Why Manny Pacquiao is indeed awesome:

  • Don’t ever try to win a bet against Pacquiao. The last time he lost, he slammed the guy’s face on the ground so hard he created a mile-wide crater and sent loads of dust in the atmosphere. That is how the dinosaurs were wiped out.
  • Pacquiao is powered by Motolite batteries. (Thanks, [info]gmo_free !)
  • Hitler did not commit suicide. He was punched to death by an annoyed Pacquiao. It was deemed too awesome for the public to know, hence a much-tamer version of Hitler’s death was publicized.
  • Chuck Norris wets his pants whenever he hears Pacquiao’s name.
  • Boxing was invented to keep Manny Pacquiao from knocking out people cold at random.
  • Pacquiao invented the iPod. Steve Jobs is a f*cking liar. He’ll be punched to death soon.
  • Before every bout, Pacquiao doesn’t pray for victory. He prays for the salvation of his opponent’s soul.
  • Pacquiao is the only person in the world who can punch by osmosis.
  • The entire book of Revelations describes how Pacquiao once became so drunk he caused the end of the world.
  • Pacquiao does not lose. He gets bored of winning.
  • Pacquiao was not concieved. He punched his way into existence.
  • Pacquiao has sneezed only once in his lifetime. The aftermath is now known as Chernobyl.
  • Pacquiao killed Dumbledore.
  • Pacquiao can rewind a VHS tape by looking at it.
  • Vin Diesel and Pacquiao once faced off in the ring. Guess who won.
  • Pacquiao once tried to sell his soul to the devil. He wasn’t able to do it, because the devil was scared sh*tless.
  • Pacquiao can stare at you with his eyes closed.
  • You only live because Pacquiao allows it.
  • Brokeback Mountain was supposed to be a movie about Pacquiao, but the director chickened out and did a movie about gay cowboys instead.
  • Pacquiao will find out about this blog and beat the crap out of this writer.

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