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Search Terms That Make Me Cringe

In case you don’t know (or care), I’m using this wonderful WordPress Plugin, called WP-ShortStat, that helps me find out who’s visiting my blog, what website they come from, and if they found my site from a search engine, what search words they used.

I was checking my shortstat the other day and I was disturbed, even concerned, about the welfare and mental health of some of my visitors. A quick glance at the search strings gave me the creeps:

  • male with hug cock – What. The. Hell?
  • celebrity man cock – The sad thing is, they’re finding my site through Italian search engines. REPEATEDLY.
  • schoolgay – Yep, I have a clear idea of your sexual fetishes… Now go away.
  • cow poop images – Lovely.
  • ask a retard – Ooh yeah, like a retard will give you grrrrrrrreat answers to your questions…
  • retard fishing – But… What is it in the first place?
  • super blinkies – What, ordinary blinkies ain’t enough for you?
  • willie revillame ‘s home address – I hate his guts too, but do you actually need to look for his home to shut him up? Also, do you think he’d post his home address on the internet?!
  • david hasselhoff downloads – What’ll you download? Hoff Soap?
  • ridiculous quotes from david hasselhoff – You don’t need quotes. You just need to look at his pictures to know how ridiculous he is. And the weird thing is that this is a REPEAT search string.
  • batman retard – This just defies logic.
  • what dose addams like to do at the karaoke – Who dose what where? Huh?
  • fat boy man boobs – Uh-huh. N-nice.
  • man cock – This is not a pretty picture.
  • fat nudist of men – Seriously, people who have a long history of mental illness and disturbing fetishes should be banned from using the internet.

I am sure glad that most of my readers are normal. Do you guys get weird visitors as well? Maybe you won’t mind telling me your stories.

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38 Comments

  1. I was going to install that plugin but now I am wondering if it might be too much information for me. LOL

    David's last blog post..Big Lake Fun With Lake Erie Fishing Charters

  2. Hi.. I downloaded it. Now what? How? Lol. Sorry.

  3. Wow. And I thought I had weird search terms leading to my site.. David Hasselhoff HAHAHA

  4. your posts never fail to amuse me. 😛

  5. I was supposed to write an entry about this. But other things came up. Hehe.

    God, your search key words are amazing! Cock, cock and more cock! LOL!

  6. Haha!

    Fat. Boys. Nudist. Gay. Dose? O_O

  7. lol @ fat boy man boobs

    – Uh-huh. N-nice. (imagin those boos)

    hahaha

  8. dagdag pa ako ng keywords: pussy cat, hotdogs. hehehehe.

  9. lol. aliw. kaya nga tinanggal ko na yan eh. ang ipinalit ko naman ay wp-stat. hehehe.

    more reliable pa ang site meter pag dating sa entry and exit links na galing sa search engines.

    anywhooooooo. got my email?

  10. Thank goodness I'm already getting pretty "wholesome" search terms lately. Hehehehe

  11. whoa, ang weird naman ng mga search terms. and these lead to you! wtf.

  12. that's because your blog contains really "interesting" stuff. really interesting. haha!

    apparently you're like magnet to those weirdos out there.

  13. >_> schoolgay

  14. Haha.

    Weird but funny keywords.

    And I agree with you dun kay David Hasselhoff! 😛

  15. god, they are cringe-worthy! and very scary. i wonder how is it with my blog.

  16. I found your site using the ff keywords:

    – Banana split

    – Spoonfed monkeys

    – David hasselhoff in action OMG Im so gay lolololzzz!

  17. ie

    congratulations, your site's special. ha ha. now i wonder what leads people to my blog. hmmm… i hope we wouldn't share a similar fate when i find out. ha ha. 🙂

  18. Hahaha.. thanks to those search engines! Oks lang yan.. atleast u need not exert effort just to gain traffic db?

  19. yen

    meron dn akong ganyan plugin kc naka wordpress dn ako pro dko alam panu gamitin hehe. d naman kc ako gumawa ng site ko, taga lagay lng ako ng entry, panu ba malaman yang mga visitors????

  20. alam ko super layo nito..

    may game pala na flying spaghetti monster. haha

    flying spaghetti monster game

  21. at least mayaman sa keywords ang blog mo, hehehe

    hindi lang basta keywords, kakaibang kumbinasyon ng mga keywords! asteeg! hehehe

  22. …Ayos. Masubukan nga. :laughs:

  23. Whoa, those are pretty weird. I usually get searches of famous people I've blogged about before.

    Hats off for the plugin (wp-shortstat) tip! 🙂

  24. Hahahaha, I like "willie revillame ’s home address".

  25. ahhh… ang peyborit ko na search term na lumanding sa blog ko ay "Alamat ng Tae" Ikekwento niya siguro sa kindergarten class niya…

  26. david hasselhoff? buhay pa pala yun. may fans pa sya?!?!?!

  27. "I am sure glad most of my readers are normal."

    Heh. Really now? :p

  28. Tam

    Search engines think you are seksi! That was corny.

    So far, ayon sa extremetracker ko, hindi pa naman umabot sa ganyan kalala ang search terms ko. Usually name ko ang search term

  29. baka dahil sa post mo na "The Clueless Wonders of the Blogosphere" kaya lumabas ang site mo gamit ang search string na "super blinkies"….

  30. when i was still in blogspot, ( and even until now!) i do get weird search keywords like,:

    bacolod scandal

    piolo scandal

    troy mentero scandal

    ethel booba scandal

    makati scandal

    san beda scandal

    euthanasia

    girlfriends of jose rizal

    ang weird… hinahayaan ko na lang sila..

  31. ba

    Oh! I once had a Google referrer, Pc Magnaye yung string. Someone's stalking your sister, wahahahaha.

  32. Better to have weird, psycho visitors than none at all. Hehe. 😀

  33. weird!! hmmmmmmmmmm…… at dahil diyan nag-install na din ako ng shortstat ko! yehey!

  34. Yes, I receive those too through a different stat plug-in: kwentong pangbata, makati scandal, bakit gusto ng Pilipino pumuti, mga kwentong hubad, how do you pronounce Ng, ako mag ano try ko (?!). Weird people.

  35. ba

    Yung sa akin:

    bayag bata

    bayag

    banduria notes

    orange and lemons boyband

    pinoy ako soundtrack similar to the care music

    Korean madness

    how to write a jr. high "mvp speech"

    Malupit ang ShortStat!!! Hahaha

  36. mga bagong search strings

    "kwentong me aral" – tsk tsk me?

    "mga sagot sa panaginip" – man, english ang gamitin mo, makakahanap ka ng sagot

    "latest bangbus password may 2006" – haha feel niya naman may makikita siyang password sa site ko na pang bangbus haha.

  37. hey, saan naman sila napupunta kapag nasearch ang site mo? hehe ang entries? haha

    gamit ko rin yang plugin na yan, ganda talaga. Ang mga search strings na madalas eh magmahal muli chords at eurostar carnival pati ang world pyro olympics.. Meron namang mangilan-ilan na nagsearch ng "kahit ano", weird talaga. meron ding "nakakaapekto sa pagaaral ng estudyante" hehe natawa talaga ako..

  38. Hey, thanks for the plugin info. I only use performancing.com’s metrics system and google analytics. This one’s good.

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