When They Say the Chicken Is Hot, They Frickin’ Mean It.

Buffalo Wings

Buffalo Wings (Photo credit: Mike Saechang)

 

Me and my girlfriend love this quaint little buffalo wing place near her school. It’s pretty nice and affordable, and the chicken is some of the best I’ve tasted.

Anyway, for the longest time, their menu has piqued my curiosity. Okay, anything with food names written on it makes me curious and horny, but you didn’t need to know that. So my point is that this restaurant serves the most number of buffalo wing variations ever. All my life I thought that there was only one kind of buffalo wings, and that it is heavenly enough already.

Turns out I’ve been living a lie all along. You see, there are four varieties of buffalo wings. And one of them is called “Wild”. Yes, wild. Like your mom last night.

Every time I eat there, this “Wild” buffalo wing teases me like hell. Like some stripper who tells you that she she wants you but no, you’ll never get her, no matter how much you try. Getting it on with a stripper is impossibly hard, unlike with your mom (Yes! You walked right into that!). I stare at it every single time (the menu item, not your mom), but I never get the urge to get it on with the wild buffalo wing. The simple description beneath the name scared me shitless: “It’s hot!”

The other day curiosity got the best of me and I ordered the wild buffalo wing. The girlfriend tried to stop me, calling me stuff like crazy, suicidal, and something to the effect of “you’ll be farting like crazy into your next two lives”. The waiter just stared at me with a look that said “Holy shit, don’t order the freaking wild buffalo wing, you’ll die. Just don’t die before you pay your bill ok?”

As much as I love spicy food that I put chillies into almost everything I eat (labuyo in ube cake: yum), the way people were treating me (like a man who was about to die) was giving the the creeps. So the food was prepared, an ambulance parked outside the restaurant, a lawyer specializing in last wills and testaments was called in, the waiter served it to me while making the sign of the cross, and a rosary and a prayer booklet for last rites was served complimentary with my meal.

Come on, these people are exa-fucking-ggerating! It’s just a fricking chicken, not a fucking murderer.

How bad can it get?

 

English: A closeup of the fireball and mushroo...

 

Moral of the story? When people tell you to not buy the stupid chicken, listen. Lest you want to end up with scorched tastebuds and run out of said restaurant screaming like crazy.

Also, I aplologize about that joke I made about your mom. That was a pretty low joke, and I’m sure your mom’s a sweet and caring person and did not deserve it. That whore. (OH SNAP!)

Any food experiences similar to mine? Tell me all about it!

Comments

Ade

Blogging since 2003. Social Media monkey. Bassist for the indie-pop band RomCom.

  • http://crazyinsane.i.ph Yel

    I TOLD YOU!!! =))

    • http://blog.ademagnaye.com Ade

      I know rite! =(

  • http://cantseeshit.wordpress.com/ RJ

    I see this post as a CHALLENGE.

    ONWARDS!

    <abbr>RJ´s last blog post..Badeyes McBlind, The Querido!</abbr>

  • http://cantseeshit.wordpress.com/ RJ

    Wait, where exactly can if find this place that serves these "wild" wings? My dead food blog needs a revival.

    <abbr>RJ´s last blog post..Badeyes McBlind, The Querido!</abbr>

    • http://blog.ademagnaye.com Ade

      Flaming Wings in Katipunan. Awesome pasta, awesome pork chops, spicy chicken wings that'll make your u-u watery and spicy for a week.

  • http://chickenmafia.com joyfulchicken

    You have to tell us the name of the restaurant. Please.

    <abbr>joyfulchicken´s last blog post..What's that sticking out of his mouth?</abbr>

  • http://jungzx.wordpress.com Jewel

    Ew. You eat ube. :-&

    <abbr>Jewel´s last blog post..Merry Christmas Money</abbr>

    • http://blog.ademagnaye.com Ade

      Ube with LABUYO.

  • http://jrocas.com.ph jhay

    Perhaps Ade purposely left out the name of the place because of some legal restraining order or something? Or he really wants us to suffer the same fate as he did.

    Sneaky bastard….

    <abbr>jhay´s last blog post..The Nikon D40 that blogging bought</abbr>

  • http://bigbaddie.com Baddie

    *cough* pussy *cough*

    <abbr>Baddie´s last blog post..Luna the Laptop</abbr>

    • http://blog.ademagnaye.com Ade

      Sh- shaddap.

  • http://avatar.i.ph avatar

    I WANT THOSE WILD WINGS! Will try it next time I get to katips. which will be NEVER.

    Also, I saw in myth busters that the best way to fight the burning sensation on you tongue would be to drink milk. Imma need a pregnant lady with me!

    <abbr>avatar´s last blog post:84. Addicted to Plurk</abbr>

    • http://blog.ademagnaye.com Ade

      You want the Wild Buffalo Wings? You wanna shit lava too?

      • http://avatar.i.ph avatar

        What's the matter? I shit lava all the ti-

        wait!

        <abbr>avatar´s last blog post:84. Addicted to Plurk</abbr>

  • http://blog.ditz-revolution.net Helga

    Flaming Wings! <33333 My housemates and I used to order the 25 pieces and have that for dinner, seeing who'd give up first. They have good pastas, too, and the boyfie and I once made baboy and split the breakfast sundae.

    <abbr>Helga´s last blog post:OY, WORDPRESS COOLEST BLOG COMPETITION.</abbr>

  • http://soul.beyondeternal.com Euri

    I'm starting to loathe chicken. Chicken na naman. Araw araw na lang chicken. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, chicken. Pati ba naman blog post chicken din? *mumbles mumbles*

    =P

    <abbr>Euri´s last blog post:Beyond Eternal 5th Anniversary</abbr>

  • http://dweebness.wordpress.com Mitch

    Oh, but the first picture looks so appetizing.

    <abbr>Mitch´s last blog post:IT’S SHOWTIME!</abbr>

  • akosigundam

    Ahh, I've been to Flaming Wings too!! The BURNIKalo wings aren't that spicy at all. Doesn't even come close to zero in the Scoville scale. At least they're not as oily as that of other restaurants.

  • http://jaypeeonline.net/ Jaypee

    I have something similar happen to me but in my case, there was no one there to tell me what that green pasty thing they serve with japanese food was and how it tasted.

    After that, I found out what Wasabi was and that it was freakin SPICY!

    <abbr>Jaypee´s last blog post:WP Theme Review: Blak Magik</abbr>

  • CM

    So wild buffalo wing has the effect of a Hiroshima bomb, huh? Iiiiinteresting.

  • http://www.hilarryon.blogspot.com Larry

    last time i ignored a friend's warning about spicy food, i ended up with a numb tongue for almost two days. i'll take your word on this one.

    <abbr>Larry´s last blog post:halloween '08</abbr>

  • http://cessong.blogspot.com Cess

    I love spicy food! Where is this place in Katipunan exactly?

    • http://blog.ademagnaye.com Ade

      The place is Flaming Wings, near Pizza Hut. Tell me about it when you get to eat the Wild buffalo wings, ok?

      • Cess

        i dont like buffalo wings or any wing part though. i like the breast part in a chicken. do they have anything spicy other than the wild buffalo wings?

        • http://blog.ademagnaye.com Ade

          You can try the chicken tenders, they have the same flavors as the buffalo wings.

  • http://www.scottrobertsweb.com Scott Roberts

    The hotter the better, just as long as the sauce has good taste. That's all I have to say.;)

  • Ramen Rider

    Flaming Wings? Finally, a worthy challenge. XD

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