After seriously causing the end of my social life the other day I looked back on my life and I realized that I am an expert on making myself look like a fool in public. Especially in front of the opposite sex. I have a girlfriend already, but remembering my klutziness I sought to see if there was a way to help the other socially-impared klutzes out there. Guess what I found out.

Yes, HIM.

David Hasselhoff is an expert on being manly. And manliness is the ultimate thing to attracting girls. The internet has a treasure trove of images that will just prove how manly he is, and I hope you all pick up a thing or two about being manly from these pictures.

Hump a Giant Pepsi Bottle

Because nothing would get a woman’s heart racing faster than humping a giant Pepsi Bottle ala-Elvis.

Sing. Dance.

I cannot add anything more to this to make it more ridiculous.

Rape Puppies

Look at his eyes. Those eyes say “I’m raping puppies. You’re next!”

When you go home at night, strip naked, and put an ugly wrinkled puppy on your crotch. Yep, girls will salivate over you.

Use “Hoff Soap”

I guess you need no explanation on this one. Just get some hoff soap, rub it all over your face, and you’ll be irresistible to girls.

It’s the pheromones, baby.


Maybe it’s all too complicated for you, so I’m giving you a little bonus: below is a self-hypnosis guide. I assure you you’ll be feeling mightily manly afterwards.

1. Stare at picture
2. Be overwhelmed by The Hoff
3. Be manly!

Must… not… look… away… ooh, manly…

Just follow these simple steps and you’ll be on your way to become Cassanova. Enjoy Valentine’s Day with your newfound manliness!

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