Open Letters, Stuff

An Open Letter to my Stalker

Dear Stalker,

It’s been three days since you started to call me up. I know it must be cute for you to call me up three times in a row when I’m working and twice when I’m in the shower. And you probably think it’s cute to just shut up and giggle like a schoolgirl when I ask who the hell are you. But that time you called me up at 3:30 am when I was dead tired was too much.

Problem is, I don’t think we’ll work out. I don’t know who you are, what you do, what you look like, or even if you really are a girl. I don’t know anything about you, except your number that makes me groan in agony when I see it flashing on my cellphone screen. You could at least text me and say “Can we be TEXMET?” so I could text you back a big fat no. But no, you keep calling me, keep annoying me, and keep on giggling like a schoolgirl on crack.

I’m sorry, we can’t be together. We are just too different. I don’t waste my time calling up people at random and subsequently stalking them. I waste my time stalking people at random over the blogosphere. Yes, I also giggle like a schoolgirl when I stalk people, but that’s different.

Besides, I. Have. A. Girlfriend. I am NOT interested in somebody else. It is a law of nature that committed guys are genetically unable to have crushes on another girl (Especially Jessica Alba), so I cannot, by any law of nature, like you.

So I hope you understand, and please stop calling me. If you want somebody to stalk, I can give you the number of my good friend Roel who has been complaining of a dry spell these last three months.

Sincerely,
Ade

P.S. Go to hell.

38 Comments

  1. karla anaya

    I know what u mean by being stalked. I have a stalker as well and have NO clue who this person could be. I like your letter and i just gave me an idea that might help me identify who this pycho is that has been stalking me for 3 yrs now.. Thanks ..

  2. At least you only have one stalker! I've 3 and I know exactly how you feel… 🙂

  3. answer the phone and tell her that go get a life!

  4. This is so funny! Know why? It's because I can relate to yah..haha Don't worry too much. Ciao!

  5. Ade answered the stalker calls because, um, he wanted the stalker to incur phone charges? >:D

  6. ahehehe

    wag ka daw kasi masyado enticing para nde mo naaantig ang insecurities and innate craziness ng ibang tao 😀

    (swerte ka pa nga eh…ako, may time i couldn't use my cellphone anymore, and i kept getting bombarded by curses and testimonials of how great a whore I was even if i haven't slept yet with even a third of the entire male population in manila… so kaka!)

  7. ade

    [Comment ID #185 Will Be Quoted Here]

    not any more. the last time he/she/it called i screamed "DON'T CALL ME ANYMORE!" at my cellphone. that stopped the giggling from hell. 🙂

  8. hahahaha 😀 grabe ade is she still stalking you? :p

  9. naks! mas sikat ka pala eh!

  10. ade

    [Comment ID #170 Will Be Quoted Here]

    Let's not get hypothetical here. LOL.

    [Comment ID #171 Will Be Quoted Here]

    'tis over man, thanks. 🙂

    [Comment ID #172 Will Be Quoted Here]

    that is priceless!

    [Comment ID #173 Will Be Quoted Here]

    yes, i have a GF and i know that she doesn't test me that way. 😉

    [Comment ID #174 Will Be Quoted Here]

    nyerk!

    [Comment ID #175 Will Be Quoted Here]

    be my guest.

    [Comment ID #176 Will Be Quoted Here]

    lol. 🙂

  11. aby

    @ ade:

    Not really, posts like this make her cringe in agony. lol.

    ….which reminds me of my past relationship! haha. how cute.

  12. May I volunteer my number too? 🙂

  13. Yikeee. Sikat! Congratulations. XP

  14. ade,

    im sorry. i never realized you will react to my calls this way. i never intended to giggle like a schoolgirl. a schoolgay perhaps, but not a schoolgirl. hahahahaha. anyway, you should have caller id installed para ikaw naman ang mang stalk sa kanya. gantihan baga. saka serious may gf ka na? baka naman sya yun tinetesting ka lang. 😛

  15. wow may stalker ka ade! hahaha!

    before someone proposed to me over the tag-board, geez… such a loser hahaha

  16. i feel sorry for you. it's like the popcorn kernel stuck between your teeth. no matter how much you try to take it out using your tongue, you know deep inside that you'll need help, in one form or another. anyway, just returning the favor. cool site. I would like to put a link to your site from my links page, if you don't mind. good luck on whatever you decide to do with this stalker thingy.

  17. What if it was Jessica Alba stalking you?

  18. ade

    [Comment ID #164 Will Be Quoted Here]

    Nice tips. Will do that to the NEXT stalker. I just found out that screaming "DON'T CALL ME AGAIN!" would suffice. lol.:)

    [Comment ID #165 Will Be Quoted Here]

    Some people get murderous stalkers. I get the annoying ones.

    [Comment ID #166 Will Be Quoted Here]

    lovely.

    [Comment ID #168 Will Be Quoted Here]

    not any more. lol.:)

  19. oi, may admirer/stalker siya… 😉

  20. wow! artistang artista ah! pumunta ka sa telecommunication co. kung san naka list yong fon no. nya, file a complaint or get a harassment restraining order.

