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Notes on the End of the World, 2012

If all this hulabaloo we’re hearing on the internet and Wikipedia is true, then the world is about to end on December 21, 2012. No, seriously. It says so on the Mayan Calendar. In fact, if you check this site out, you’d get some really informative stuff like this:

Q – According to Mayan calculations, when (in our calendar) is the world due to end?

The end of the Mayan Great Cycle after the completion of the 12th Bak’tum. It’s either the 21st or 23rd December, 2012 depending on whether you use the 584,285 or 584,283 correlation coefficient.

End of the worldSo, that clearly states that The Long Jump Calendar predicts a great cataclysm and that- wait. I didn’t get it. Let’s try again:

Clearly, the Maya put a great deal of work into this cycle, and it appears that they were warning us that this cycle causes periodic, massive cataclysms. The more we find out about this cycle, the more we want to know when it will be. Then we know that we can stop going to work, put on a pair of shorts, sit out and relax in a lawn chair and wait for the end of time, quietly sipping a lemonade [or perhaps something a lot stronger.]

Holy shitballs! You mean the Mayans, through the power of math, have figured out that massive cataclysms will happen? I knew I should’ve paid attention to math back in high school. For all we know I could’ve been predicting the end of the world instead of writing dick jokes on the internet.

Know what? I’m seriously bummed off. Nobody gave us the memo to not be born this eon because, well, nobody wants to be there when the Apocalypse starts and the world as we know it bursts into flames. In fact, the prospect that we’re coming nearer and nearer to global doom and assfuckery is sending hordes of people into a panic:

lol panic

I’m pretty sure the Large Hadron Collider has something to do with this somehow. /obligatory LHC joke

But it also got me thinking: what if those Mayans pulled this shit on us for laughs? You know, for us being able to survive into the 21st century and all? I’m sure those damn Mayans were just pissed off because Mel Gibson made a really crappy movie about them, but let’s face it: they’re using the power of math to end the world.

mayan Civilization
Douchebags.

Anyway, end of the world or not, I plan to spend the days leading up to December 21, 2012 groping all the hot girls I can find. And when the dreaded day comes, it’ll find me holed up in my basement, a five-year supply of cheetos to keep me company, laptop near so I can surf xvideos.com with ease, with a big pile of rubber tires doused with gasoline so I can burn them at a moment’s notice to ward off the attacking zombie army.

And maybe I should bring a math textbook or two as well.

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31 Comments

  1. satheesh

    will you please send a detailed note on the end of the world 2012 to [email protected] n

  2. IgnorantHATER

    Have fun wacking yourself before the world ends.

  3. Klien

    Guys, How about the bible says? I believe that there is end of the world.

  4. Lol. There's no such thing as the end of the world! Wahahahahahaha… right? It's not true, right? Please tell me it's not true! EEEEEEEEK.

  5. LOLz. Had a nice laugh reading this entry.

  6. End of world? Math? Cycles? Sounds like Y2K v2.
    Living in a basement sounds like a good idea though. Kinda like "blast from the past" Hmmmmm Alicia Silverstone….

  7. LOL what a bunch of geeks..pffttt

    hmmm..haven't been here for some time… ure still retarded…heehee

  8. Kept hearing about "end of the world" dates since elementary school days. I remember one that talked about a date in 1984 as end of the world. As it turned out, something ended then that gave birth to the Mac. Perhaps this end of the world is more symbolic of something about to end and something about to start. LOL!

  9. Haha! At least they looked cool for their grupo picture (labeled as douchebags!)

    Too bad, they're not around anymore to prove (or disprove) themselves wrong (or right! haha!)

  10. Don't tell me we'll start having fire drills and earthquake drills! Nation-wide drills FTW.

  11. loy

    Oh my… I should start digging my bunker somewhere… 😆

  12. days ago my sister told me stories about how her classmates went nuts with this mayan prediction. LOL

    those mayans.

    bak'tum!!

  13. "laptop near so I can surf xvideos.com with ease…."

    But there will be no more Internet. You should start downloading those videos now.

  14. Just read some stuff about Gaea theory and here's what it claims–Earth will regulate itself on 2040 (di ba sa Gaea theory, the planet Earth is a self-regulating organism–a higher scale cell which is larger than us, obviously).

  15. "And maybe I should bring a math textbook or two as well."

    Of course. When it comes to protecting yourself from giant planets that can obliterate the Earth, mathematical text books are the strongest line of defence. Still, I enjoyed this post. It is truly made of win.

    <abbr>Pwn Greenland´s last blog post:Jason’s back? Who fucking cares?</abbr>

  16. BAKTUM. Bohahahahahahahaha. These Mayans.

    <abbr>Jewel´s last blog post:Ako ay emo.</abbr>

  17. cza

    you got me at hulabaloo.. hahahah! 😛

  18. They said, BAKTUM LOL!

    <abbr>Joel Avatari´s last blog post:92. STUFF FLOATING AROUND</abbr>

  19. The end will come on 2012 according to Mayan calculations? No wonder algebra is one of the most dreaded subjects in school.

    <abbr>jhay´s last blog post:Clean your PC with CCleaner</abbr>

  20. emotionally sloppy

    I too still think that that Hadron Collider will bring about the end of the world. Ok paging some kindred spirit out there.. start finding some underground cave and lets make a city out of it ala City of Ember. Yay!!

  21. Funny thing, though, is that their civilization ended first before the end of our world.

    <abbr>Neil´s last blog post:Welcome to my Personal Blog</abbr>

  22. RJ

    The word “hulabaloo” always makes me giggle lol.

    RJ´s last blog post:Pers Day Pak! The Adventures of 10899588!

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