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Inner Child Therapy: Welcome to the Blogosphere

Before we go on with this Daily Dose of Retard, I suppose you’d also want to blog, or already currently blogging but you’re totally dissatisfied with your blog host. Well then, I suggest you head on over to I.Ph, the most awesome blog engine on the planet. Heck, I started out there also. So please, just head on over to I.Ph and I swear, you’ll be blown away at how awesome it is.


So maybe I’ve been a little too harsh on my inner child the first time I ran into him. It is, after all, his first appearance on the internets, so he must be nervous and all. So to make up for the trauma I caused him,  I’m giving him some time to talk to me in this blog.

Isn't he such a peach?
Isn’t he such a peach?

It’ll probably do wonders for my recent emoness and possibly cure me of my schizophrenic tendencies. I’m looking forward to the day where I don’t have to sing “My Humps” (yeah, the most intelligent song EVAR) in funerals mainly because I think it’s damn funny and it creeps the hell out of the deceased’s relatives.

So without further adieu, here’s my inner child and me… debating. About… stuff.


ME: So ladies and gents, here’s my Inner Child, who is awesome and all. What do I call you by the way?
INNER CHILD: Larry.
ME: Larry?
INNER CHILD: You got a problem with that, buddy?
ME: No.
INNER CHILD: Good.
ME: Geez, somebody’s touchy today–
INNER CHILD: How would you feel if you didn’t get to buy cotton candy for today? You and your “Cotton candy can wait, we have to be on the blog ASAP”. You and your immature blog obsessions.
ME: But I said we can buy cotton candy later… um… Larry.
INNER CHILD: So why am I on this stupid blog anyway?
ME: Well, you first do as I do–
INNER CHILD: Make a fool out of myself and make everyone remotely associated with me hate my entire existence?
ME: I was actually thinking along the lines of rambling all you can in this blog and eventually becoming rich and famous. Like me.
INNER CHILD: Yeah, you’re rich and famous. And I’m the devil’s spawn.
ME: Come to think of it, you do resemble a certain son of the dev–
INNER CHILD: This blogging thing sucks.
ME: Hey! Not cool!
INNER CHILD: No, really, this sucks. It’s boring me. It’s not as cool as cotton candy.
ME: Just ride along. Please.
INNER CHILD: So this is what you do in your spare time? Eat tuna sandwiches, drink decaf instant coffee, and post obscene jokes on the internet?
ME: Yeah. But I call it… “blogging”
INNER CHILD: Hence, blogging sucks sweaty balls. You, and your entire existence, is crap.
ME: Guess what? You’ll grow up to be… me.
INNER CHILD: A fact that depresses me from time to time.
ME: …
INNER CHILD: And what’s with the hair? You need a frigging haircut.
ME: What? This is what you call style, kiddo.
INNER CHILD: F4 called. They want their hairdo back.
ME: That’s it. No cotton candy for you.
INNER CHILD: I don’t frigging care. Oh by the way, Ade’s readers, did you know Ade here has an extensive porn collec–
ME: Ok, people, time to move on. Nothing to see here. This has been edition number one of “Inner Child Therapy”, and–
INNER CHILD: Let go of me! Let go! Leggo!
ME: And people, don’t be alarmed if I’m stuffing this handkerchief into the mouth of this kid. This is my inner child, noisy tactless and all, so I suppose I’m not breaking any child abuse laws–
INNER CHILD: Let go of me you fatso!
ME: And also, don’t be surprised if I’m slapping this kid silly, remember, he’s part of my consciousness. He’s actually not a real physical being. So it’s okay to beat the pulp out of this kid–
INNER CHILD: FATSO! FATSO! FATSO! FATSO!
ME: Crybaby.
INNER CHILD: At least I don’t look like John Candy.
ME: Oh god, I hate you.

So this edition of Inner Child Therapy didn’t go quite as planned, I suppose. I promise to bring elephant tranquilizers the next time.

So, guys, are you in touch with your inner child? Tell me more about it by leaving a comment or two.

15 Comments

  1. Ade

    [quote comment="51024"]Geesh. You sound cooler when you're a kid. What happened? 🙂

    Haha. Hi Ade. :P[/quote]

    Wait… this is THE Riz, right? OMG!

  2. Riz

    Geesh. You sound cooler when you're a kid. What happened? 🙂

    Haha. Hi Ade. 😛

  3. Ade

    [quote comment="50577"]No, I'll bite him where it counts![/quote]

    Be more specific pls?

    [quote comment="50795"]Haha! Larry isn't very nice, is he? lol. This is a good one. :)[/quote]

    Yeah. I swear I wasn't this way when I was a kid. 🙁

  4. Porn collector? What's new? 😛

    I love Larry.

  5. bem

    you must've spoiled little larry. but hey, he's a smart kid. just a bit self-centered perhaps..

    (or is he just taking advantage of the attention because the adult ade do the talking most of the time???)

  6. I'm going to have a chat with my own inner child now as well. Your inner child is mean, btw. Funny though ahahah.

  7. Thanks for reminding me not to sing "My Humps" at my uncle's funeral who just died this morning. Don'w worry about this phase you're entering. We all went through it, even if people don't admit it. We all go emo sometimes. I guess it's called a quarter-life crisis.

    Belated happy birthday, by the way.

  8. No, I'll bite him where it counts!

  9. Ade

    [quote comment="50223"]Your inner child is damn bossy. Just be careful, he may take in charge of this blog.[/quote]

    Um, if you read my archives, you'll notice that he's always been in charge of my blog. *cries*

    [quote comment="50225"]Hehe.. I kinda like your inner child. 🙂 He's my type, actually. How about introducing me sometime? ;)[/quote]

    Why don't you try the guy he grows up into?

    [quote comment="50280"]By the way, you don't look like John Candy.[/quote]

    I know. Johnny Delgado is more like it.

    [quote comment="50360"]Give me 5 seconds with Larry and I shall scar him fo' life.[/quote]

    What'll you do, bite the poor kid to death?

    [quote comment="50422"]is he really that much different from big boy ade?[/quote]

    For starters, my name doesn't have "Larry" anywhere.

  10. is he really that much different from big boy ade?

  11. Give me 5 seconds with Larry and I shall scar him fo' life.

  12. Your inner child is scary…but funny at the same time, too. 🙂 Haha.

    By the way, you don't look like John Candy.

  13. Hehe.. I kinda like your inner child. 🙂 He's my type, actually. How about introducing me sometime? 😉

  14. Your inner child is damn bossy. Just be careful, he may take in charge of this blog.

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