Personal

LOL You Punch Like A Girl!

I dunno about you ladies, but there’s this thing called “pride” that we men subscribe to. We don’t admit to feeling pain, even until you chop our arms off and lob off our legs with a broadsword. We’d still laugh in your face, and say threats like “You may have cut off my arms and legs, but you have not cut off my most important weapon: the penis! I’ll dickslap you to death, bitch!” or something intelligent like that.

Anyway, all I’m saying is that we all have delusions of awesomeness, we all pretend to not feel pain because we’re actually really awesome like that due to the size of our testicles. No, really.

Case in point: just last Saturday, we were having another TMB celebraganza somewhere in Makati and while we were waiting for Teh Mordo and Mike to arrive, me and Lauren had this most interesting conversation:


Lauren
: You know what? I punch like a girl.


Me: Well, first off, you are a girl–

Lauren: And..?

Me: And girls aren’t supposed to punch well.

Lauren: What’s that supposed to mean?


Me: I mean, girls. Girls aren’t supposed to punch. They’re the ones who are supposed to be punched. And exchanged for a Crispa T-shirt and a Kamayan gift certificate.

At this point, Lauren throws a punch. A rather painful punch.

Me: (draws deep, ragged breath, grits teeth)

Lauren: Well?

Me: T-t-t-that wasn’t… painful.

Lauren: Oh yeah? How come you’re sweating like mad and clutching your chair like you’re about to fall off?

Me: No I’m not.

Lauren: What do you call that?


Me: What?

Lauren: That!

Me: What?

Lauren: …

Me
: Punch me again.

Cue: Wet sound of breaking bones.

Me: That didn’t hurt, no siree. Nnnnnnnno. You punch like a gir-

Lauren throws another punch. This time, it misses my arm by an inch and it lands on my rib. A crippling  flash of pain shoots out.

Me: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH—–

Lauren: (excitedly) NOW it hurts! Amirite? AMIRITE?!

Me
: –AAAAAAAAAHH– That tickes! IT FUCKING TICKLES!

Lauren: Okay, so how am I supposed to punch then?

Me
: Well, I’d love to teach you, but my shoulder’s kinda dislocated right now. Can you give me a moment while I set it back in place?

Lauren: Ade, are you sure you’re alright?

Me
: Okay, so pardon my right arm if it just limps around lifelessly. It tends to do that. So this is how you throw a punch–

Lauren: Ade, seriously, if your arm is hurting me can just stop this–

Me
: NO! I’M OKAY!11 I AM FRIGGING OKAY! PUNCH ME ONE MORE TIME–

Lauren punches me again– this time, straight in the face. I fall off my chair.

Lauren: OH MY GOD! ADE I’M SO SORRY–

Me
: (climbs back on chair, nose bleeding) I’m okay! I’m okay! I-I-I-I’m okay!

Lauren: B-b-b-but—

Me
: (coughs out blood) I’m okay!

Lauren: Ade, I’ll get a doctor. Seriously.

Me: NO! I’M OKAY! OKAY, I TELLS YA!

I finally slump over, unconscious. Blood is spilling everywhere.

Lauren: Um guys? I think I killed him. Um, help?

But seriously, her punches didn’t hurt a bit. For real. It was like a girl punching me. Also, if you see me within the next two months wearing an arm cast, it’s not Lauren’s fault. I’m just wearing that to look cool. Yeah. That’s it. Because I’m rugged like that and I pick random fights with Koreans and shit. Girls dig that, you see.

So, have you had any similar experiences? Tell me all about it by leaving a comment!

19 Comments

  1. Naalala ko dun sa dialogue yung process recording ko sa pasyente ko sa mental.

  2. Ha! I'm too quick for any girl to hit me. By the time they're drawing back for the punch, all they see is my back as I'm running away.

  3. LOL. Conversation sure was funny y'know. Haha.

  4. Ade

    [quote comment="76263"]Gwahahaha. Men never ever get hurt, that's for sure. Even in the brink of death we still never lay down our pride.[/quote]

    Asteg! Appear tayo sistah! Ahay!

  5. Gwahahaha. Men never ever get hurt, that's for sure. Even in the brink of death we still never lay down our pride.

  6. Ade

    [quote comment="75851"]Hee. 😀

    Here via blog rush.[/quote]

    Oh hi! Blogrush working yes? Yay!

    [quote comment="75987"]LOL. That'll teach you not to underestimate women. :D[/quote]

    I did? When did I underestimate them?

    [quote comment="75992"]Ade, you didant mention the bit where she'd do an eerie laugh before, during, and after each punch. Different pitch and timbre each time, too, for variety.[/quote]

    Dude, I was too busy being comatose to notice, remember?

    [quote comment="76087"]Aahh, the obligatory man pride post. Very very manly.

    Forget about punching, I bet guys can't pinch as hard as us :P[/quote]

    Hey I can win a pinching contest anytime— um wait.

    [quote comment="75830"]LOLen dado[/quote]

    caLOL banawa

  7. [quote comment="75826"]No you didant! Also that coma I was in after the celebraganza? Not your doing.[/quote]

    Awesomez0rz! I think my technique needs some more work though. Boxing practice on Friday after shift, yes? Yes? Yayz!

  8. Aahh, the obligatory man pride post. Very very manly.

    Forget about punching, I bet guys can't pinch as hard as us 😛

  9. Adam Mordo

    Dude, there was this one girl over at Red Corner who I wouldn't want to fight. No, she is not a 200 pound behemoth who barely passes for a girl. She was about 110lbs, 5'6, slim but tight with nice perky breasts and the most awesome ass you ever will see. She also had a disarming smile…wait what was I saying? Oh yeah, boxing. Well I had the privilege of holding the bag for her one time and I swear bro, I could feel her punches through the freaking bag. Then she got on the ring and displayed dazzling footwork and scary hand speed. Sure I could floor her with one punch, but I may not even get to hit her. Meanwhile, her punches would certainly land on my head several times and eventually take it's toll and break her knuckles and that would be a tragedy. Anyway, my point is it's funny you guys were on the receiving end of punches that night. I can think of a more suitable target. Ok. I'm done taking up space here. Yay!

  10. Ade, you didant mention the bit where she'd do an eerie laugh before, during, and after each punch. Different pitch and timbre each time, too, for variety.

  11. LOL. That'll teach you not to underestimate women. 😀

  12. So what didya say about girls? ^^

  13. There was this time a girl punched me and both my lungs collapsed.

    My 6-yr old niece. 🙁

  14. What a weakling, that Ade person is.

  15. Hee. 😀

    Here via blog rush.

  16. Coy

    Haha!

    I actually got punched in the face by a girl back in grade school, uh, accidentally. She was practicing her punches on air and for some reason, my head got in the way. So I know the feeling. lol

    Have fun with those Koreans! Hehe.

  17. LOLen dado

  18. Ade

    [quote comment="75822"]I'm so sry I didant mean to break ur armz. :([/quote]

    No you didant! Also that coma I was in after the celebraganza? Not your doing.

  19. I'm so sry I didant mean to break ur armz. 🙁

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