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BREAKING NEWS: The Man Blog Declares Coup D'état! OMG!

MANILA, Philippines — A group of civilians calling themselves members of The Grand Order of Fail stormed Hotel Sogo in Cubao, Quezon City and declared what they call a “LOL D’état”. They have easily taken over hotel security by threatening them with suspicious-looking liquids contained within sealed vials marked with labels such as “herpes”, “syphilis”, “pubic lice”, “erectile dysfunction”, “premature ejaculation”, and the ominous “I don’t know what the fuck this is but you don’t want to get infected by it”.


The swift takeover of the Hotel Sogo

 

After successfully taking over said hotel, they have issued a statement which is unfortunately mostly unreadable because it was written in 1337 and mostly unpublishable because the un-1337 parts have expletives between every other word. Two hours after they released their first statement, they have released a list of demands:

  • Rename The Philippines as “Republic of Man”.
  • The Grand Order of Fail will be the default religion and those who fail to subscribe to it will have their penises fall off like wilted leaves
  • Shawarma dipped in crushed labuyo sauce will henceforth be the new national food.
  • Chuck Norris will be instated as president for life, with David Hasselhoff as first lady.
  • Banana Gangbangs will the national pastime
  • Saaya Irie will henceforth become a Filipino citizen, whether she likes it or not.
  • All citizens will have http://www.tmbspecial.com/forum as their default homepage on their web browsers.

Police Chief Gen. Salungbayot demanded that the group leave the hotel premises by 3pm or they face, in the words of the general, “extreme pwnage”. The group responded by throwing a vial of herpes at his face. The 3pm deadline came and went without further incident. This non-event sparked rumors of the Philippine Govermnent surrendering. Mike “Fucking” Villar, the group’s leader, went on national television to declare victory, saying “They cannot defeat us. We have armies and gold and mana and Pokemans and berserkers all those other things you can buy on Warbook.”

 
However, revelries were cut short when tear gas bombs were released. But the members of the Grand Order of Fail bravely stood their ground despite the loud noise of Steel crying his eyes out in one corner. Soldiers attempted to breach the hotel’s entrance with tanks and battering rams, to no avail. However, they had one last card up their sleeves. They brought out their weapon: JESUS RIDING A PINK UNICORN!

 
Jesus easily overpowered the Grand Order of Fail, and he quickly arrested them. As they were being brought out of the hotel while being restrained by plastic things, Mike Villar loudly declared that “we are not terrorists. We’re teLOLists.”

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27 Comments

  1. Wait 'til TriLOLnes hears about this!

    Baddie's last blog post..I Want to Learn How to Play Poker

  2. TeLOLists! hahaha! Go Man-Blog! Show 'em how it's *really* done.

    Joni's last blog post..An Airport Mishap

  3. lol… please join Entrecard.com alerady so I can write a recommendation on this site there. Sometimes, you scandalize me, but i keep coming back nonetheless…. weird huh?

    evilwoobie's last blog post..No house and lot here. (LOL)

  4. you and your pink unicorn! I didnt think you'd go this far. LOL

    alohapenny's last blog post..I think Im back

  5. “LOL D’état”

    LMAO!

    And, omg, Hotel Sogo ONLINE? O_O WTF.

  6. I actually saw this on TV the other day!!!

    Helga's last blog post..MY COUNTRY GIVES ME TEH LULZ.

  7. There goes your attempt to create a ReLOLutionary government.

    Jayvee's last blog post..Life as paralegals

  8. HAHAHAHAHA!

    1337 ftw! TMB should start a revolution soon. Hahahaha LOL at the unicorn.

    Juice's last blog post..Thief of Time

  9. Damn you, Ade LOLnaye! You made me LOL inside.

  10. Ooopps, double post.

    (This is the third, though.)

    I'm not spamming. (Medyo lang.) Sorry, sorry. My connection is, f*cking up. (Palusot. =P)

    Euri's last blog post..PHP Everywhere Conference

  11. @ Benj ~

    lol. But most people doesn't know our dear pink unicorn. Well, I guess he/she is not as popular as Christ?

    Euri's last blog post..PHP Everywhere Conference

  12. lol @ Benj

    Euri's last blog post..PHP Everywhere Conference

  13. Shawarma… Hmm.

    I'M VOTING FOR YOU FOR PRESIDENT ON THE NEXT ELECTION!

    Godie's last blog post..Evolve or die: The Business 2.0 Model

  14. The Pink Unicorn! Wait, why isn't it invisible?! This is blasphemy!

    benj's last blog post..24 Days To Go!

  15. I was probably drunk and dead when this happened 🙁 Jesus on pink unicorn? Tough luck guys. Any plans for another motel take over? LOL poor Steel!

    joiz's last blog post..Give Syphilis on Christmas Day

  16. Geez! This is what I've been dreaming about for ages. For some group to declare Coup d'etat in Hotel Sogo!!!

    Yey. 😛

  17. As I've said so earlier, I'm a part of it. Haha! Go! Go! Go! TeLOList wins!

    Euri's last blog post..PHP Everywhere Conference

  18. LOLZ!!!111!!111

    Maybe they should have thrown all their vials at Malacanang instead!

    jhay's last blog post..Joey Ayala performs at UP Diliman

  19. Ade

    [quote comment="106712"](rolls on the floor laughing) punyemas. namiss ko ang katarantaduhan mo ah. (naku, i should write in english baka mapasama ako sa jologs entries mo in the future. hahahaha)

    [/quote]

    Hey Jerome! Welcome back to my blog! Haven't seen you comment in ages. How are you?

    [quote comment="106756"]Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie!!!!!

    You perv. you've been habitually masturbating again, have you?

    [/quote]

    To a 13-year old? You perv. No. You?

    [quote comment="106760"]Jesus and teh pink unicorn? You're trying to make a lot of people happy, aren't you? lol

    [/quote]

    Yes. It would've been awesomer if Jesus was riging a pink unicorn lolcat!

  20. hahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahaha

    un lang

    ^_^

    sarah's last blog post..airsoft addict?present!

  21. Ann

    Hey, I tagged ya. 🙂

    Ann's last blog post..Seven truths

  22. Dittoing keysi.

    And yeah, he's overdoing it without moving his hands.

    Neil's last blog post..procircle

  23. Ann

    lol crazy much? There should have been some lolcat involved though. There can be no pwnage without lolcat. hehe

    Jesus and teh pink unicorn? You're trying to make a lot of people happy, aren't you? lol

    Ann's last blog post..Non Sum Qualis Eram

  24. Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie Saaya Irie!!!!!

    You perv. you've been habitually masturbating again, have you?

    keysi's last blog post..St. Francis Square is Full of Win Too!

  25. uy shawarma! nice…

    LOL at david hasselhoff as first lady

    cyberpunk's last blog post..Two Memes

  26. TOO FUNNY! 😀

    Ria Jose's last blog post..Happy!

  27. (rolls on the floor laughing) punyemas. namiss ko ang katarantaduhan mo ah. (naku, i should write in english baka mapasama ako sa jologs entries mo in the future. hahahaha)

    Jerome aka Bridget Jones's last blog post..Bridget Jones and Mark Darcy: On Their 3rd Year!

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