  21. Stalkers are fine as long as they are less annoying as yours. *lol* And your letter – it's pretty well said.

    What is the color of a yellow mango?

    LMAO!

  22. Naks, artista na ata, may stalker na. 😉

    Anyways, you could just reject her calls. That's what I did when this happened to me last year. Or you could answer the call then put the phone near a radio or a tv then pump the volume up or something.

    The more you answer her calls the more she's gonna keep on calling you.

    Just be careful though, she might be a real psycho or something.

    The best of luck!

  23. ade

    [Comment ID #150 Will Be Quoted Here]

    Not really, posts like this make her cringe in agony. lol.

    [Comment ID #152 Will Be Quoted Here]

    Francis M rocks!:)

    [Comment ID #153 Will Be Quoted Here]

    hehehe… kala ko rin naman walang tatangka sa akin na mag-stalk eh… 🙂

    [Comment ID #154 Will Be Quoted Here]

    that. is. screwed.

    [Comment ID #155 Will Be Quoted Here]

    d mo pa nakwento sa akin yan ah! details please!

    [Comment ID #156 Will Be Quoted Here]

    my thoughts exactly. thanks 🙂

    [Comment ID #157 Will Be Quoted Here]

    nope, s/he doesn't know about this. i think s/he just dialed a number at random and stalked the owner (me) like hell.

    [Comment ID #158 Will Be Quoted Here]

    sino naman ang mags-stalk sayo?!

    [Comment ID #160 Will Be Quoted Here]

    nyark! d noh!

    [Comment ID #161 Will Be Quoted Here]

    i'm not gonna change my #… hindi naman nakakatakot eh… annoying lang. 😉

    [Comment ID #162 Will Be Quoted Here]

    hindi naka-display sa site, nahulaan lang niya (ata) ang # ko. 🙂

  24. Hehehe, big time ka na pala ngayon ade ha, ini-stalk-an ka nalang. 😀 San nga pala nakadisplay yung numero mo, parang wala naman eh.

  25. lols. it could be possible that your stalker is somebody you know. or if you're willing, just change your number…and hope that she doesn't get hold of your new #…gud luck!

  26. naks sikat!!!

  27. I always "forward" my in coming calls before I retire at night and check it in the morning. And it helps.

    As to your stalker…she's totally "ignorant". That's my word for HIM/HER!

    Have a nice day BTW!

  28. franz

    wahahah! sorry ngyn lng ako nakabalik dito.. di ko tuloy nalaman to agad..anyways.. d ko matandaan kung nakwento ko na syo na nagkaron rin ako ng stalker sa text.. waaaaaaaa. oo. at nagpalit ako ng number.. no choice e.. buti na lang college pa ko nun.. ok lang papalit palit ng number.. hehe.. teka ala bang clue kung sino yan.. baka nagandahan sa boses mo.. akala pogi ka.. =)) ahehe.. joke lang po.. alam ko annoyed ka.. yaan mo magsasawa rin yan.. un lng. ignore mo nlng kng ayaw mo palitan number mo.. 😛

  29. Eurgh. Mga papansin talaga. Maybe you should change your number. 🙂

    My ex experienced something similar, but it's even more freakish. There was this girl who'd call him in the middle of the night… and… moan into the reciever. Freaky.

  30. ewww stalkers. i don't give a shit about them. i ignore them. lol.

    btw, to calm you down follow this linkage:
    http://francismagalona.multiply.com/journal/item/

  31. lol! natawa ko sa reply mo 🙂 di kasi nakikita ko sa palabas laging nilalamas yung mga rekado 🙂 bago iluto tapos sa translation sa english nga sabi lagi mo isipin na habang niluluto mo yung pagkain imaginin mo na ngingit sa sarap yung kakain,medyo sexual ba ang dating? di ko naisip yun plamis :)(pero di dapat ako magpaliwanang DI DAPAT! LOL!)

  32. aby

    wow! ur girl is so fortunate to have yah! rock on.

  33. ade

    [Comment ID #147 Will Be Quoted Here]

    Hindi naman ako artista noh! 😛

    [Comment ID #148 Will Be Quoted Here]

    I don't even know if my stalker knows the meaning of "blog". 🙂

  34. yen

    so feeling pop ka pala dahil may stalker ka haha..
    helo wg m n sagutin kasi noh everytime maki2ta mo # nia sa screen..
    dont entertain her..or him?! haha,, anu b yan bading!? may tama ata sayo hehe,,,oh well, i know how it feels pg may stalker haha.. feeling daw ako!!!

  35. Jee

    Erww.. stalker.. that must be disturbing and scarry.

    btw ever wonder if the stalker will be reading this post?

  36. you think your stalker knows about your blog? do you have any idea how the stalker got your number? iba talaga pag sikat, may stalker. hehe 😀

  37. “P.S. Go to hell.”

    Yeah! That’s the way to do it!

    Buti nalang wala akong stalker (as if naman may magtatangka.. haha!)

  38. pwede ka ng ihilera sa mga artistang me stalker nyan!!! yari ka!! wawa!!!!

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