Archive | July, 2006

An Open Letter to my Brain

31 Jul

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This entry is part 2 of 12 in the series Open Letters

Dear Brain,

How are you? It’s been almost two weeks since I’ve last heard from you, and frankly, I don’t know what you’ve been up to. I need your help, old friend. You see, I’m having trouble updating this blog of mine for some time now, because you’re not cooperating. I’ve been asking you for ideas for some time now. But all you’ve been giving me are mediocre ideas that I can’t even expound on. Quite frankly, I can’t imagine “The Awesomeness of Judi Dench’s Wrinkles” making anybody laugh.

Why can’t you come up with those awesome stuff that we used to make just a few months ago? We used to be an awesome duo. I just look at some totally gross picture, and then your gears start running and then we come up with the awesomest blog entries evar. Why have you abandoned me? I never failed in fulfilling my obligations to you: I get enough sleep, I eat nutritious food, I read all the smut, I mean, scientific journals that I can get my hands on to keep you informed. What more can you ask for? All I’m asking is that you just get back to your old self and be awesome again.

So brain, I hope that you hear my impassioned plea and that you also help me out here. Thanks.

Sincerely,
Ade

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updates soon

30 Jul

I’m working on an update. Apologies for the delay. My schedule has been hell lately.

The Clueless Wonders of the Blogosphere: The Clueless Spammer

19 Jul

This entry will offend all you blogwhores out there. That’s why you must read this. Also, you can read part one here.

Lately my blog has been experiencing a deluge of spam messages that are, well, pissing me off. And it’s not one of those spam messages that contain links to a Viagra vendor’s website or something like that. I have software installed on my blog that can handle automated spam, and it’s working just fine. What I’m talking about here is the human spammer.

I’m thankful that this product of my retardness I call my blog actually warrants a visit from people who actually bother to read my blog, post comments on my entries, and leave messages on my Shoutbox. However, I have two particular spammers that have been annoying the hell out of me for the last month or so. I mean, they don’t even bother posting something relevant on my Shoutbox, much less read my posts. I have nothing against shameless self-promotion (heck, I do it once in a while whenever I have the time and/or my traffic’s down), but when you post irrelevant comments on various blogs thrice a week, at least EFFIN’ BOTHER TO READ THE BLOG YOU’RE TAGGING AND POST SOMETHING RELEVANT AT LEAST ONCE, DAMMIT!

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spam!

11 Jul

WILL THAT GUY FROM THAT MINDANAOAN DIRECTORY STOP SPAMMING MY BLOG?! I’M NOT EVEN FROM MINDANAO, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!

SNAKES ON PLANE UPDATE!!!111one

10 Jul

All your snakes are belong to us!!!111one [Thanks to Coco of TMB]

What I’ve Been Up To

8 Jul

You may be wondering where the hell I’ve been. You see, when you’re gone for so long it’ll spark some pretty wild rumors about your absence. In fact, I heard though the grapevine that I was:

  • Raped by a pack of wild boars in the heart of the Amazon Forest
  • Incapacitated and had an unscrupulous surgeon sell my kidneys for 20 bucks
  • Lobotomized and had my head transplanted on a hot woman’s body
  • On a journey of self-realization in a secluded Tibetan monastery where I learned how to levitate
  • Scaled Mount Kilimanjaro and planted the Philippine flag on its peak

As much as I hate to disappoint you guys, those things aren’t true. You see, it was a pack of wild gorillas, not boars.

No, what I meant was…

…

Never mind.

Before I end up telling you more than what you need to know, let me tell you what happened to me this last month:

I’ve been touring the world non-stop with the sultry and seductive Reon Kadena when the nefarious Dr. No decided to hatch another evil scheme of world domination involving lasers, satellites and a vibrating rubber duckie (don’t ask). Agent Q contacted me through my wristwatch communicator and told me I had to stop Dr. No now, as I was the free world’s only hope. I had no choice but to oblige.

Although it was a painful decision to leave Reon Kadena alone on some possibly dangerous exotic island, I had to save the world. I got on my private jet and headed to Dr. No’s private island. However, as I neared the evil doctor’s lair a dozen missiles were launched from his island, all aimed at me! I had to actually take the damn jet out of autopilot and do some slick maneuvering, but alas! One of the missiles scratched my new paint job. Dr. No will pay. Dearly.

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BOTM: July 2006

2 Jul

Need advice? Just send ‘em and you’ll get Emails from Jesus!