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The Single Guy's Ultimate Guide to Valentine's Day

Q: What is it?

A: Valentine’s Day is that one day of the year when everybody gets googly-eyed and start talking about things like love, romance, and all that. It is also the day the motel and condom industries make a killing. Also, the Department of Health should also investigate because asthma and diabetes cases increase on that day because of the sheer number of flowers and chocolates sold on that day.

Q: Geez, what’s with the red?

A: You see, Valentine’s is the day when emos proliferate. Emos, if you aren’t familiar, are creatures from the deep who wear weird haircuts and black t-shirts and listen to crappy music like My Chemical Romance.



They are also into the lost art of wrist slashing. And what comes out when you slash your wrists? Blood. And what is the color of blood?

Red.

Q: Let’s say I get a date on V-day. What should I do to make my date happy?

A: Ok, let’s say theoretically you get a date, because I don’t think you’d be able to get one, loser that you are. I suggest that you get your wallet out and tell the florist, restaurant and motel to help themselves. Then you screw the shit out of your (theoretical) girl. but of course your date has an STD and you forgot to wear a condom so you die of syphilis in the morning. LOL.

Q: What are good Valentine’s date movies?


A: I’m glad you asked. There are a lot of movies that offer variety and depth when you want to catch a film on that day:

  • Guy and Girl Meet, Break Up, and Get Back Together
  • A Couple Falls in Love, Break Up, and Gets Back Together
  • A Date Movie: How Me and my Girl Break Up and get Back Together

Q: Um, ok. So what happens on that day?

A: Teenage pregnancies increase.

Q: Huh?

A: People get laid. Why? Don’t you get laid on Valentine’s?

Q: …

A: Loser.

27 Comments

  1. haha! look at the pussy! look at the pussy!! PUSSY!!! hahaha!

    taena. gutom na ko. manglibre ka naman Ade. 😛

  2. A: People get laid. Why? Don’t you get laid on Valentine’s?

    Q: …

    A: Loser

    This is what I’m talking about.

    ====_==== ;

  3. ade

    [quote comment="19566"]funny you!

    hope your valentine's was HOT![/quote]

    By hot, do you mean I got laid, or the fact I got a fever because of the flu?

    Because I got the flu. And when you're reduced to a mass of sick flesh with a perpetually running nose, nobody makes out with you.

  4. ade

    [quote comment="19522"]You are so mean!

    Mean!

    Median and mode!

    Braargh![/quote]

    Dude, I have no fucking idea what you are talking about.

  5. funny you!

    hope your valentine's was HOT!

  6. You are so mean!

    Mean!

    Median and mode!

    Braargh!

  7. You're new to the Mark Lapid fans club?! Shame on you!

  8. You Valentine Scrooge, you! Haha. 🙂

  9. That photo with the splayed out pussy… is pure gold, LOL! Hahaha.

    I sense bitterness in singledom in this post, haha. Yup, I'm going to buy my own chocolates and eat the entire box all by myself. OK, now I'm sad. 😀

  10. ade

    [quote comment="19187"]na-aaning ka nanaman. amf.[/quote]

    AMFEFE!

  11. na-aaning ka nanaman. amf.

  12. happy unimaginative-consumerist-oriented-and-entirely-arbitrary- manipulative-and-shallow-interpretation-of-romance day 😛

  13. MCR is an American Alternative rock band.

    Okay. So it's not. Ayway, Ade, can you edit my horrible quoting skills? There. ^

    Thanks in advance.

  14. [quote comment="18823"]

    [quote comment="18814"]So you also hate My Chemical romance.[/quote]

    I mean, who doesn't?

    [/quote][/quote]

    Me! Damnit. My Chemical Romance is my type of music, you know. I just love the guy's voice. And wait, I never knew My Chemical Romance was an EMO band? O.o

  15. hey.. happy valentine's day! wanna ex links?

  16. dude you have a gf, be happy. =)

    hows ur valentine? *mush*

  17. happy valetines day po.. 🙂 tc!

  18. Apocalypto is a good V-day movie. A native dude literally holding his heart on his right hand — priceless!

  19. Ay, oo nga, ano… birthday ni Kris Aquino ang Feb. 14. hehe.

  20. ade

    [quote comment="18797"]Bitter. :)[/quote]

    ZOMG OH NOES IM NOT BITTER OMGWTFBBQ NONONONONO

    brb i wanna slash my wrist

    [quote comment="18814"]So you also hate My Chemical romance.[/quote]

    I mean, who doesn't?

    [quote comment="18818"]Ah, yes. Singles' Awareness Day. For me, it's nothing more than Kris Aquino's birthday. Happy birthday, Kristeta![/quote]

    Yeah! Happy birthday Kris! Say hi to hot James for me!

    ….

    Forget I said that.

  21. Ah, yes. Singles' Awareness Day. For me, it's nothing more than Kris Aquino's birthday. Happy birthday, Kristeta!

  22. So you also hate My Chemical romance.

  23. Bitter. 🙂

  24. rob

    x marks the spot on my calendar. the day i should wear a full body protective suit.

  25. Nah, they only turn black once the blood runs out from their cuts. Trust me, I should know.

  26. If emos proliferate on Valentine's day, then shouldn't black be the color for that day? 😉

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