Down The Highway, Featured Post

Down The Highway: An Advice Column for Emos – 7

Dear DtH,

I have never been laid in my life. Ever. I mean, I try to make a move and get some every now and then, but I really can’t. Pathetic. you see, I’m just an ugly piece of crap and I’m never gonna get the taste of a female in my life ever.

Human, that is.

You see, I was passing by my grandma’s farm the other day, and I saw this cow. And well, she was the finest specimen of bovine meat ever. And I’m using “meat” liberally. So I went to the cow, and I got a whiff it’s aroma… and… and… and…
I’m not gonna go into the specifics, but let me just say grandma caught the cow and me with my pants down and we’re getting married this week. I want a HUMAN wife, DtH!

What have I gotten myself into?! (please, no “beef curtain” puns)

— Desperate for Bovine


Dear Desperate for Bovine,

Wow.

Y’know what’ll make your situation more pathetic? If your, erm, wife does a cleaveland steamer on you. I mean, doing the steamer with humans is gross already… but with a cow…

***

Dear DtH,

i have a girl i like and she like not me i really wnat her my wife but she hate my guts i really want her i love her i been slashing my rwist for her but she jsut ran away and cry am i freak dth,,, i cry and i cry and she cry and she hate my guts dth i want to die dth plsea hl;ep me i really am confuse really dth wat can i do;;; i am sad like ornussa;;; ornussa sadness lol;;;;

— really confsued guy

Dear really confsued guy,

I don’t know about you, but I can’t understand a single thing. I’m really sorry, I don’t speak retard.

You see, I’d like to help you, but that girl you’re seeing ran away with Steel. I mean, he’s just as retarded as you are (maybe even worse), but at least he can speak and write properly.

Want the evidence? Here:

Aw c’mon, don’t cry. It can’t be that bad. I mean, you can still slash your wrists if you want to.

13 Comments

  1. hey bro, just thought i'd drop you a line and say it was interesting meeting you last Saturday. i actually didn't connect that you were blogging from ademagnaye.com until i actually tried searching for your domain this morning 🙂

  2. gaaaaad, the photos are drop-dead… hilarious! HAHAHA. what can I say? Pity on those people who happened to go gaga over love.

    😛

  3. Janep – AJ won.

    Why, are you guys planning to mug him?

  4. I'm guessing that's how the Mad Cow disease started. Poor cow, minding it's own business..then all of a sudden, *boom*..the experience drove the cow crazy! LOL

    btw, who won the iPod?

  5. ade

    [quote comment="16520"]Dude, did you guys leave early? I was looking for you guys after the raffle.[/quote]

    Coz I'm a blogger. And bloggers don't have social lives. Besides, I had to slash my wrist because I didn't win the iPod.

  6. Dude, did you guys leave early? I was looking for you guys after the raffle.

  7. Hehehe, poor cow indeed.

  8. ummm… cowwwwww

  9. Haha, poor cow!

  10. [quote post="252"]I’m not gonna go into the specifics, but let me just say grandma caught the cow and me with my pants down and we’re getting married this week. I want a HUMAN wife, DtH![/quote]

    Welcome to the club.

  11. Ohohohohhh!!!! So it's blackmail you want eh?! Now where did I keep that topless photo of you and that transexual masseuse?

  12. If I were in their situations, I'd slash my wrists too.

    But then, if I were in their situations, I'd be emo. So I'm glad I'm not them! :p

  13. It's good to see the DTH again, hehehe but the steam with a cow?! *shivers*

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