Stuff

I Hate Technology.

As everyone and their grandmother knows, I am a geek. Just take one glance at my stuff and you can arrive at the same conclusion because of my extensive comic book collection, various gadgets (and by “gadgets” I mean iPods and not Fleshlights, you perv), and my uncanny (“uncanny” meaning “horribly bad it’s unbelievable”) fashion sense.

Also, my extensive knowledge of all things Maria Ozawa, the fact that I surf the net a little more than your average 25-year old, and that I was the only one who was able to get Google Calendar to work in the office is kind of a dead giveaway. Anyway, my point: for a geek who revels in technology as much as I do, I’m beginning to hate it. A lot.

Gadgets may be awesome and all and shit, but it’s only a matter of time before all our technological wonders gain sentience and destroy us all? Just look at Terminator.

Terminator
This is how a fleshlight would look like if Skynet activated it.


In fact, I think my own gadgets are starting to gain sentience. Just the other day my laptop started acting up. USB ports starting dying one by one, and then suddenly working without any troubleshooting at all, leaving me stupefied (and staring at my laptop for an hour with my jaw agape). I’m usually competent around these newfangled gizmos that kids nowadays use, but I was stumped.

And then the inevitable happened: the portable hard drive that I use to store my stuff in died. Let me rephrase that. The portable hard drive that I use to store all my fucking files in, which I was planning to back up next fucking week, has fucking died, taking with it my entire music library which I had been painstakingly building for years, backup files of this blog, entire seasons of TV shows I’ve yet to watch, my entire e-comic book collection, band pictures & demos, and other personal stuff. And yes, porn.

Bono
Because Bono is symbolic of all things that are wrong with technology

And you can guess what happened next: I started to scream uncontrollably (at 3am) as I continuously plugged the USB cable in and out of my computer. That in and out action turned me on so much that I started whacking off, but since all my porn was in the hard drive as well, I realized how sad and sick I am and I started to cry. While whacking off.


So, technology, can you explain this to me?! I’ve been a loyal disciple. How could you fuck me in the ass with the big cock of failure?! (I was metaphorically speaking here guys, carry on)

Seriously, the next time I see the words “USB device not recognized” on any computer will be too soon.

Now ‘scuse me while I lock myself up in the office bathroom and I bawl my eyes out.

What has technology done to screw you up? Tell me all about it in the comments!

34 Comments

  1. try using those softwares that thoroughly scans your hard drive for disk errors and the likes. It might help.

  2. Ann

    Fleshlights. Your blog is rather educational per usual.

    Sarcasm, satire and all that aside, I've got a n00b question: Is it possible to get a portable hard driverepaired after physically damaging it? I kinda dropped mine. Twice.

    Anyway, I feel your pain of losing several hundred gigs of data. *hugs*

    • Ade

      Just as long as the hard drive itself isn't scratched, there's a way to recover data.

      I'm guessing mine was corrupted. I'll look for a way to recover my data.

  3. maybe there was a virus in your computer…

    you know virus comes with porn (or is it the other way around? LOL)

    you may try booting using Linux live CD.

    😀

  4. rj

    try changing the cable. minsan yun lang yung problem 😀

  5. Mel

    Hi ade,

    So this is just a week ago. What kind of USB hardrive is this? I was wondering if only the USB chip is the problem. Have you try running the hard drive itself on another USB module?

    • Ade

      Hey Mel! Thanks for dropping by my blog.

      I tried the hard drive on another PC. It's busted for real. =(

      • mel

        hmmmm so its a bye bye hard drive I guess… anyway.. I'm the one with you at sm blog event.

        • Ade

          Ah, I figured you were that guy I met! Thanks for dropping by my blog, dude!:)

  6. Blame China. Low cost manufacturing + poor quality control = frequent fail.

    • Ade

      I'm seriously going to blame China for everything from now on.

      Traffic? China.

      Flash floods in Florida? China.

      Itchy toe? Motherfucking China.

  7. CM

    How could you fuck me in the ass with the big cock of failure?!

    – "Because I can" – Skynet's fleshlight of doom

  8. Last december, while waiting for the call if ever i passed for the "dream job" i've been waiting for, my samsung cell suddenly acted a bit weird- It wont accept incoming calls!!!
    The DAY that i've been expecting for that call and suddenly i could not receive any incoming calls!!!! WTF!!!

    Thank goodness the company called our landline.
    The funny thing is, the next day, my samsung cell is back to normal again.
    I can't figure out what happened?!?

    P.S: until now my samsung cell is still ok…

  9. This is why I took the time to burn all my files, at least those I wanted to keep in an archive, to a bunch of DVDs. With a slightly used DVD burner, I might as well use it until it conks out.

    And yes, my porn is saved on those discs. Heh.

  10. RJ

    I dropped my 1tb external with ALL my files once. It stopped working, so I punched it . Then it started working again.

  11. Perf

    My condolences, brother… 🙂

  12. technology has failed me many, many times over the years. One of the most painful was when my desktop PC screwed up my thumb drive so bad, my term paper was reduced to a worthless pile of one's and zero's.

    • Ade

      That used to happen to me back in college. And it happened way too often, because we were using floppy disks.

  13. I feel bad that I actually knew what a fleshlight was before clicking it. :'( Oh btw something like that happened to me too — I broke 2 almost-brand-new USB flashdisks because of a "device has malfunctioned" error on a new PC. Whut.

  14. i agree with jepoy.

    i think this whole diatribe was all about the porn. am i right, ade?

    ps. i never realized it was possible to do "that" while crying one's eyes out.

    *files that piece of information in my head for future reference*

    • It's one of the most effective means of torturing a person for information or just pure sadistic pleasure; forcing someone to whack off while crying. 😀

    • Ade

      ps. i never realized it was possible to do “that” while crying one’s eyes out.

      *files that piece of information in my head for future reference*

      So… updates?

  15. goodbye porn :'(

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