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Okay Kids, Back to the Dungeons!

I just witnessed the weirdest thing in the world.

I was hanging out in Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf at Ortigas Park with Noelle; we were waiting for Adam Mordo and Marielle to arrive when this van stops in front of the park. The van’s doors suddenly burst open and out came these Korean kids. There were like ten kids who suddenly ran out of the van into the park, happily playing like it was the end of the world.

Korean Kids
Fig. 1: Reenactment.

Ten minutes later, the van opened its doors again, and as quickly as they disembarked from the van, the kids, seemingly with one mind, ran back into the van and boarded it. Like a swarm. Of Koreans. The van then closed its doors and left, leaving no trace of the Korean anomaly. And as quickly as they arrived, they were gone.

We just sat there staring in stunned silence with our jaws agape. Noelle couldn’t resist though; she just had to blurt out “Okay kids! Your ten minutes of sunshine are over. Back to the dungeons!”


Poor Korean Kids
Fig. 2: Back to the dungeons?

Okay, maybe I wouldn’t be weirded out if those kids weren’t Koreans. Okay, okay, it wouldn’t matter at all if they came from Korea, India, Zanzibar, Somalia, or whatever. Hell, no, just because I’ve tried very hard to be non-Korean all my life doesn’t mean I have to hate them. But those kids were acting like, um, drones. I’m sure there’s a conspiracy there somewhere. A conspiracy to take over our kids by turning them into drones!

There may be an evil Korean Overlord in the van who embedded mind control chips on those kids, holding a remote control, manipulating those kids to “play”, “sleep”, “eat kimchi”, “do the kawaii sign”, “go back into the van”, or “sit on Uncle Ade’s lap”. I mean, with a setup like that, it’s obvious that they’re powered by Satan. Our kids are in danger! From Satan!

What to do in case of an evil Korean Overlord mind control attack

  • Use mind bullets. I mean, mind bullets are easy to do. It’s just like farting or burping. Only much more awesome. You might just actually kill the Korean Overlord in the process. I mean, that’s what I’d do. Because I’m awesome like that.
  • Listen to Barbara Streisand non-stop. Recent studies show that listening to Barbara Streisand can actually stop the brain from functioning. So if you’re braindead, there’s no mind to control. Neat, ain’t it?
  • Do not watch Meteor Garden reruns. Yeah, yeah, it’s Taiwanese. They still look the same to me. Whatev.
  • Use those Ernie Baron foil-pyramid head thingies to stem the flow of Satan in your head. Okay, I seriously don’t know how they do. Just trust me on this. Remember, Ernie Baron is a genius. Look, nobody, and I mean nobody, can beat him when it comes to facts. I used to watch TV Patrol back when I was a kid because I just wanted to see him talk about Koalas and the weather and other intelligent shit like that.
  • If the Korean Overlord tells you to “Sit on Uncle Ade’s lap”, do not resist. Especially if you’re a hot girl. Uncle Ade will save you from the Koreans. Just don’t mind me if I’m smelling your hair and rubbing my crotch while you’re sitting on my lap. That’s just how I save the world.

Anyway, I don’t think we’re screwed just yet. I don’t think they’ll be able to control our minds just yet. Or maybe there’s just a logical explanation behind the weird behavior of the kids. Yeah. That would be it. Also, let’s not look down on Koreans. They may have an evil Korean Overlord in a van mind manipulating those kids to act like drones, but we owe Korea for the existence of Jun Ji-hyun and Koreanovelas.

I just wish that the evil Korean Overlord would just press the “sit on Uncle Ade’s lap” button on his remote control more often.


null
Fig. 3: All Koreans grow up to be like this.

27 Comments

  1. "Use those Ernie Baron foil-pyramid head thingies to stem the flow of Satan in your head."

    Haha! Omg. My lolo bought me one of those when I was in elementary. Haha!

    reekah's last blog post..Slide with Me

  2. "Just don’t mind me if I’m smelling your hair and rubbing my crotch while you’re sitting on my lap."

    I take it you've read Magnificence? Or is this just the dirty way your mind works? Heh.

    Koreans. Feh. They're taking over the country. Now…if only Lee Dong Gun and Kwon Sang Woo would come join those kids, I'd gladly join the welcoming party.

  3. OMG Ade, i just experienced the same thing, i was on the way to laguna and stopped at Petron SLEX for a bite and then they came and went away, just like you described!! weird!

  4. Ade

    [quote comment="64978"]Darn! I missed all the action by a few footsteps![/quote]

    You missed them by two minutes? What, conspiracy you say? I think not!

