I can’t believe that it’s almost December already. Soon enough, I’ll be braving the crowds (and possibly a knife between my ribs) to get gifts for my (alarmingly decreasing number of) friends and family (who apparently read my blog and are one step away from disowning me). The gifts, as always, will consist of these items:

  • Socks (in orange, lime green and baby blue)
  • Handkerchiefs
  • Belly button lint
  • Mongo sprouts (I grew them myself)
  • This

But even though I work very hard to give people the things that they want for Christmans, I rarely get things that I like for Christmas, since Santa Claus is an asshole and never gave me a single thing ever. So yeah, my Christmases past are EPIC FAIL:


To make sure that nobody makes the mistake of giving me a used life-sized David Hasselhoff doll again, I shall proceed in enumerating the things I want for Christmas. Take note, people.

iPod Classic 160GB

Yeah, I admit I’m a big sucker for iPods and I’ve had two iPods in two years (what a laspag the iPod guy that Ade character is, lolz) and my 2nd-gen nano is still (thankfully) functional and thus giving me no excuse to head off to the nearest mall and buy an iPod, but a gift would be nice.

Yeah, that last paragraph was lame. Shut up.

John Lennon “Revolution” Casino

It’s either that or John Lennon’s corpse.

Nintendo Wii

Yeah, I know that the Wii was last year’s must-have item, but then, those things were expensive back in 2006. Also, Jayvee brought his Wii to a couple of TMB parties and after using it, I realized that this is the perfect machine to give me an excuse to work out and finally get thin. Of course, I have to make sure that my shoulders don’t get sore for two weeks.

Fat retarded guy holding a Wii: lulz ensue

Jessica Alba



I rest my case.

What do you want for Christmas? Leave a comment and let me know, and I might, just might, give you a bunch of orange socks.

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