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Random memory from 18 years ago:

Apparently, I thought I was born in the year of the rabbit and had a strange obsession with the animal. Hell, I even thought my buck teeth were indicative of the fact that I am a rabbit made man (let’s keep away from the awkward furry implications from that last statement and we’d all be happy campers, people). Anyway, this strange obsession with rabbits made 7-year old me go hop around the house and make rabbit noises. This apparently drove my folks crazy, because next thing I knew they bought me a big white rabbit. No, really, the rabbit was fucking huge. (more…)

I swear, condom-buying is already as stressful as it is: you have to walk around the store pretending to be buying something totally unrelated, hence you have to pick up random shit like deodorants and paper clips and toenail clippers and toothpaste and merely pretend to stumble upon the condom by accident in case that hot girl you’ve been eying the moment you walked into the store has been looking at you and think that you’re a perv.

Then you have to lug around your totally unnecessary stuff which you will have to shell out a few hundred bucks for, and when the clerk scans your stuff and gets to the condom, she’d guffaw like crazy, point at you, and with her loud loud voice, announce to the entire shop that you just bought a condom, and unbelievable as it sounds because you look a little like John Candy with a creepy pedo-beard, you’re going to get laid. Finally. (more…)