Parker that was closer to the original Stan Lee characterization.

WARNING: MAJOR SPOILERS FOR AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2. Continue reading

"Son of Batman" Review

Damian Wayne is a little piece of shit.

That’s the first thing you need to know about Batman’s kid. But there’s a backstory to it, before you go off hating the… little piece of shit. He’s the illegitimate son of Batman and Talia al Ghul. He was raised, without his father knowing of his existence, by an isolated group of ninja assassins who commit terrorist acts in the name of the environment. His grandfather is Ra’s al Ghul, an insane assasin who is a few hundred years old, made almost immortal by a mystical pool of glowing green liquid.

Yeah, that will kind of mess up a kid’s mind.

Anyway, let’s talk about the animated adaptation of Son of Batman. In this story, Batman discovers that all this time he’s had a kid raised as a killer, by one of his enemies, and the mother of his kid just leaves Damian with Bruce. Oh no, a guy who has made a career out of alienating almost everybody in his life now has to connect with the son he never knew he had! Comedy ensues! Except not really. Continue reading

Captain America: The Winter Soldier Review

Let me just get this out of the way. Captain America is in my top four favorite superheroes, mainly because of Ed Brubaker’s now-classic run which heavily relied on espionage and spy drama. And of course, Brubaker’s The Winter Soldier stands out to me the most as having the balls to mess with the established mythos and revitalize the character for years to come. You see, The Winter Soldier may not my favorite Captain America storyline, but it’s pretty damn close for it set the pieces in motion for some of the greatest Cap stories ever.

Which brings us to Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Warning: MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD. Continue reading

An Open Letter to 40-Year Old Ade

Dear 40-Year Old Ade,

Hey there, man. How are you doing? Are you doing ok? Are you finally get married or did you finally snap and buy a real doll and kept it in your room? Do you have kids and did you really push through with naming them “Genetic Experiments #1, 2, 3…” and if you did, what is wrong with you? (And when nobody is looking, I will high five you because, come on, that is awesome.)

Right now, I’m not doing too well. You know whenever you think you’re doing well and you hit the point where you think the world is your oyster and that you’re all good? And then you stumble into another one of those existential crises you loved to get yourself into back in your 20’s. Anyway, I have a feeling so many of the things that are important and pressing to me at the moment probably don’t matter at all at this point, like the great iPhone vs Android debate. I’m pretty sure the robot uprising already happened by then, and you’re regretting your current dependence on your smartphone, unless you have been assimilated by the great singularity, in which case this letter is pointless. Continue reading

What The Hell Is Up With Justice League: War?

In one scene in Justice League: War, Wonder Woman, new to the ways of the world outside Themyscira, meets a young girl. The girl takes Wonder Woman to a man selling ice cream, and our super-powered heroine  gets herself a cone. She takes one taste and she is enthralled. She takes out her sword, raises it into the air, and exclaims: “Ice cream is WONDERFUL!”

That’s the sort of movie Justice League: War is. Continue reading

The Wolf of Wall Street: A Review of the Conversation of the Couple Sitting Behind Me

I’ve heard nothing but good things about the new Martin Scorsese film The Wolf of Wall Street so I decided to set aside three hours of my time and watch Leonardo DiCaprio and Jonah Hill get fucked up with all sorts of debauchery. Sadly, there was this couple behind me who decided it was the perfect time to have a long conversation about their relationship and the film itself. Since I couldn’t pay attention to the movie, I decided to just eavesdrop and write about their heartfelt conversation as it distracted everybody sitting nearby from enjoying the film they paid good money for. Continue reading

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