Hey guys, remember Schmade? You know, that dude who gets laughed at while he buys condoms and he is so totally not me? Yeah, that loser. You see he was talking to Schnoelle (who is so totally not Noelle) just a while ago and the following conversation ensued:

SCHMADE: is it just me or is Maria Ozawa’s butt kinda… unreal?
SCHNOELLE: what if she isn’t even a real person? LOL
SCHMADE: you mean that butt I’ve been staring at all this time isn’t real?!:O
SCHMADE: and i fell for that?!:O
SCHNOELLE: you stare at buttS?
SCHMADE: I… I don’t.
SCHNOELLE: yeah, right.
SCHMADE: Look, she probably gave God a boner when he sculpted that butt ok?
SCHNOELLE: ok, filing that away for later blackmail.
SCHMADE: a butt of lies.
SCHNOELLE: it would be funnier if you said “a butt… OF LIES!!!”
SCHMADE: fine. Here goes.
SCHMADE: a butt… OF LIES!!!111one

butt of lies
Butt of lies?

SCHMADE: …naaah, not funny when it comes from me
SCHNOELLE: but it is!!!
SCHNOELLE: BUTT it is
SCHMADE: gimme a moment while i think up of a reBUTTal!
SCHNOELLE: I’ve got BUTTerflies in my stomach
SCHMADE: I want a nice BUTT of coffee (i got nothin’)
SCHNOELLE: yeah.
SCHNOELLE: Punning really undoes your BUTTons doesn’t it?
SCHMADE: yeah. that’s the truth and nothing BUTT.
SCHNOELLE: I was afraid to ASSume.
SCHMADE: Yeah, but the truth is as slippery as BUTTer.
SCHNOELLE: I’m scraping the BOTTOM of the barrel, coming up with nothing na
SCHMADE:
SCNOELLE: …
SCHMADE: Okay, I’ve hit rock BOTTOM.
SCHNOELLE: BUMmer.

Judging from the conversation above, I have seen that Ade – fuck, I mean Schmade – probably needs to stop talking to women to prevent future litigation. He should also lay off the stupid puns. Schmade, buddy, if you’re reading this, you have to work harder at being funny.

Puns are at the BOTTOM of the humor hierarchy. Come on, you could do better if you don’t want to become the BUTT of jokes. You have to be FANNYer. Jokes don’t come from an ASSembly line, you know. It isn’t eASSy, BUTT if you can work hard, you can rise from the CRACKS at the BOTTOM. Learn to ANALyze.

So in conclusion: BUTTS. TOTALLY.