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Los Paranoias [or how A/H1N1 is driving us crazy]

That swine flu thing has finally reached our shores, and the number of infected people are escalating. So, what’s most logical thing to do? Panic. Yes, that’s what we’re doing now.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not downplaying the effects of swine flu. It’s dangerous and all, but seeing people around me panic is just not doing anyone good. Because I tend to freak out too; and whenever I freak out I curl into a fetal position and suck my thumb. Want to know how jumpy people are? Everytime somebody coughs in the elevator, I could literally see everyone’s head turning towards the poor guy, with MURDER written on their faces. I’m pretty sure if somebody initiated a punch, everyone would be involved within five seconds. The poor sap won’t reach the ground floor alive.

There’s a palpable tension in the air that was never there before. Everyone’s so uneasy, similar to the feeling of watching another Hayden Kho sex scandal video, but instead of Katrina Halili, he’s boning Dionisia Pacquiao this time.

Hayden Kho Nanay Dionisia Pacquiao sex scandal
In case you needed a visual aid


Have you seen those zombie films? The ones where a zombie bite transmits the virus and turns the poor victim into a zombie? Ever see how everyone’s paranoid and shit and you’d hear lots of “YOU’RE A ZOMBIE!” “NO, YOU’RE A ZOMBIE!” “WELL, YOU’RE MOM’S UGLY! AND A ZOMBIE!” whenever the survivors get together? If I get stuck with those people in the wake of a zombie apocalypse, I’d get my shotgun and shoot their heads off. And I’ll live with the zombies. At least they’re a quiet bunch.

Death by zombie
Quiet bunch

One more thing: zombies, even though they’re murderous little bastards, they don’t punk people. Okay, yeah, they tend to hide in very dark areas and all, waiting for an unsuspecting victim. But they’re just there. They don’t misinform people for the heck of it.

Case in point: we’ve been getting these really stupid messages that there’s been swine flu outbreaks in malls, office buildings, everywhere. I get it, swine flu is scary as shit, but come on guys. Everyone’s been jumpy enough already. Stop misinforming people, you stupid fucks. Aling Dionisia levels are bad enough already, let’s not escalate this to Madame Auring.


Also:

Stupid fucking quote
There’s a reason why the rainy season is also flu season, you guys.
And I rhyme, yo!

So in other words: fuck this swine flu shit. Right now, I’m stocking up on food supplies and short-range firearms, and I’m building a small foxhole here in my office cubicle. If any one of you sneezes, I’ll be screaming “YOU FUCKING ZOMBIE!” and spray you with Lysol and kick you out of my office.

17 Comments

  1. HAHAHAHA ………………………..H

  2. a lot of doctors say that dengue is more dangerous than the swine flu. the media really has its way of making things look bigger than it really is.

    love,
    nobe

  3. This just proves that we are an alarmist nation. For an infection that last about 3 to 4 days, the number doesn't seem to go down don't it? 344? 407? 1031? Who the hell cares about the numbers? We're 100,000,000 strong! We can take it!

    And oh yeah, A(H1NI) isn't really an airborne virus, its air-droplets. So unless they cough in your face, your pretty much safe.

  4. Me, I'm too lazy to even panic I'd rather die. lol

    yay swine flu! sana may threat buong year para walang pasok! huzzah!XD

  5. OK, so tama pala ang theory ko. Kasi tuwang tuwa ako pag umuulan. Sabi ko pa sa nanay ko, magaling nga at umuulan para di basta basta kumalat yang A(H1N1) virus na yan.

    LOLing over the Aling Dionisia statement. Hehehe.

    • Ade

      Hingi totoo yun, lalong kakalat ang swine flu pag umuulan.

      Thanks for visiting my blog!

  6. Should swine flu be even considered dangerous? Its mortality rate is way below 1%–about as deadly as common flu. I don't get why people are freaking out.

    • Ade

      Yeah, it's practically the same as common flu. People are scared of it without knowing if and why they should. I'm scared of A/H1N1 not because it can kill me (chances are, it won't), but because it can mutate (its DNA isn't stable yet). Now if it mutates, who knows what'll happen. Historically, 2nd/3rd waves of a pandemic are the ones that are really deadly. But medicine has come a long way since the Spanish flu pandemic, so yeah.

      But honestly, the alarmist news that people spread to freak each other is annoying. People are sooo very close to overreacting.

    • it's not that dangerous now but it can mutate and become deadly during the winter season. that's what really WHO is afraid of. and since A(H1N1) is far more contagious and spreads through air, that freaks out the authorities. And I think it's a valid concern. Besides, they are the top authorities when it comes to kind of things.

      • The term "A(H1N1)" refers to a type of very common influenza virus. The virus responsible for the current outbreak is just a new strain of A(H1N1). Yes, it can mutate into a deadlier form, but so can any of the other older and more common strains of A(H1N1). Viruses are funny like that.

        The possibility of a deadly pandemic has been with us even before the current outbreak and will always be around, so it really doesn't make sense to freak out yet. For now, the measures we usually take to avoid spreading common flu should be enough to deal with "swine flu."

        Caution is good. Panic? Not so good.

  7. Lysol? Where's the fun in that?

    Shotgun! Now that's where the fun begins. XD

    • Ade

      And who will clean up the blood splatters afterwards, huh?

      • Depends on where you encounter them zombies, really. If it's in the office, there's always the janitors as long as they'e not zombies yet.

        If you do it at home then it's your mess. You should clean it up.

        Just avoid doing it out on the streets, especially in Makati for you'd be fined for littering.

  8. don't forget to stock on plants. get lots of plants. especially those that hate zombies.

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