Open Letters, Stuff

An Open Letter to My Nose

Dear Nose,

So how are you doing? I sure hope that all is well and good, and that you and your family (that little thing we call the “respiratory system”) are doing great. I do my best to take care of you all by not smoking, trying hard to not breathe in pollution, and by not inhaling anthrax. So I must be sure you’re doing good. I wish I could say the same for me, but here’s a little problem: you’re making me fucking sneeze all morning long.

It’s the first day of my Christmas leave, you see? I woke up after an awesome full night’s sleep (one of two things I haven’t had in a long time. The other is secks) expecting to have a busy day ahead, with me torrenting lots of movies, porn, games, and basically being a bum. A busy bum. Awesome, right? Well, I thought it was going to be, until hay fever kicked in.

A good visual representation of the torture I’m going through

I mean, holy shit. Worst case of hay fever in history. I spent a good two to three hours sneezing like crazy, scaring the shit out of everyone in the house. Hell, I endured three sneezing fits just writing the last two paragraphs.

And th entire point of this letter, nose, is that can you stop being so violently sensitive? I mean, it’s annoying enough that you get me into a sneezing fit every two days or so, but an entire two hours’ worth? Geez, did you get into a bet with somebody else’s nose as to who’ll beat the world record for sneezing?

I don’t know about you, but being world-renowned for sneezing is not exactly the way to go. I could be the guy who gets rid of world hunger, solve the JFK assassination, come up with a cure for AIDS, herpes, and cancer, or invent the internet. But I can’t. Because you just wouldn’t stop letting me fucking sneeze!

Seriously, nose, I feel like I sneezed out the left hemisphere of my brain already. Stop it. Please. Or I’ll cut off all your hairs again. Like I did the last time.

Odoriferously yours,

P.S. Fuck you.


  1. I have rhinitis and this usually happened to me –like every morning when I wake up and hours before I hit the sack. Freaking annoying if I'm at work or covering an event.

    greyweed's last blog post..I want?!

  2. Well, instead of sneezing the usual way, you can try to say Hhhhhaccchocolate! You know, to be cool.

    Benefit no.2 If you can get someone else to laugh, their mouths will be open as you're spewing out microbes and saliva at 200mph! yay!

    benj's last blog post..Yes, The Shirt Is Now Extant!

  3. i know how much it sucks. my sinuses are bastards as well.

    cyberpunk's last blog post..Runaway Things and Freaky Gadgets

  4. I haven't been sick yet because I'm making unconscious deals with my throat. But last year I got sick twice in one season. So I guess it evens out that I'm not sick now.

    Exene's last blog post..Why I Don?t Like Answering The Phone

  5. Ade

    [quote comment="118366"]I have found a kindred spirit!


    Hay fever victims unite!



    [quote comment="118368"]@Helga> Hhhhhhachocolate! is still tops in my book. LOL


    Can you like explain to me what's going on?

  6. Gesundheit!

    Poor Ade. Kleenex?

    mari_elle's last blog post..Afro Christmas

  7. @Helga> Hhhhhhachocolate! is still tops in my book. LOL

    benj's last blog post..Yes, The Shirt Is Now Extant!

  8. I have found a kindred spirit!


    Hay fever victims unite!

    Donya Quixote's last blog post..The boys of the NYPD choir were singing Galway Bay?

  9. You dead yet, kid?

    Keyser's last blog post..Better Days

  10. man, this template looks so similar to those found at… but it says it was created by adivorblog. Are you sure they didn't rip it and claim it for themselves?

    trench's last blog post..30 days of Night (Theaters)

  11. When you sneeze, do you make stupid sounds like… "CHOWKING!" ?

    Helga's last blog post..WORKPLACE HELL: THE WASHROOM.

  12. Poor monitor. Tsk tsk tsk. Poor monitor. :p

    Neil's last blog to choose a webhost

  13. The only thing that will remind you that you're going to be well is when your mucus turns to a very slimy green fluid.

    Hmm… this is the nice time to eat those chinese cuisine at Ongpin.

    agent grey's last blog post..Monsters!

  14. Welcome to my world! I have rhinitis and anti histamines are my best friend!! I get sneeze fits even if im just puyat. 🙁

  15. I'm pretty sure that Chicosci has something to do with this.

    benj's last blog post..Countdown To the World Championships: Get To Know UP Manila B

  16. Toe

    Naku Ade… dinig ko hanggang Cambodia yung haching mo. 🙂

    Toe's last blog post..Nanowrimo Extreme

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