Personal

When You're Fat (and possibly smelly), Do. Not. Push. It.

So I was on my way home yesterday and I was looking for an FX taxi. It had been a long day and I was tired and was willing to elbow my way into any mode of transportation just to get home and catch some z’s. Unfortunately, 7pm in Espana Avenue isn’t really an ideal time to catch a ride, mainly because the entire Quiapo population would converge in Espana, usually to frustrate the heck out of me (and probably stick a knife up my ribs to rob me of my money).

So I saw this FX taxi, which had one passenger alighting. And then, I saw seven or eight Quiapo denizens swarming on the taxi like flies. I took the chance. I immediately took my action-star pose (which probably didn’t look half as dramatic as I hoped because of my potbelly) and did my action star sprint (again, the awesomeness was hampered because my manboobs were jiggling). Lo and behold, the people jumped out of my way! I jumped into the seat, and closed the door. Success!

Not.

Damn, it sure was cramped in the FX. Well, there was another fat guy at the end of the row, so there was only room enough for one extremely small gerbil. But desperate as I am, I persisted on squeezing myself into the small space, and I saw that I was sitting beside an extremely pretty lady. So, I was sweating and panting like mad because of my two-feet run and I was hunched up inside an FX with a pretty girl. In awkward positions. With me getting cramps on my left leg.

So it was for the remainder of the 45-minute trip, me and the pretty girl sitting in silence. Me avoiding her gaze. She trying hard to telepathically project her thoughts of “Get off at the next stop, you fugly fat man!”.

And so, I have reaffirmed my reputation as the guy to bring along when you DON’T want to get laid.

16 Comments

  1. Hi! I think it was that pretty girl's lost if she really was thinking the way you thought she did. You're an intelligent, funny, nice man. And I can already say this about you even if this is my first time reading your blog. 😉 My boyfriend is also chubby with some manboobs and at times, the sweaty smell, but I couldn't be more attracted to him than I am to Piolo or Brad Pitt or whoever.hehe Some girls prefer chubby ones. 😉

  2. ade

    [quote comment="16253"]Fat people should have their own way of public transportation, really. Especially the smelly sweaty ones.[/quote]

    You hurt my feelings. Ktnxbai.

    [quote comment="17333"]hahahah, nako ayoko yung napipisat ako sa FX dati pag papasok ako sa school.. oh my gulay.. or yung parang yung tatlo (sa gitna ng fx) eh naka in at ako lang ang naka out na kada break ni Mr. Kaskasero eh paonti ng paonti ang upuan ko. HAHAHHAHAHAHHA!!![/quote]

    That was exactly what happened also!

  3. hahahah, nako ayoko yung napipisat ako sa FX dati pag papasok ako sa school.. oh my gulay.. or yung parang yung tatlo (sa gitna ng fx) eh naka in at ako lang ang naka out na kada break ni Mr. Kaskasero eh paonti ng paonti ang upuan ko. HAHAHHAHAHAHHA!!!

  4. Fat people should have their own way of public transportation, really. Especially the smelly sweaty ones.

  5. Dude, where's your car? 🙂

    At least you were not anally raped sans condoms. That would definitely blow, alright.

  6. hehehe. maybe she's not thinking that 🙂

  7. ade

    [quote comment="16101"]ow come on guys… read between the lines. it's a coded blog entry. what Ade really wanna say is she hooked up with the girl because they both got off at the same stop and then they went inside one of those motels. i capitalized the letters to show you his real message :

    SEX, WE SEX

    "damn, it (S)ure was cramp(E)d in the f(X). (WE)ll, there was another fat guy at the end of the row, (S)o there was only room enough for one (EX)tremely small gerbil."[/quote]

    OH SNAP! Don't root me out!

  8. ow come on guys… read between the lines. it's a coded blog entry. what Ade really wanna say is she hooked up with the girl because they both got off at the same stop and then they went inside one of those motels. i capitalized the letters to show you his real message :

    SEX, WE SEX

    "damn, it (S)ure was cramp(E)d in the f(X). (WE)ll, there was another fat guy at the end of the row, (S)o there was only room enough for one (EX)tremely small gerbil."

  9. Hahaha! It happens to the best of us, no worry. Just try to avoid the seats in the middle cuz it really is not for four persons. Take the seats at the back instead, though you have to knee joust with the person across. Alternatively, you can also try to not be fat. =D

  10. I pity the girl. 🙁

    I hope she wasnt scarred for life.

  11. Ow, wawa ka naman.

  12. Toe

    Hahaha! Espana at that time is indeed wicked! 🙂 I used to take the jeepney from UST and it was plain torture! But don't be too hard on yourself. Things could have been worse. That pretty girl could have been a blogger and could have blogged about that particular FX ride. 🙂

  13. astig.

    hehe, ako kanina may nakasabay na lady, kumakain ng fries sa tabi ko sa FX tapos yung fries tipong sobrang lapit talaga saken kulang na lang kumuha ako. hahaha!

  14. maybe if you dance the way that fat guy above does, surely you'll get some. i'm sure.

  15. Poor Ade.

    But at least you got home, right? 😉

  16. You're gonna be a wife's best friend, mate. Kasi sigurado syang yung asawa nya eh hindi makakapambabae. Hehehehe. And I'm sure your girlfriend won't mind. Hehehehehe.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Theme by Anders Norén

%d bloggers like this: