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You are working and slaving away at that job of yours for a couple of years now, and you feel that you need to move up the corporate ladder. That promotion seems to be totally elsusive, and you don’t feel it coming.

It suddenly hits you: you don’t want this job anymore. You want to do something awesome, and you can never ever do it when you are working behind that desk teaching Americans halfway around the world how to click the Start button.

Ok, but wait! Are you sure? Just imagine, you could quit your job but then you’d wind up unemployed and then life will PWN you. Big time. So you have to be really careful when making that big decision of quitting that job.

Some lousy excuses to quit your job:

  • I need to go on a journey of self-realization – LOL what a gay!
  • I don’t want to be "them", I want to be me – Shut up you hippie and just do your damn job.
  • I’m too stressed out – So you think quitting your job would make things easier, eh? Now if you quit your job, you’ll only end up poor and derelict, with you and your kids starving to death. Who’s gonna end up stressed then?
  • I need to spend more time with the kids – What bull! You don’t need to spend time with them. Just look at my friend Jim.

    His folks didn’t take care of him when he was a kid, and he’s just fine. Yeah, he smokes crack, had every guy in the block up his ass, and he’s being treated for herpes (in his nose), but he’s doing OK. So you don’t need to take care of your kids. Really.

  • I’m not getting that promotion – Are you kidding me? You’ll never get that promotion. Do you think that you’re worthy of any promotions? NO! You’re lucky you even got that job! You’re not gonna be promoted, ever. You’re stuck in that dead-end job, slaving your ass off for the rest of your life!
  • My boss is an asshole – Then give him a rimjob. No, really. And while you’re at it take a camera with you and get pictures of that sordid act. Afterwards, post the pictures on the internet:

    Your boss will be forced to resign, and guess who’ll be promoted?

    No, not you, but another asshole who’ll make your life twice as hellish.

So think hard if you want to quit your job. We don’t want to be branded as lousy and cowardly quitters, do we? No, wait, there is the perfect reason for you to quit your job, and it is totally sensible:

NEXT: The Resignation Letter

PS: Hi boss! This isn’t about my job. Really. Don’t fire me. Please.

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