Movies, Reviews

Review: Knowing

Where do I start?

When I walked into the mall to watch Knowing, I saw a poster that had text written on 3/4 of it, vaguely trying to explain the movie’s plot. Wait. Why do you need to explain the movie’s plot on a poster with a paragraph? That was red flag #1.

Then, I saw this, in big letters: “From Summit, the makers of Twilight.” That does not bode well.

On paper, I thought it was an awesome concept: a bunch of numbers, buried in the ground via a time capsule, predicts various catastrophes. The numbers are so accurate that it tells you the the date, number of deaths, and exact location of the said catastrophes.

Sure, there were awesome visuals, and great sequences that entail a plane crash with burning screaming people running away from the wreckage. And the horrifying subway disaster that left my jaw hanging. And I like the fact that it tried to veer away from a cliched happy ending. But those were the only good bits.

The rest of the film was a blur of me questioning the movie’s plot, ogling Rose Byrne, thinking “Hey that guy totally looks like Rick Astley,” snickering over some plot devices that had no payoff in the end, mentally screaming “ALIENS, MOTHERFUCKING ALIENS GODDAMMIT,” and wondering why a kid who needs a hearing aid can apparently hear perfectly without it (yes, the hearing aid is one of those plot devices).

Also, what the fuck is up with Nicolas Cage’s hair?! Can somebody explain it to me? Please?

Just to give you an idea how ridiculous this film is, it ends with a few billion people dead and the world in ruins, but aliens with 90’s hair save a couple of kids and white bunny rabbits (God, I wish I was kidding) and leave them stranded, without adult supervision, in an alien planet not unlike ours so that humanity can start over. I mean, how can those kids learn about sex by the time they grow up if there was no porn? Also, if the aliens did save some porn, won’t it be weird to watch it, because, you know, the rest of humanity is dead?

God, I need a drink.

I give this one out of five bad 90’s hair.

rating

What do you think of Knowing?

————
Just giving credit where it’s due: thank you Mellow 94.7 and DJ Ingrid for the premiere tickets.

31 Comments

  1. denise-louise

    Bunnies. i wish you were joking too. i guess they were a sort of clue as to what the kids would be doing (breeding like…)

    And does no one know how destructive rabbits are to a "pristine" environment? They ate australia for gods sake, hence the fence.

    One of the scarier aspects for me has been reading how many people just ADORED the disaster scenes. But me, well, i preferred what happened to the planet in this movie than when keanu went all mushy and saved us the day stood still. Yuck.

    • denise-louise

      *the earth

      Ooooh! i left it out… It was actually a typo (but don't tell anyone,

      Its…. Prophecy, that's it! The earth is set to disappear!

      Aaaaaaargggghhhhh).

  2. Jayvee

    It is horrible beyond comprehension. I demand my 200 bucks back 🙁

  3. Yes, it's NICOLAS CAGE! Totally a no-brainer ending. I have to watch National Treasure over and over again to clear his dignity.

    • …except National Treasure (both 1 and 2) are stupid movies, too? =p

      Or is that your April Fool's joke?

      • I loved the NT movies… It's NICOLAS CAGE!

        • The National Treasure movies were…fun to watch, but stupid nevertheless. Har, preferred Nick Cage movies are Bringing Out The Dead, 8mm, Fast Times at Ridgemont High and Valley Girl.

  4. Hahaha! I never really liked Nicholas Cage. He's just alright. But why oh why did he decide to accept this movie?

    Sabi ko na nga ba, I don't think I'll go out of my way to watch this movie e. Instincts never fail. woot!

    Missed reading your blog. It's one of those you'd visit when you need a good laugh. And Nic's pic just nailed it. Haha ^_^

    • Nicholas Cage is one of my favorite actors and is used to be one of the highest paid actors. Lately all his movies are bad. Remember Bangkok Something SOmething? Hehe. I watched that movie. It was excruciating – I can't wait for it to end. This Knowing? I never care to watch for I know it would be a flop. And darn I was right.

      First time here in your blog. 😀

      • Ade

        I took one look at his hair in Bangkok Dangerous, and I decided to not watch it.

        He used to be a great actor, but his film choices and acting skills are deteriorating as of late. I wonder what happened?

        Anyway, thanks for dropping by, really appreciate it!

    • Ade

      I didn't see your comment in the Akismet spam queue until I was going to clear it! Thank goodness I didn't clear it automatically. Sorry for that.

      Anyway, thanks for dropping by my blog again!

  5. Now I won't be watching this movie even if Nic Cage is in it.

  6. Whoa! What is up with that hair?

    I'm on a kind of movie hiatus right now, because stupid, stupid me decided to watch Irreversible, a french film starring Monica Belluci. Let's just say I can't look at a t.v. screen without getting a sick feeling in my stomach.

    • Ade

      Trust me, Knowing won't make it any easier for you.

      Also, thanks for dropping by my blog!

    • I saw Nic's interview on HBO the other day. As always, an artist would say it's a nice movie. Good thing I passed by your site, di ko na cya panonoorin. 😛 Katawa naman ung hair, hehehe!

      Thanks for peeking in my site!

      • Ade

        Glad I saved somebody from watching that godawful movie. Thanks for checking out my blog as well!

  7. Now I got to see it!

  8. You can't ask why Nic's hair is like that. His hair is a bird. Your argument, or in this case, question, is invalid. LMAO.

  9. Great review! I love the point system you used to rate Knowing—evil 90s hairdos FTW! :))

  10. laughing my ass off at the nicolas pic. nyahaha!

    "but aliens with 90’s hair save a couple of kids and white bunny rabbits (God, I wish I was kidding) and leave them stranded, without adult supervision, in an alien planet not unlike ours so that humanity can start over"

    parang lord of the flies lang… oops, teka "couple of kids," so dalawa lang sila? as in a young adam & eve?

    okay, that's one more movie i can uncheck in my go-to list. 😀

    • Ade

      Yeah. Young Adam & Eve. Meron pa ngang Tree of Knowledge eh.

      • ade! love the new layout! i'm happy to see you so in touch with your… er, feminine side. wahaha!

        update ka na, efril pool na.

        happy april fools! 😀

  11. hahahaha…its the truest account of nic cage's hair friggin annoying and to think he was rumored to play superman…laughed my head off…by the tnx for the review, i shant be watching the movie now tenk u, been meaning to.

    • Watching that movie is like cleaning your bathroom, you know it's unpleasant but you have to do it anyway because it's nic cage. 🙁

      • Ade

        You mean Nic Cage is like the gunk I clean off the bathroom every weekend? Figures.

    • Ade

      I just saved you from spending your hard-earned money! Thanks for dropping by my blog!

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