Down The Highway, Featured Post

Down The Highway: An Advice Column for Emos – 5

Dear DtH,

EMO LOL

There’s this girl that I like. She’s smart, pretty and with an awesome personality- basically the whole package. So to cut a long story short: we became close friends, and just as when I was about to admit my feelings for her, I just found out that she is actually a transvestite. I like her, but the very fact that she has a dick makes my stomach churn. But I like her. I am now so confused. What should I do?

Man Beef

Dear Man Beef,

Are you sure you don’t like dicks? Just looking at the name you sent your letter in seems to indicate that you go for dicks and all that. But since I have quite a number of gay readers who I don’t want to offend (which I think I already have, dammit), I’m gonna steer away from a discussion of dicks already.

Well, here’s a small test where you can actually find out whether you can stomach the fact that your girlfriend is a transvestite:

After you do all that and you come out of that room feeling mightily manly (where you don’t get an impulsive need to rape the first male you see), then you can’t hook up with your transvestite girlfriend, I’m sorry.

Also, you can still take up slashing – you’re an emo after all.

***

Dear DTH,

I don’t know what to do with my life.

Catholic School Boy

Dear Catholic School Boy,

I don’t know what to do with your life either.

***

Dear DtH,

I have a friend who recently broke up with her boyfriend of five years. And now she suddenly became so emo that it’s impossible to stand her. She suddenly is now thinking of killing herself. her BLOG is so full of EMO crap nowadays and her IMs are depressing me… HELP?!?!?!

r0xr_ch!x

r0xr_ch!x,

You committed a mortal sin: you did not provide a link to the blog. I would like to make fun of it. Also. you may remind your friend who broke up with whom. I mean, isn’t that obvious? Also, if she starts slashing her wrist or something, advise her not to post the pictures on her blog, because, well, that’s retarded. Suicide is the best way to become a big joke on teh interwebs. Also, if your friend is still depressed over some wussy guy, I do know of quite a number of guys (STEEL) who would like to meet and hook up with your friend.

Also…

Dicks.

Ooops. I go now.

Feeling emo? Send me email at noisynoisyman [at] gmail [dot] com!

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11 Comments

  1. Jam

    Haha. Nakakatawa yung reply kay Catholic Boy.

  2. ade

    [Comment ID #2481 Will Be Quoted Here]

    Dude, why do you have an unhealthy obsession with me and my dick? LOL

  3. ^ "Man Beef? LOL! He tells his favortites unconsciously."

    Wewewait! Are you implying that my friend Ade here is a homofo?! Well he's not I tells ya! He's just, uhm, confused.

  4. JV

    Man Beef? LOL! He tells his favortites unconsciously. Oh, the suicide thingy! It's just a melodramatic way of wimping out. If they choose to die, okay, it's their decision anyway. Mother Nature would be happy since there will be fertilizers for the beautiful flowers.:lol:

  5. EJ

    Ha ha! So Catholic Schoolboy did make it to DtH. Whaddya know…

  6. ade

    [Comment ID #2461 Will Be Quoted Here]

    O ye of little faith, Jesus loves all his children:

    <center><img src="http://www.mathcs.emory.edu/~mic/images/funny/love-jesus.jpg"/>(c/o steel)</center>

    [Comment ID #2460 Will Be Quoted Here]

    So, does Sam's hotdog make you, ah, er, manly?

    Also, I'm just compiling the best of DtH before I publish it over at TMB to ensure maximum OMGWTFBBQ LOLsroyce!!!11exclamationpoint

  7. Waaah! Di ako makapag-blog. Sobrang busy sa work at house chores. Inbound Caesar account ako sa CVG. CVG1 site ko.

  8. Catholic School Boy can fuck off and die for all I care. Doesn't he have Jesus Christ to help him out? Puh-lease.

  9. Wu-hat the…?! I turn my back for one second and next thing I know your pimpin' me to hungry sick Emos?! You sure are a real pal Mr. [email protected]!%&[email protected]^& LOLsroyce!

    Also, Sam Milby's man beef is delicious! Thanx for inadvertently advertising it.

    Also, why in the world aren't you still publishing DtH on TMB man?! Show us some man-love will ya?!

  10. You're really a fan of Barbara Streisand aren't you Ade? Hahahaha

    I've been thinking, what if I actually write an emo-ish letter and send it to you for this column of yours? Wouldn't that be post to wait for for. hehehe

    PS

    My e-mail about the SEO and adsense tricks will come shortly, I'm currently recovering from a recent blog crash.

  11. magpakamatay na lang kayong lahat. derecho di ba? hehehehe. or just be a gay serial killer and collect dicks of both straight and gay men and do whatever with it. maybe put it in a bun and smother it with mayo and mustard and have a picture taken of you wearing big headphones. hahahahahaha!

    and as a desensitization exercise for you and your fans on dicks and gayness, read my entry. and pards, you might want to visit Jher's blog, he made this amazing video of us.

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