Last time, I taught you guys how to deal with your girl when that monster we like to call PMS rears its ugly head. We have learned that it may be an unpleasant experience for her, but there is reason to believe that PMS is much more painful for men. This time, I will show you how to deal when that ugly monster called “I’m Broke” possesses your wallet.
Imagine: it’s your 3rd anniversary. You guys have spent a good deal of the last three months planning for that one day. You have planned on having dinner in a nice five-star hotel (yes, dinner only, you perv) that’ll charge you a thousand bucks each time their waiters sneeze. Yep, that hotel is so classy. Perfect.
But on the day itself, you open you wallet to see that all you have is a 100-peso bill, a bubblegum wrapper and bus tickets dating from five years ago. You run over to the ATM to withdraw some cash, but by some sheer force of luck all the ATMs in town are offline. You decide that you’ll pay using your credit cards when you glance at your bill and you realize that you just maxed out your credit limit because of that Hentai DVD you bought last week.
What do you do?
Change Venue – Who says you have to spend a lot for your anniversary to be awesome? You can change your plans at the last minute! Never mind the fact that you have a reservation already. You can take her someplace where you can actually afford the food.
Someplace like McDonald’s.
PROS: You can save money. And you get a free toy if you buy a Happy Meal. Awesome.
CONS: Can you say “cheapskate”?
Home Dinner – This is similar to Change Venue, only it entails more effort but saves you dignity. You can just have your date at home, where you cook the dinner. Yes, cook. Real cooking; you know, recipes, stoves, knives, and stuff. I’m not talking about putting an entire slab of Spam inside the microwave and serving it. Make sure the venue is dark, and have dinner by candlelight for added effect.
PROS: Romantic. Also, girls love a guy who can cook.
CONS: She’ll figure out that you didn’t pay you electric bill and that you’ve been living by candlelight for the last three weeks. Also, if you can cook like a French Chef, you’re gay.
Win the Lottery – This is a bit trickier. Since the odds of winning the lottery is 1:5788465848554688, I suggest that you collect every lucky charm there is on the planet. Fill your pockets with rabbit’s feet, horseshoes and pictures of Donald Trump when you line up to bet.
PROS: When you win, you can afford to take her to that classy dinner. And have lots of money left over to buy more Hentai DVDs.
CONS: If you lose, you’ll be dating Donald Trump in the privacy of your own room.
Rob a bank – This is probably the simplest solution to your problem. Borrow some of your girlfriend’s stockings, put it over your head, get one of those cheap Chinese-made Swiss Army Knives that you’ve been collecting (you can finally use ‘em!) go to the bank, and scream “This is a stickup! I want your money!”
PROS: Instant payback. You might even make a customer or two wet their pants in fright. You might get a big bag of cash. If you’re lucky, you might scare the bank manager into opening the vault for you. Wee!
CONS: You = Cheap Chinese-made Swiss Army Knife. Bank = Five security guards armed with shotguns.
You do the math.
Manliness: 9/10 (Stockings are gay, though)
Do you have more miser-rific tips to share? Comment away!
UPDATE: This article can also be seen at The Man Blog.