Tag Archives: weird

The Amazing Laptop-Humping Dog!

31 Aug

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Today I am taking a break from retardery and updating you about my latest embarrassment and/or sexual misdemeanour by showing you the greatest thing that was ever invented. No, it’s not the wheel, or even the combustion engine. Atomic bomb? Not even close. Beer? Well, beer’s important, but not close.

Ladies and gents, I present the amazing laptop-humping dog:

You may stare at it for a while and wonder what the heck does it do. Does it save your files? Does it cure cancer? Does it work as a contraceptive? Does it hack into the pentagon’s computer system and start off a thermodynamic nuclear war? (more…)

Creepy Search Terms That Brought You Here

26 Jun

Hello there, dear reader. My name is Ade. And I run this blog. And I may or may not know you. You might be following my blog since time immemorial, or you may have just stumbled upon it from a couple of links here and there. Or maybe you’ve stumbled upon my site from Google.

Yes, Google. Now let’s talk. You see, dear reader who got to my site from Google, I’m getting really worried about you.


… ’sup?

 

You see, I’ve been getting a deluge of really weird search terms that are really bordering from “weird” to “just plain fucking disturbing”. No, seriously. I run a humor blog here, dear visitor. I know that somebody mistook my site as pr0n and tagged it accordingly on StumbleUpon, but trust me, I’m trying to make sure my site is as family-friendly and as G-rated as possible.

(Also, by “family-friendly”, I’m talking about these guys, but whatev. Family schmamily. Semantics. Also, by G-rated, I’m talking about the use of shit, piss, cunt, fuck, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits as often as possible, because, you know, kids need to start to learn these things early in life.) (more…)

Inner Child Therapy: Writer’s Block

8 Jun

This entry is part 6 of 8 in the series Inner Child Therapy

INNER CHILD: Geez, you look horrible. What’s up?
ME: … I can’t write.
INNER CHILD: Seriously?
ME: Yeah.
INNER CHILD: No way. Writer’s block much?
ME: Yes, okay? Now get off my back and stop badgering me.
INNER CHILD: You’re mean.
ME: No, seriously. I’ve been staring at this goddamn laptop for days already and I can’t come up with anything decent. So please stop bugging me okay?
INNER CHILD: You’ve been staring at the laptop for… days?
ME: Of course I was exaggerating.
INNER CHILD: Did you take a bath or something?
ME: I… uh, WHAT?
INNER CHILD: Coz you’re on computer for days!
ME: I told you, I was exagg-
INNER CHILD: LOLOLOLOLOLOL!11 (more…)

BREAKING NEWS: Cat Gets Run Over By A Motorcycle, Turns Into A Woman

3 Jun

I got this very, very interesting piece of news over at the Nigerian Tribune:

WHAT could be described as a fairy tale turned real on Wednesday in Port Harcourt, Rivers State, as a cat allegedly turned into a middle-aged woman after being hit by a commercial motorcycle (Okada) on Aba/Port Harcourt Expressway.

Nigerian Tribune learnt that three cats were crossing the busy road when the okada ran over one of them which immediately turned into a woman. This strange occurrence quickly attracted people around who descended on the animals. One of them, it was learnt, was able to escape while the third one was beaten to death, still as a cat though.

According to a source who witnessed what happened, the cat-woman said she and the two other cat-fellows had travelled from Abuja to Port Harcourt to kill three people. “The woman said they came to Port Harcourt from Abuja and that they came to kill three people. She said they had succeeded in killing two people, but the third person, whom I guess might be a pastor, was difficult for them and that they were preparing to go back to Abuja,” said the source.

…Right.

Let me stop for a moment and let it sink first. Think about it. An assassin. A cat assassin. A cat assassin that turns into a woman. A cat assassin woman being given police protection to prevent the mob from getting to her.


 

I know. ZOMGOMGWTFRITE?

A cat turning into Halle Berry. I totally believe. (more…)