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Introspection: A Chat With My Inner Child

Funny thing about going through a lot of emoness and change: you tend to think more. Also, in thinking more, I tend to become less retarded and – dare I say it – introspective. So laugh at me all you want, but I actually want to write something that makes sense for once. Sort of.

So dear reader, join me as I look inside myself, and make that journey for me to discover who I am.

Introspection

I’ve realized some things about myself that I am sure will be helpful when I deal with the future. Strangely though, I think all this introspection is kind of dangerous. I find myself spacing out more often than usual, or suddenly blurting out stuff like “Maybe I’ve been too much of a douchebag, and I need to get in touch with my inner child to rediscover my lost innocence” in the middle of a heated discussion regarding the new policy at work. Then my officemates would just stare at me blankly while I proceed to weep and light incense all around me, after which I do the Lotus position and hum Kula Shaker’s Govinda.

Speaking of my inner child, I do wonder how much I can stand my inner child or how much my inner child can stand me. Because, seriously, I’m not really good with kids. Kids cry when placed in my immediate vicinity. And I don’t think I have the patience to deal with kids. And I like to play evil tricks on them. Oh joy. So I’m guessing an encounter between me and my inner child will turn out this way:


Inner Demon ChildMe: So you’re my inner child, eh?
Inner Child: Um, yeah.
Me: I heard you can help me rediscover myself.
Inner Child: You see, I’m just a kid and all, so I really have no idea how I can do that for you. I’m just contented with running in the fields, eating cotton candy all day, and being hugged and loved by the people around me!
Me: Honestly, my childhood was never as good as you’ve described. What. The. Fuck.
Inner Child: Gosh, you said the F word!
Me: What? F word? Fuck?
Inner Child: You’re gonna make Baby Jesus cry!!!
Me: Eh?
Inner Child: Bad words! Bad words! Bad words!
Me: Kid, kid… calm down, calm down…
Inner Child: …Bad words! Bad words! Bad words! Bad words! Bad words! BAD WORDS! BAD WORDS!
Me: Oh dear lord, just shut the fuck up!
Inner Child: *stares at me in shock, with quivering lower lip and watery eyes*
Me: Oh no, please don’t tell me you’re gonna cry.
Inner Child: (in a small, shaky voice) I’m gonna cry.
Me: (slaps palm on forehead) Fuck, no.

Tell me, is there a penalty of any sort if we make our inner kids cry? And are they covered by child protection laws? Will Bantay Bata 163 go after me?

Anyway, I just realized that I really do suck at living. Thank you very much, journey of self-discovery for further degrading the little bit of self-esteem I have. I have to cry again, brb.

15 Comments

  1. Ade

    [quote comment="49152"]Your inner child is scary… :-([/quote]

    Scary thing is, he'll grow up to be me.

    [quote comment="49787"]So the inner child resides umm… there? No wonder the inner child tends to be anal![/quote]

    Good point.

    [quote comment="50215"]don't do that again–your inner child might end up strangling you![/quote]

    I guess it's the other way around.

    [quote comment="50051"]Creepy man… The way your inner child repeated BAD WORDS… Fuck almost sounded… bad. Almost.

    My inner child and I will forever be in a neverending battle.

    Right now, she's winning.[/quote]

    Can't you see? My inner child is the son of the devil!

    [quote comment="49218"]Take comfort in the fact that your inner child doesn't tell you to… kill people with pointy objects and burn things.

    Umm, we all hope not…[/quote]

    Not yet.

  2. don't do that again–your inner child might end up strangling you!

  3. Creepy man… The way your inner child repeated BAD WORDS… Fuck almost sounded… bad. Almost.

    My inner child and I will forever be in a neverending battle.

    Right now, she's winning. >.

  4. ooops…

    i just flushed my inner child down the toilet.

  5. Hehe, Benj beat me to that anal comment, blah.

    I don't think I've ever talked with my inner child. Hmmm.

  6. So the inner child resides umm… there? No wonder the inner child tends to be anal!

  7. Iyakin! Hehe.

  8. According to my inner child, I'm hopeless beyond hopeless. XP

  9. My inner child now lives in the Boys Town. Poor kid.

  10. Take comfort in the fact that your inner child doesn't tell you to… kill people with pointy objects and burn things.

    Umm, we all hope not…

  11. Your inner child is scary… 🙁

  12. Lucky for you, you have one inner child. While I babysit more than one inner child. I have inner quintuplets, darn.

  13. If I were to meet my inner child, I will not like him anyway. So I guess it wouldn't be necessary, well, for me.

    I might like what he looks like. But then I'm sure I won't like him. 🙂

  14. a conversation with my inner child would prolly end up in a massacre. me = the victim

  15. It is an SOP for any student Nurse to undergo a "self Awareness" program prior to any Mental Hospital duty. I'll have my turn, hopefully, next week, but I think there's some trouble with the scheduling pa.

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