Noisy, Noisy Man

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This is a question nobody takes seriously: are your neighbors zombies? For all you know, you could be in the middle of a party, drinking your 7th beer while people are getting crazy on the karaoke, then you pass out. Five hours later, you wake up with your brains missing. Dang! One of your neighbors are zombies, and you don’t know who it is! See why you need to know who the humans and who the zombies are before it’s too late?

Check out these warning signs so you can differentiate between the living and the undead. The last thing we want is an unexpected brain salad. Your brains.

If your neighbors tend to walk around the neighborhood muttering “Brains” under their breath, they might be zombies.

You might think the thin guy next door is just taking his nightly leisure walk like he always does (midnight on the dot), but he’s just hunting for flesh to eat. Have you seen Mrs. Wilson’s dog after that one time thin guy took it on a midnight stroll? Thought so! Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Neighbor’s Stupid Dog,

How are you? I see you everyday, but you know, I’m usually busy with “hurrying to get to work” or “running away from your sharp fangs” to greet you. And during the times I’m not preoccupied escaping your jaws (which from this point onwards I shall call “Fangs of Rabid Doom”), you just sit in your stupid little corner eating your vomit, and all those other stuff only dogs do.

Anyway, I’m writing because I hate your guts. No, not in the general “I hate dogs with a passion” sense, but I really hate you. Yes, you Neighbor’s Stupid Dog. I am singling you out of all the dogs in the world to be the target of my scorn. In fact, of all the people I can write my open letters to (“the fat guy who thinks he can squeeze into the MRT space barely enough for a bulimic Tibetan monk”, “the girl with the big gazongas who likes to smoke downstairs whom my officemates creepily leer at”), I just had to write my first open letter of the year for YOU. Read the rest of this entry »

Today I am taking a break from retardery and updating you about my latest embarrassment and/or sexual misdemeanour by showing you the greatest thing that was ever invented. No, it’s not the wheel, or even the combustion engine. Atomic bomb? Not even close. Beer? Well, beer’s important, but not close.

Ladies and gents, I present the amazing laptop-humping dog:

You may stare at it for a while and wonder what the heck does it do. Does it save your files? Does it cure cancer? Does it work as a contraceptive? Does it hack into the pentagon’s computer system and start off a thermodynamic nuclear war? Read the rest of this entry »