A few weeks ago, Filipinos were up in arms over the comments of a Canadian principal who apparently thinks it is not normal to eat with a spoon. The principal, Normand Bergeron, said:
“I want them to eat correctly with respect for others who are eating with them… It is not the way you see people eat every day. I have never seen somebody eat with a spoon and a fork at the same time.”
Isn’t it enough that Canada inflicted the scourge of Bryan Adams upon us? Why look down on our table manners as well?
But I won’t go into a mindless rage and burst into a chorus of “Blame Canada” while spewing retarded trash like “CANADIAN NAZI PIGZ I H8 UR GUTZ! DIEDIEDIE!!!! LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!111oneoneone” on message boards. I won’t even ask that the said principal come over here so we “disgusting” Filipinos can stab him to death with a spoon. Bryan Adams, maybe, but not Mr. Bergeron.
No siree, I’ll go down the high road.
Maybe he just doesn’t know what we use spoons for. And this, my dear countrymen, is my chance to contribute to global unity and understanding by explaining to the whole world what exactly do we do with our spoons.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you The Joys of The Spoon!
Spoons are the most awesomest thing evar. As I have mentioned earlier, we stab our enemies with them. We may not be ninjas, but we have spoons. Ninjas have no way of defeating anyone wielding a spoon. Even the Mystical Bananaque’s power pales in comparison of the awesomeness of the spoon. Imagine: a ninja, holding a glowing bananaque, charges a spoon-wielding child. The child doesn’t even look up. When the ninja is inches away from the seemingly doomed kid, the child just does one barely visible swipe of his spoon…
And the ninja is down on the dust with a bleeding nose. The spoon does it again!
Of course the ninja’s very life is at the child’s hands. But the child, showing mercy and maturity beyond his years, drops the spoon, grabs and eats the bananaque, and leaves the ninja contemplating why he wasn’t worthy enough to be killed.
Take THAT, you ninja.
Don’t ask me why a ninja wants to do harm upon an innocent spoon-wielding child. It’s beyond me. I just want to demonstrate the awesomeness of the spoon.
Spoons are gonna be handy at those emo conventions, right?
Have you ever tried to play tennis with spoons instead of racquets?
No? You’re missing a lot, then. It’s a real challenge. Spoon-tennis requires lots of skills. You have to be fast and be strong enough so that the spoon catches the ball. And you have to practice lots and lots of self-control so you don’t accidentally kill your tennis buddy. We’re handling dangerous weapons here, you know.
Also, spoons make wonderful sunglasses.
See? He looks absolutely
dreadful awesome in that summer getup. However, I don’t recommend doing this because you will run the risk of falling in open manholes and be eaten by the large albino alligator that lives underground. Awesomeness doesn’t substitute for stupidity, you know.
Oh wait, he’s got a spoon. He’ll survive. Poor alligator.
So now you have to respect us spoon-lovin’ Pinoys. We use the most dangerous eating utensil practically everyday. We even put it in our mouths! We risk life and limb everyday. Just to eat.
What else can you tell the world about them awesome spoons? Now’s your chance! Comment away!