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The Christmas Shopping Survival Guide

WARNING: Lame Post ahead. Read at your own risk.

Oh noes! It’s that time of year again where we have to endure gruelling hours and dense crowds in order to buy gifts for people we barely even care about! I mean, this is the time where we have to trail behind out girlfriends/wives and lug around all their gifts. This is a most stressful time for us men, mainly because we haven’t really gotten around to knowing all those people we give gifts to because we’re too busy with our San Diego cars and most definitely our Maria Ozawa DVDs.

(But Ade, it’s only September, you dumbass. Christmas isn’t gonna be around for the next three months LOL)

Well, we have to be prepared. Have you ever tried shopping in December and survived with your foot intact? No? Well, that’s it. That’s why we have to start buying gifts as early as now to survive the crowds. Last year I did my shopping only a few days before Christmas and, well, lets just say I made my chiropractor a very rich man. So that would be my tip # 1: AVOID THE CROWDS AND DO YOUR SHOPPING EARLY!

But if you do get caught in a crowd, there are quite some things that I want you to know:


  • Bringing a poisonous cobra to a crowded mall may be funny, but it won’t really endear you to mall security. I should know.
  • I know the temptaion is irresistible, but please don’t elbow those pregnant women in the stomach.
  • That machete, though I know it enhances your manliness, has to go.
  • Bringing a bowling ball to knock over elderly people is awesome.
  • When you find something that you can’t afford, haggle, scream your head off at the vendor, steal the damn thing, but for the love of God, don’t bring out your shotgun and blow the vendor’s head off.
  • I know how you love your best friend, but frankly, he isn’t really allowed in malls:

When you shop in Divisoria make sure you wear those Kevlar vests that I’ve been peskering you to buy. If you don’t do that you may find yourself with a knife sticking out of your ribs when you get home.

Also, may I recommend a simple but wonderful gift you can give to the ones you love:


Target Shooting Practice Set. Because you care.

13 Comments

  1. wahhh, nakatuwa naman itong tips mo, tamang tama mag sho shoppin na ako bukas hihihi

  2. REX

    i enjoy shopping but this is the part about Christmas that i hate the most. it is so hard to know what gifts to give to certain people.. =p

  3. thanks for taking time to visit my site and answer my query, ade. see ya again next blogcon. btw, bryanboy-lovin' saddam is a hoot!

  4. clever idea: do a theme party, Christmas in January (last week preferably). All gift items are on 70% sale (damn, you can give away hams which will be on "buy-one-take-one" basis by that time), no crowds, no extra hassle on security checks…that's when you buy and give the gifts…ganda di ba?

    congratulations on your induction to dash media. I'm sure sumayaw lahat ng na-induct. you know…as in, umindak? (ala-joey de leon: achecheche). i have a plea for mentorship in that entry. more celebration to your new, more handsome layout. reminds me of a tuxedo.

  5. OMFG! Now that's nifty! You're a pro!

    I think I'm gonna try the bring-your-own-bowling-ball approach. Rich elderly people who shop like crazy just annoy the hell out of me. For Christ's sake, they're so gonna die sooner or later so why exist, of all places, in shopping areas? They might as well give their money to, ahem, yours truly.

    Anyhoo, the new design rocks!

  6. my personal rule for christmas shopping is

    To hell with the adults if you're above 7 sorry ka na lang….

    hahahaha

    ps: also beware of cab drivers…

  7. Nothing "lame" about avoiding the Christmas crowds. Avoid Megamall during this time at all costs! You'll be more sane when it's time to give out gifts. So when someone's got a so-so reaction to a gift you've spent time and money getting, you won't go postal on him. hee hee.

  8. I hate going to the mall during the peak of the X-mas season. It's like Divisoria with the massive airconditioning system on a Sunday. I feel sorry for the sales ladies who spend the whole day rearranging and sorting out the clothes everyone else messed up but none of them bought. hehehe

  9. ey ade, we met at the blogcon. question: how come dashmedia doesn't seem to have a site/blog, except for that e-mailer announcing the final 25? anyway, hope you don't mind my linking you up in my site. 🙂

  10. thanks for enlightening me with regards to Maria Ozawa.

    The Torrents will burn tonight. Wehehehehehe!!!!!!11

    And congratulations with Dash-Media.

    I now bid adieu, your owsomnes.

    😀

  11. the best thing is do NOT give any Christmas gifts. hehehe.

    btw, congrats sa pagkakasama sa final cut ng dash-media. Pero parang, kayo-kayo din ang nasa listahan eh. lol.

    take care!

  12. ade

    [Comment ID #2530 Will Be Quoted Here]

    Well, I guess there's a redeeming factor in this entry after all.

  13. oye. that maria ozawa is hot!! woot woot..

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