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Inner Child Therapy: On Aging

Ade:   This morning, I found three gray hairs on my head.
Inner Child:   So?
Ade:   That means I’m growing old, you insensitive sonofabitch.
Inner Child:   And tell me again, why should I care?
Ade:   Um, because you’re part of my subconscious?
Inner Child:   And?
Ade:   I knew it, you couldn’t care less if I’m on the road to growing old. I’ll go find somebody to talk to.
Inner Child:   Wait, wait. You’re growing old?
Ade:   Apparently, yes. Y’see, we humans have something called a BODY. A body, which parts of the ego -like you- do not have, ages. And therefore, when the body ages, stuff happens, like an aching back, a thinning hairline, an expanding belly and an inability to sustain an erection for more than three seconds. And oh yeah, white hair.
Inner Child:   You mean… you can’t keep your birdie stiff for more than three seconds?
Ade:   NO! I didn’t mean me, I meant–
Inner Child:   But you just said–
Ade:   My point is, I’m growing white hair and I feel old.
Inner Child:   But what about your bird?
Ade:   Let’s not talk about THAT, okay?
Inner Child:   Why not?
Ade:   Let’s just talk about something else okay?
Inner Child:   Okay. Like what?
Ade:   Like my white hair and the prospect of aging. Man, I’m only 24. This shouldn’t happen to me.
Inner Child:   24? You’re old. Also, I can keep my birdie stiff for more than 3 seconds. I win!
Ade:   I… uh… nice to know. Can we stop making references to erectile dysfunction please?
Inner Child:   LOLz you said “erectile dysfunction”.
Ade:   What the fuck is wrong with you, kid?
Inner Child:   LOLz erectile dysfunction!
Ade:   …
Inner Child:   E-rec-tile Dys-func-tion! LOLz!
Ade:   Somehow, I fail to understand the fascination.
Inner Child:   LOLz what part of erectile dysfunction do you not find funny?
Ade:   Wait, let me think about it. Maybe it’s the part where I do not have it.
Inner Child:   But you’ll get it someday! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Ade:   Whatever.
Inner Child:   Why did the chicken cross the road?
Ade:   …
Inner Child:   BECAUSE OF… ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Ade:   Um. That joke did not make any sense, y’see.
Inner Child:  Of course it doesn’t. Neither does ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA–
Ade:   Dude, why the hell are you obsessed with erectile dysfunction? Are you gay or something?
Inner Child:   … what?
Ade:   You + obsession with flaccid penises = gay
Inner Child:   That’s not true!
Ade:   My dear young self, I’m only reporting what I see.
Inner Child:   My dear old self, you’re just growing cranky. And old.
Ade:   Exactly. I’m growing old. I’ll be hitting 25 in a few months, don’t you know? I’ll have lived a quarter of a century already! It… it feels I’ve lived for centuries already, but it’s still a blink of an eye on a universal scale. Yet… I still feel old. Can’t you grasp with your itty-bitty mind the significance of that?
Inner Child:  … No.
Ade:   I hate you.
Inner Child:   Just kidding. You know what? There’s one good thing that can come out of aging. Wanna know what it is?
Ade:   What?
Inner Child:   ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION!!1111oneoneoneeleventyone
Ade:   Sh- shut up. Seriously. Just… shut up.

22 Comments

  1. Counselor

    As amusing as this goes I still find it hard to believe you feel old at 25. 30 is a very humbling age in my opinion.

  2. hahahahaha… ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION. hmmm, last 2 weeks, i had conversations with two people who are close to me with topics that sort of relate to this. 1.) a friend who's looking for viagra to bring back to canada for her husband (he does have E.D. at age 45; and 2.) my brother and i discussing the odd places in his body where white hair grows – in his nose and below the belly button – and NOT on his head.

    man, you're only 25 and you're complaining about getting old? wait 'til you hit 30, let's see what thoughts you'll have with your inner child. hehehehe… funny, funny post…

    palma tayona's last blog post..MORNING PAPER

  3. well…[quote comment="119122"][quote comment="119119"]uuuhhhh!new words learned: "bird" & "erectile dysfunction"

    thank God i don't have a "bird", I don't have to worry about "erectile dysfunction".all i need to worry are osteoporosis and wrinkles.

    [/quote]

    Osteoporosis? Isn't that like erectile dysfunction as well?[/quote]

    not really.hehehe.but osteoporosis can be a bummer as well!

    Jaja's last blog post..Stupid x 4

  4. Ade

    [quote comment="119119"]uuuhhhh!new words learned: "bird" & "erectile dysfunction"

    thank God i don't have a "bird", I don't have to worry about "erectile dysfunction".all i need to worry are osteoporosis and wrinkles.

    [/quote]

    Osteoporosis? Isn't that like erectile dysfunction as well?

  5. uuuhhhh!new words learned: "bird" & "erectile dysfunction"

    thank God i don't have a "bird", I don't have to worry about "erectile dysfunction".all i need to worry are osteoporosis and wrinkles.

    Jaja's last blog post..Stupid x 4

  6. Teka, aren’t you already suffering from erectile dysfunction?=P

    Sorsi’s last blog post..Parental Control

  7. Ade

    [quote comment="119064"]Teka, aren't you already suffering from erectile dysfunction?=P

    [/quote]

    There's only one way to find that out, dear. ZING!

  8. Ade

    [quote comment="119036"]It'll be a matter of time before your Inner Child grows up to be Brad Pitt… and you will be Edward Norton.[/quote]

    Yeah, but Edward Norton grows up to be the Hulk!

    [quote comment="119034"]What the hell is wrong with your inner child? Sheesh talk about being non-supportive :P[/quote]

    Yeah. He's retarded.

  9. Good luck with your inner child. And erectile dysfunction. Haha. Just kiddin!!!111 lol

    Spence’s last blog post..Welcome to the Future

  10. It'll be a matter of time before your Inner Child grows up to be Brad Pitt… and you will be Edward Norton.

    paolomendoza's last blog post..Network War, Nuclear Explosion, At Sa Mga Taong Nangarap Magdala ng Anak ni Patrick Garcia

  11. What the hell is wrong with your inner child? Sheesh talk about being non-supportive 😛

  12. If my inner child was like that then it's beating up then get thrown down the stairs time.

    Exene's last blog post..I Hate The Little Mermaid

  13. Ade

    It saddens me that everyone here is obsessed with erectile dysfunction as well. 🙁

  14. Hahahahaha. 😀

    mitch's last blog post..HAPPY NEW YEAR!

  15. chris

    you're too young to get that, pare! and I KNOW YOU!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

  16. gyk

    ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION. hahaha

    that kiddo will surely annoy me,,

    gyk's last blog post..reminders.

  17. Two words: erectile dysfunction. hekhekhekhek

    jhay's last blog post..How to use Gmail with Yahoo! Groups

  18. You could be more understanding towards your younger self, Ade! He's just a child!

    Helga's last blog post..IT WAS ABOUT TIME.

  19. LOL. :))

    Joni's last blog post..The car that blogging bought

  20. That kid sure is annoying… But I can understand his giddyness because I'm still a kid, too. Hehehe.

    Erectile Dysfunction, lol!

  21. if you are accusing your subconscious of being gay, does that not make you accused of gayness as well?

    (disappears into the floppy hat before ade can bring a knife out)

    the jester-in-exile's last blog post..Church and State: Who Has The Right to Say "Do as I Say, Because I Said So"?

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