
IRON MAN IN 5 MINUTES FADE IN: EXT. INSIDE AN APC CRUISING THROUGH AFGHANISTAN - DAY TONY STARK is flirting with some SOLDIERS TONY STARK Hi, I'm Tony Stark. You might know me as Robert Downey Jr. and I'm perfect for this role because I'm an alcoholic. SOLDIERS OMG we're in the same van as Robert Downey Jr! Let's all fanboy him and do kawaii signs because we're idiots and we'll die within the next 3 minutes! The APC in front of them explodes. The soldiers try to protect TONY STARK the best way they could- by getting killed and leaving TONY STARK to fend for himself.
TONY STARK Holy shit I'm gonna die. Wait, is that a live missile next to me? Ohhh, it's got my company's logo on it! I have to check-- MISSILE explodes, showering TONY STARK's chest with shrapnel. FLASHBACK: 36 hours earlier. EXT. LAS VEGAS, GRAND CEASAR HOTEL TONY STARK Oh look guys, I'm supposed to get an award but I'm here, gambling away. JAMES RHODES What the hell are you doing here, TONY? TONY STARK Because I'm a dick. And this is what dicks do. Also, why the hell do we have homoerotic tension? JAMES RHODES The hell? Homoerotic tension? Are you fucking kidding me?! ...kiss me. TONY STARK Can't. Hear. You. Too. Busy. Making. Out. With. This. Hot. Female. Reporter. EXT. BACK IN CAVE. PRESENT TIME. TONY STARK is held captive by typical MUSLIM TERRORIST STEREOTYPES. TONY STARK Why the fuck do I have a car battery attached to my chest? DR YINSEN Because you have shrapnel inside your chest. The battery powers an electromagnet so that you don't die. TONY STARK Wait, why didn't you just remove the shrapnel? Also, why am I not electrocuted or something? DR YINSEN Because if those things did happen, there won't be a movie, right? TONY STARK makes a suit of armor to escape, in a mind-numbingly awesome sequence. The GEEKS IN THE AUDIENCE furiously MASTURBATE. EXT.TONY STARK'S MALIBU MANSION PEPPER POTTS TONY, what the heck are you doing, wasting your time and money to make this stupid armor! Okay, we get it. It saved your life. Get over it. TONY STARK No, Gwyneth, I'm not listening to you because you're awfully miscast. PEPPER POTTS I hate you. TONY STARK Secks? OBADIA STANE manages some evil scheme that gives him a suit of armor which, in all respects is superior to TONY STARK's. Also, S.H.I.E.L.D. agents show up, trying to stop STANE, but somehow they all end up being squashed. S.H.I.E.L.D. is a fucking joke. TONY STARK Don't worry kids! I'm here to save the day! GIANT IRON MONGER looms in front of him OBADIAH STANE Look! TONY! In a very predictable plot twist, your mentor has turned against you! Insert typical villain laugh here! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! TONY STARK ...Fuck. EPIC BATTLE! ZOMG! THE AUDIENCE ORGASMS IN UNISON!
Yean, so in conclusion, you’re not missing much on Iron Man. It’s predictable. It’s HOLY FUCKING AWESOME VBYDKVSJuddauDFBKSBDS ;;;;; – I mean okay. Yeah. Okay. I mean, really.
NO I TAKE IT BACK IT’S THE MOST AWESOME FILM TO EVER HIT CINEMAS. WATCH IT OR I EAT YOUR CHILDREN.
philos
Way cool! Iron Man has got to be every man's dream life… extremely rich and smart, gadgets galore including personal robot, sexy secretary who takes care of his every need, superhero costume, flashy cars, rock star appeal.
Got.to.stop.now.I'm.starting.to.hyperventilate.Cool.
philos's last blog post..Chickens watching Survivor: dumbest survivor ever
Ade
[quote comment="120291"]Best Marvel movie so far!
PS. Finish the credits or you'll miss NICK MUTHAFUCKING FURY![/quote]
Uh, yeah, but technically, this is the first Marvel Studios film… so…
*hides*
RJ
Best Marvel movie so far!
PS. Finish the credits or you'll miss NICK MUTHAFUCKING FURY!
Neil
Better than the original, ade. Ayeehah!
Wait… I thought it's 5 mins! Or I'm just a fast reader? LOL.
Jeff
You are an evil man. And this is an evil post, which I read 30 mins before watching the film
I like your storyline better tho
keysi
i'll watch the movie if you babysit for me. haha
keysi's last blog post..Blocked? Free Proxy? Yeah.
Ria Jose
It was gooood!!! FUN TIMES! 😀
Ria Jose's last blog post..Manila Day 9: Politics and a Rock Fest
Euri
LOL!
I heard it's not that good, so I'm just buying a DVD instead of watching a movie~ XD
Euri's last blog post..Hide: 10th Death Anniversary
cheska
that made me laugh. thanks, ade! i mishu ade!
Jayvee
You spoiled the whole thing for me. HuHLolz.
Jayvee's last blog post..Having troubles with online geekery
Nick
tsk. tsk. you forgot the most important part of the movie.
for shame!
Nick's last blog post..RATE THE IRON MAN MOVIE!
jhay
What would the movie like if Donald Trump was the lead actor? LOLZ
jhay's last blog post..ASUS EeePC 900 Press Launch May 12, 2008
micketymoc
Iron Man, Iron Man
Does whatever an iron can
Presses shirts, squishes ants
Takes the creases from your pants
Look out, here comes the Iron Maaaaan!
(I can't take credit for this; read it in a Marvel Bullpen a loooong time ago)
micketymoc's last blog post..The Gospel According to the Ewoks.
Ely
Tony Stark. Billionaire Playboy with big boy toyz. Uh…
Larry Ellison? (of Oracle) LOL.
Ely's last blog post..Have Fun Playing Money Games
Ade
[quote comment="120225"]Hey, just like this, see? http://www.the-editing-room.com/%5B/quote%5D
Yeah, I know.
CARS
I don't have children! Buahahaha!
—
I'm going to watch this… someday.. somehow.. pirated DVD's anyone?
brokebrokebroke.
CARS's last blog post..The Godfather.
Bim
Hey, just like this, see? http://www.the-editing-room.com/
Jehzeel Laurente
i only hate iron man's "ready to fly" pose. It seems like he wants
to do bahhh leiii.. 😛
Jehzeel Laurente's last blog post..Thinking Of What To Blog
cigarette-girl
LOL. you've convinced me.
i'm going to watch na.
cigarette-girl's last blog post..The missing piece
Arbet Loggins
No spoilers? I'm such a cheapskate, I live on spoilers LOL.
Arbet Loggins's last blog post..One for Bloggers Da Who
thegreatest
wait, so gwyneth's the bad guy?
Rico
Maki say yes na!
And ade, nothing beats the schoolkid cool of a power armor! Kekekekekekekekeke!!!!
Also, please add "form#commentform textarea#comment {width:100%;}" to this blog's stylesheet and let me know if it fixes the overflowing comment box thingy.
joyfulchicken
Heh. Now I'm not sure if I want to watch this movie.
Helga
LOLZLOLZ, you used thegreatest's caption. Still gets me LOLZ.
Helga's last blog post..CAMWHORING 101: DON’T EVER DO THAT!
Joni
LOLZ!!
I also think Gwyneth is miscast.
Joni's last blog post..Version 11 and iBlog4
Maki
Haha..Gwyneth a miscast? Gotta see that hahaha… This is a semi-spoiler already haha, I remembered your 300 in 5minutes 😛
Maki’s last blog post..What You Know vs. Who You Know