Tag Archives: sorsi

Stupid Horoscopes.

28 Jan

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Seriously, I don’t get horoscopes. Sure, I know why people go gaga over it. Nothing feels better than being told “you’ll meet the man of your dreams when you get a new job but you’ll get money problems so you better be careful about your money”. But yeah, won’t we all have money problems if we don’t take care of our finances?

Horoscopes sometimes do wonderful things, like stating the painfully obvious. The weird thing is, sometimes, people don’t even realize how obvious things are until it strips in front of them while dancing the Macarena.

Take for instance this old horoscope reading Sorsi gave me. 2008 just rolled in, things were falling into place after the disaster 2007 was, and I was hopeful. Then Sorsi opens her horoscope guide and lets out this scorcher: “Ade, according to the stars you’ll lose something very valuable. Take care of your stuff. Seriously. This is fucking real. Also, you smell like dick cheese.”

DickCheese

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Sorsi Would Make A Pretty Badass Life Coach

17 Jun

Know what scares me? I’ve been getting these awesometastic bouts of depression lately. I know that you’d probably either go “Oh, look, there’s Ade, overdramatizing again about his trivial problems. Let’s laugh at him!” or “Ade, here’s some Xanax. Please overdose yourself ktnx.” or “Ade, you need to get laid. Hey that rhymes!” or “Look, a pink unicorn!”

 
And I’m getting pretty scared because it’s coming on to often. But I just usually try to shrug it off by saying “Meh. I shall handle depression like a MAN!” and I’ll hide in my bedroom, burying myself in pillows and sobbing my eyes off while eating my second bucketful of KFC Chicken.

But to make me feel better I kinda had long talks with Kring and Sorsi (yeah, yeah, Sorsi’s the girl who makes me depressed and suicidal everytime I talk to her, yadda yadda. I was desperate.) and thanks to them I was able to cheer up. Also, I think Sorsi would make buttloads of cash if she ever does choose to take up life coaching as a career. (more…)