The Man Blog

The Internets: The Man Blog Guide

Hello, traveller. I see you seek refuge in this here interweb-thingy we call a blog. you have been travelling long and hard in this long road of misinformation and porn repository called THE INTERNETS. Make yourself comfortable. Now, dear reader, let me tell you what the internets is all about.


Guess what site this kid is surfing

Origins: The Big Queef

queef
Reenactment

The internets started when Al Gore queefed while taking a crap one day in the middle of the Monica Lewinsky scandal. He was on his laptop when he queefed. It shorted out the circuits in his laptop and gave him this page. He showed this to Bill Clinton, who was kinda pissed that Gore interrupted him in the middle of a make out session with Lewinski, but was so awed with the page that he declared that Al Gore invented the internets and that they should upload their porn collection into it. Gore’s porn collection later won an Oscar for best documentary.

Series of Tubes


Series of tubes

The internets are a big series of tubes, containing tentacle porn and all other stuff that are bad for mankind but should be shown to impressionable young children to teach them the facts of life. It is ruled by a God called Goa Tse, who dictates his whims upon the internets with his sheer awesomeness. There was a war back in 1993 where Jesus discovered this forbidden lair and thus started the Jesus/Goa Tse war. It led to a stalemate and it was agreed upon that Jesus will not interfere with the internets. Jesus even said that “I’m not touching the internets! Too much gay porn. Eeeew. Dad will kill me if he finds out I’ve been hanging out here.”


“No to gay porn!” – Jesus

Fun Stuff to Do in The Internets

  • You can turn the internet on or off. A switch would do!
  • Enjoy these pictures of young love.
  • Write a blog where you talk about your life. Because since real humans don’t care, maybe the internets will.
  • Visit the most awesomest website in existence. Also, if you’re a girl, you can show the editors (us) your tits.
  • And if we can drug you, surprise secks.
  • Find a chatroom, where you can pretend to be a 16-year old skinny girl and chat with a 17-year old football hunk only to find out he’s actually an 80-year old man from China.
  • Talk about how much you hate the Koreans. I won’t do that though, because it’s racist. You Jew.
  • Wank off to the Japanese. Because they’re hot.
  • Collect bottles. And bottle caps. There.
  • Play an MMORPG. Pretend to be an Elf and wank off to some Orc girls. That wouldn’t be hot, but at least that’s different.

The End of The Internets

One of these days someone will run out of topics to write about. Or people will realize that the internets isn’t really funny. Or Goa Tse would just get tired of it all. Or someone will run out of porn to upload. Anyway, it’ll all boil down to the end of the internets, and everytime you open up your computer, you’ll see this page. Bur don’t worry, Al Gore is bound to queef one of these days and the internets will be reborn for your porn-seeking pleasure.


null
I wants my internets back. Also, blowjob.

WARNING: Some of the links are not safe for work.

13 Comments

  1. at least the link to the end of the internets is safe for work, that is, if you did not go back to the bottle guy and see if it's real ($#^*@, naalala ko yung jologs girl mo)

  2. I was planning of telling you to place an NSFW warning at the beginning of your entry but I was too darn busy earning lots of monies and being awesome at work. May Goa Tse bless the souls of those who saw the lemon party.

  3. WTF?! NSFW! NSFW!

    *adds Ade to his blogroll and announces who the next prophet will be: Ade Magnaye

    lolz internetz

  4. liz

    the warning was kind of a little too late. you should like, put it in the beginning of your fucking post!

    but anyway since im not really a queasy type of person, s'all good yo!

  5. [quote comment="40859"]Goodamit, Ade, I still clicked on ONE!!!

    [/quote]

    I clicked on one as well. 😐 I hope someone in IT gets LBM or something. LOL

  6. Ade

    [quote comment="40859"]Okay, I know better than to trust the links posted on TMB and in entries like this. Goodamit, Ade, I still clicked on ONE!!! Lemonparty– ya, I always knew that was your kinda thing.

    ADEZ!!![/quote]

    Oh, hi, Ms. Veyburrrr. Sup?

    [quote comment="40860"]Just hovering the link, I had an idea what to look forward to, so… XP[/quote]

    Cleeek. Hmph.

    [quote comment="41049"]Lemonparty.Scary.Just.Scary.[/quote]

    I knoes dude. The Internets. Such a scary.

    [quote comment="41035"]Just wait til Manoling Morato sees this!

    I hate Snap Preview but your visitors will surely appreciate it if you had it installed. hehehe[/quote]

    Didja gouge your eyes out already?

  7. Lemonparty.Scary.Just.Scary.

  8. Just wait til Manoling Morato sees this!

    I hate Snap Preview but your visitors will surely appreciate it if you had it installed. hehehe

  9. DAMMIT ADE YOU RULEZ TEH INTERNETS!!! AND THE INTARWEBS TOO. EVEN IF THEY’RE LITERALLY THE SAME.

  10. funny stuff…i like the First page last page of the internet…what a waste of time…haha

  11. Just hovering the link, I had an idea what to look forward to, so… XP

  12. Okay, I know better than to trust the links posted on TMB and in entries like this. Goodamit, Ade, I still clicked on ONE!!! Lemonparty– ya, I always knew that was your kinda thing.

    ADEZ!!!

  13. I've learned my lessons. I'm going to be more than careful when clicking links from your blog.

    xP

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