Noisy, Noisy Man

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Hello there, dear reader. My name is Ade. And I run this blog. And I may or may not know you. You might be following my blog since time immemorial, or you may have just stumbled upon it from a couple of links here and there. Or maybe you’ve stumbled upon my site from Google.

Yes, Google. Now let’s talk. You see, dear reader who got to my site from Google, I’m getting really worried about you.

… ’sup?

 

You see, I’ve been getting a deluge of really weird search terms that are really bordering from “weird” to “just plain fucking disturbing”. No, seriously. I run a humor blog here, dear visitor. I know that somebody mistook my site as pr0n and tagged it accordingly on StumbleUpon, but trust me, I’m trying to make sure my site is as family-friendly and as G-rated as possible.

(Also, by “family-friendly”, I’m talking about these guys, but whatev. Family schmamily. Semantics. Also, by G-rated, I’m talking about the use of shit, piss, cunt, fuck, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits as often as possible, because, you know, kids need to start to learn these things early in life.) Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Girl Who Accidentally Touched My Bird in The Elevator,

So I was standing in the elevator minding my own business, right? And I was busy talking to The Mordo and Helga, minding my own business when your group just came in barging. I counted between 7-10 people. It should’ve been an ordinary crowded elevator moment. But you had to come in, texting and not minding your surroundings and swinging your arms like crazy. Yep, swinging your arms like crazy in a crowded elevator.

Guess where your hand landed.

Reenactment

So, Girl Who Accidentally Touched My Bird in The Elevator, I usually don’t mind. Accidents do happen, you know. But it was really amusing to see you stop in your tracks, freeze for around thirty seconds, panic written across your face. At this point I was so fucking trying to keep my laughter in. So I decided to do what any other gentleman would do in such an awkward situation: stare at you and keep the awkwardness up for the long elevator ride from the 25th floor down to the ground floor. Read the rest of this entry »

I’d hit it. Twice! Thrice, even!
– Oscar Wilde on Maria Ozawa

Fig. 1: Maria Ozawa

Okay, not really.

In case you have been living under a rock for the past two years, Maria Ozawa is this wonderfully beautiful Japanese actress who starred in wholesome family-friendly films such as “Obscene Nymphomaniac 5″, “Let’s Do It At School”, and “Popular Fashion Model Maria Ozawa Nakadashi Raped for 20 Consecutive Times!”

Wholesome stuff indeed. In fact, when I get married and have a family, I’m gonna show that shit to the kids. Twice! Read the rest of this entry »