Open Letters, Stuff

An Open Letter To The Girl Who Accidentally Touched My Bird in The Elevator

Dear Girl Who Accidentally Touched My Bird in The Elevator,

So I was standing in the elevator minding my own business, right? And I was busy talking to The Mordo and Helga, minding my own business when your group just came in barging. I counted between 7-10 people. It should’ve been an ordinary crowded elevator moment. But you had to come in, texting and not minding your surroundings and swinging your arms like crazy. Yep, swinging your arms like crazy in a crowded elevator.

Guess where your hand landed.

Reenactment.

Reenactment.

So, Girl Who Accidentally Touched My Bird in The Elevator, I usually don’t mind. Accidents do happen, you know. But it was really amusing to see you stop in your tracks, freeze for around thirty seconds, panic written across your face. At this point I was so fucking trying to keep my laughter in. So I decided to do what any other gentleman would do in such an awkward situation: stare at you and keep the awkwardness up for the long elevator ride from the 25th floor down to the ground floor.


So you probably think I’m some creepy and pervy guy who would take no better pleasure than standing in elevators, waiting for fine women such as you to accidentally feel him up. I am no such guy. Just ask all the women who have accidentally touched my bird (five so far, none of them as cute as you- wait I don’t know if you’re cute, you tried very hard to make sure I don’t see your face; but I digress).

But I really do apologize for doing that to you, and I promise to make it up to you by buying you dinner. You see, I think that YOU + ME = WIN. I know, I know, I used that line before on some cute chinita barista, but she ignored me, eloped with her Jinggoy Estrada lookalike boyfriend, and slapped me with something the lawyers called a “temporary restraining order” along with a note that said “if you fucking come near me and my family, you’re so going to fucking lose your right testicle.” See, Girl Who Accidentally Touched My Bird in The Elevator, she broke my heart.

So now that I’m done using the broken heart card on you, please say yes when I’m asking you out, and I promise I’ll let you accidentally touch me again. And I won’t look at you weird this time.

Accidentally yours,
Ade


24 Comments

  1. Hahaha.. hilarious post, my man. Pero dahil naka-limang "accidents" ka na sa iyong birdie, I think nagiging expert ka na sa pag-posisyon kung saan madaling ma-accident si birdie. lol.. very good post, pareng Ade, at very good blog…

    Mawe's last blog post..YouTube – Pablo Francisco – Previewman parody

  2. LOL. I would have noticed the weird look and said "hey, was that your Nokia 8210?" har har har

    woobie's last blog post..Romantic Conversation: the Secret of Words

  3. Accident like this do happens specially on a close quartered area like in the elevator. You're lucky if its a very cute or a very hot chick that was able to hit your birdie. Otherwise you won't be writing this post if she not. 😀

  4. aahhh ikaw ba yun? hahaha!

    posts like this make me ask myself why i don't read your blog more often tsk tsk!

    sushi's last blog post..a break-up is a break-up is a break-up

  5. Are you sure that wasn't p0yt??? O_o

    Also, LOL!!

  6. Question is, IS SHE REALLY A GIRL?! dun DUN DUNN!!!

    avatar's last blog post..The day I've dreaded is here!!

  7. Hey you stole the idea for my "An open fly for the girl whose hand I touched with my Bird in the elevator" article! I hate you.

    Steel's last blog post..Killer Product: Corsair Flash Survivor GT

  8. AHAHAHA!! Nakakatawa… kasi last time I was with my boyfriend and we took the elevator, he accidentally swung his hand and it landed sa ano ko. HAHAHAHA Na shock ako! Pero okay lang, kasi may "pad" ako that day, so may extra protection. HAHAHAHHA!! Pati at least bf ko yun at hindi random guy… haha! Pero nakakatawa kasi sakto yung entry with what happened to me just recently.

    Sarah's last blog post..Another recount of the weekend that was.

  9. Aha! So that's the trick. I'll try to "accidentally" touch people's crotches next time so they would buy me dinner. LOL

    Poyt's last blog post..Enjoying an indie at Cubao X

  10. you haven't answered mica's question, ade. hahaha! self-incriminating?

    the jester-in-exile's last blog post..Even Energizer bunnies run out of juice now and then…

  11. Heh. Well, that's better than accidentally getting kicked in the nuts.

    joyfulchicken's last blog post..If I have a billion dollars….

  12. That is definitely not an accident. Take it from me *winks*

    Tahn's last blog post..He could still touch my soul…

  13. Lemme quote a quotable quote: "There are no accidents."

    (And this is from the mouth of an old turtle from a recent movie I saw, but what the hell, I'd like to think the relevance of this adage extends to elevator incidents similar to yours.)

  14. Was it really an accident? Or you dastardly planned the whole thing with the help of ninjas and David Hasselhoff?

    But hey, and OMFG, you've just been sexually offended in public (for the 5th time), maybe you should use this. Take it from the other girls who slapped a restraining order against you.

    Use this to compel the court to make the girl pay damages by going out on a date with you.

    I just don't know if the courts will side with you given your record. 😛

    jhay's last blog post..Samsung to open a factory in the Philippines?

  15. thegreatest

    Are you sure it was panic that was implied in her reaction?

  16. this blog post is really hilarious! baka naman she is "THE pervert" because as you've said, why would she wildly fling her arms or as you said, swinging your arms like crazy in a crowded elevator, if not for the simple reason that she really wanted it to happen..

  17. Too bad you don't have an instant capture video camera glasses, I would've loved to see that panic in her eyes hehe

    philos's last blog post..Photohunt: Water (2nd this week)

  18. I can hear Parokya ni Edgar's "Don't Touch My Birdie" LOL

    So a girl needs to touch your bird accidentally before she gets an invitation from you for a date? haha

    Micamyx's last blog post..Hello Again, Manila!

  19. van

    you, incorrigible creep, you….lol

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