Hello, traveller. I see you seek refuge in this here interweb-thingy we call a blog. you have been travelling long and hard in this long road of misinformation and porn repository called THE INTERNETS. Make yourself comfortable. Now, dear reader, let me tell you what the internets is all about.
Guess what site this kid is surfing
Origins: The Big Queef
The internets started when Al Gore queefed while taking a crap one day in the middle of the Monica Lewinsky scandal. He was on his laptop when he queefed. It shorted out the circuits in his laptop and gave him this page. He showed this to Bill Clinton, who was kinda pissed that Gore interrupted him in the middle of a make out session with Lewinski, but was so awed with the page that he declared that Al Gore invented the internets and that they should upload their porn collection into it. Gore’s porn collection later won an Oscar for best documentary.
Series of Tubes
Series of tubes
The internets are a big series of tubes, containing tentacle porn and all other stuff that are bad for mankind but should be shown to impressionable young children to teach them the facts of life. It is ruled by a God called Goa Tse, who dictates his whims upon the internets with his sheer awesomeness. There was a war back in 1993 where Jesus discovered this forbidden lair and thus started the Jesus/Goa Tse war. It led to a stalemate and it was agreed upon that Jesus will not interfere with the internets. Jesus even said that “I’m not touching the internets! Too much gay porn. Eeeew. Dad will kill me if he finds out I’ve been hanging out here.”
“No to gay porn!” – Jesus
Fun Stuff to Do in The Internets
- You can turn the internet on or off. A switch would do!
- Enjoy these pictures of young love.
- Write a blog where you talk about your life. Because since real humans don’t care, maybe the internets will.
- Visit the most awesomest website in existence. Also, if you’re a girl, you can show the editors (us) your tits.
- And if we can drug you, surprise secks.
- Find a chatroom, where you can pretend to be a 16-year old skinny girl and chat with a 17-year old football hunk only to find out he’s actually an 80-year old man from China.
- Talk about how much you hate the Koreans. I won’t do that though, because it’s racist. You Jew.
- Wank off to the Japanese. Because they’re hot.
- Collect bottles. And bottle caps. There.
- Play an MMORPG. Pretend to be an Elf and wank off to some Orc girls. That wouldn’t be hot, but at least that’s different.
The End of The Internets
One of these days someone will run out of topics to write about. Or people will realize that the internets isn’t really funny. Or Goa Tse would just get tired of it all. Or someone will run out of porn to upload. Anyway, it’ll all boil down to the end of the internets, and everytime you open up your computer, you’ll see this page. Bur don’t worry, Al Gore is bound to queef one of these days and the internets will be reborn for your porn-seeking pleasure.
I wants my internets back. Also, blowjob.