Tag Archives: old

A Generation Gap, I Has It.

10 Jul

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Maybe it’s just me, but is the decade I grew in really that far off? I know I get bummed off a bit when I see the music videos I like being played on VH1 or the songs I used to listen to being played on Retro Wednesdays or something. It kind of gives me affirmation that I’m some old geezer because you know, the kids are listening to awfully cool music nowadays and that I’m stuck listening to old geezer stuff. While telling the kids to turn down that damn noise they call music. While I wave my cane wildly around. You call that music? Why in my day, we had to play with instruments. Blindfolded! And our pants’ waistlines were raised all the way up to our armpits. The wedgies were horrible, but damn, we looked snappy. (more…)

In This Entry Ade Talks About Marriage. And Stuff

12 May

I spent the weekend in internet-less rural Laguna. You know, those places where we have to hunt wild boars for food and offer burnt sacrifices to Maria Makiling to prevent the dragon from eating the sun, hence delaying the end of the world and giving the tribes more time to engage in orgies and human sacrifices.


Not Laguna

But that’s not the entire point of the article. You see, my grandparents live in that place. But that still is not my point.

You see, my aunt got married two months ago and since me and my aunt have a very small age gap (see what I did there, tita?) she finally got relieved of the pressure of getting married and stuff. And guess who the grandfolks set their eyes on next.

Clue: His name starts with “A” and ends with “de Magnaye”.

So cue clueless Ade, walking into the nipa hut (yes, they live in a nipa hut. I kid not. Well, the nipa hut’s got airconditioning. So whatev.), greeting his grandfolks like he always does. Then his grandpa, sensing a moment of weakness, drops the bomb:

“Say, Ade, when are you getting married?”

You do not ask that to a single 25-year old who has no plans of getting married just yet because 90% of the women he meets treat him as a gay best friend only straight while the remaining 10% treat him as a sexual offender. (more…)

I’m Old! And Broke! And Fat! Happy Birthday Yay!

23 Apr

So today, I turned 25. Dammit, I’m old.

I don’t know. I used to look forward to my birthday because birthdays bring with them gifts, parties, and a generally happy atmosphere. Now I just dread them, mainly because it’s a reminder that I’ve wasted another year doing nothing but writing profane jokes in what the kids call a “blog” (seriously, what the hell is this thinggummy you kids call blogs? Is it an online diary or something? Coz that’s so gay).

So to start off my birthday, the construction workers in our street greeted me by way of this awesome dialogue repeated ad nauseam, a.k.a. conspiracy flashback:

Guy: PUTANG INA NAMAN! MAGSAING KA NA! MAGTATRABAHO PA AKO!
Wife: LECHE KA! KUNG DI MO INUBUS ANG PERA NATIN SA GIN KAGABI MAY ISASAING AKO!
Son: Ang iingay nyo! Di ako makapag konsentreyt sa laru ko! Binabato ko lahat ng dumadaan dito eh! Tapos mamaya sisinghot pa ako ng rugby habang kumakanta ng Salbakuta.
Guy: Ang galing mo anak! Keep it up, tatanda ka na katulad ko!
Son: Oo naman tay, idol kita eh! Hay payb!

I seriously don’t know of a better way to start off a birthday. A knifefight maybe? With the end result of one of the construction worker’s guts on the street just in front of our house? That would be perfect, but you have to remember: they took out the streets in our village and turned them into muddy mush!

Anyway, to remind me of my impending mortality (and alleged ambiguous sexuality. Those assholes), the monkeys over at The Man Blog Forum gave me these gifts:

Pau first figured out it was my birthday. Glad that there was somebody catching up with his age, he gave me this:


A Google image search result for the keywords “Ade gay”. Go figure.

(more…)