  5. Darn! I missed all the action by a few footsteps!

  6. I'm a great fan of Tea. <3

    I might drop by there when I get my ass back to Manila. 😀

    With regards to Koreans, I'm better off zipping my mouth. My bosses are, after all, Koreans. I don't wanna get my ass fired. =P

    <– Heh. Playing safe to keep her freaking worthless job.

  7. what the–ade, i listen to babs! perhaps you meant Rain? 🙂 just wanna thank you, btw, for your kind words about my blog in some comments. aww. 🙂

  8. Ade

    [quote comment="64088"]heeeey i watch meteor garden reruns![/quote]

    You. Korean. Drone. Getaway!

    [quote comment="64090"]LOL!

    And that is all I have to say about that.[/quote]

    You! Back to the dungeon, you!

    [quote comment="64247"]You didn't tell me you went to the zoo recently…[/quote]

    I didn't know it was a zoo. Wait, what?

  9. *features

  10. Great blog! Anyway, when I saw Maria Ozawa's picture down there, I instantly remembered one of those stuffs that feature her.

    P.S. Link exchange?

  11. You're terrified of Korean Overlords with mind control remotes?! Just think what if Ade gets a hold of that mind control chips and remote controls?!

    Have mercy Unlce Ade, have mercy!

  12. this is a scary post. you have combined in one entry two things that trigger my inner hannibal lecter to surface: kids and koreans.

  13. You didn't tell me you went to the zoo recently…

  14. naalala ko tuloy yung jewel in the palace 😀

  15. oo nga noh. parang walang matabang koreano. hehehe. and i like your tips on how to control mind control 🙂

  16. LOL!

    And that is all I have to say about that.

  17. liz

    heeeey i watch meteor garden reruns!

  18. Ade

    [quote comment="63791"]I BLAME LEE SOO MAN AND THE REST OF SM ENTERTAINMENT FOR THIS. Those kids were made to listen to H.O.T, dbsk and Boa, hence their behavior (or state of mind)… And Ji Hyun is totally gorjasss! She should mate with Jo In Sung and produce beautiful celebrispawns.

    PS: My knowledge of Asian entertainment scares me. Srsly. PPS: Koreans doing the "kawaii" sign is LULZ.

    PPPS: You're from Ortigas, too! Harhar! FTW.

    PPPPS: This comment is rather long.[/quote]

    OMG A KREYAN! WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DID YOU DO TO FUNNYSEXY?! NOOOO!

    [quote comment="63842"]I hereby deny my acquaintanceship with you lest Kim Jong 2 (lolz that was funney) takes offense by nuking our house. Also, I am changing my name into a three-syllable string : Steel Yo Oh.[/quote]

    You traitor! now go back to Kreya and eat grilled ells or Kimchi or something like that.

    [quote comment="64057"]All Kreyans grow up to be like that?! I want one! No, I want TWO![/quote]

    Dude, I have five! FIVE! But… I have to wait toll they grow up.

  19. Ade, I dated a Korean a long time ago and all I can tell you is "yeah baby!" I think you might change your mind…. 🙂

  20. All Kreyans grow up to be like that?! I want one! No, I want TWO!

  21. Japanese, Taiwanese, Chinese, Koreans.

    Yeah, they all look the same to me. Err.

  22. meteor garden reruns is a yay! sad to say i found dvds at home… must burn them…must burn them…

  23. Fig.1: Nice.

    Fig.2: Sad. Very sad.

    Fig.3: …makes me forget sad Fig.2.

    And I think the only person immune to the Korean Overlord's mind control attack is Erap. That's a good thing too, because I don't think Ade would appreciate Erap sitting on his lap. Or would he? hehehehe

  24. "Remeber, Ernie Baron is a genius."

    — So that's why he drowned himself because of his "water therapy". Haha.

  25. Sit on Uncle Ade's lap? Hahahaha

    Man, I really should stop listening to my mom's Barbara Streisand albums. It all makes sense now…

    WON BIN! WON BIN! WON BIN! WOOHOO!

    piz.

    :)>- KAWAII SIGN!

    WOOHOO! WON BIN! ^_^v

  26. I hereby deny my acquaintanceship with you lest Kim Jong 2 (lolz that was funney) takes offense by nuking our house. Also, I am changing my name into a three-syllable string : Steel Yo Oh.

  27. I BLAME LEE SOO MAN AND THE REST OF SM ENTERTAINMENT FOR THIS. Those kids were made to listen to H.O.T, dbsk and Boa, hence their behavior (or state of mind)… And Ji Hyun is totally gorjasss! She should mate with Jo In Sung and produce beautiful celebrispawns.

    PS: My knowledge of Asian entertainment scares me. Srsly. PPS: Koreans doing the "kawaii" sign is LULZ.

    PPPS: You're from Ortigas, too! Harhar! FTW.

    PPPPS: This comment is rather long.

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