The scenario

Lunchtime was just about over, and hordes of office drones are rushing to the elevator to get back to work (and by “work” I mean “surfing Friendster all day, looking for hot chicks to stalk”). People just want to go back and stalk that hot half-naked chick who looks like she’s been in a scandal which they saw on work. Elevators are sometimes amazingly slow. Oh wait, I mean “all the time.” Tempers are rising as people impatiently tap their feet on the ground floor.


After a long and excruciating wait, an elevator opens, and everyone is stoked to see only one guy inside. The twenty people who have been waiting for an elevator quickly move in.


This pretty much happened

Somehow, nobody realized that the sole person inside the lift is an asshole. You see, before anybody else could get in the elevator, he pushes a button and the doors slam in front of the crowd’s collective noses.

We can only imagine the guy screaming “BWAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU WILL NOT HINDER MY QUICK EXIT TO MY FLOOR, YOU PEOPLE. I HAVE OUTSMARTED YOU ALL!” and doing some sort of victory dance as the crowd let out a collective groan. Somebody (me) even screamed “AY POTANGENA NAMAN GAGO YUN AH!”

Well, that was before somebody noticed that the the elevator was actually going down to the basement, instead of up to the offices.


By the time the elevator got back to the ground floor, it opened up and standing in one corner was the asshole who tried to outsmart everyone else on the floor. He sheepishly gave the crowd and awkward grin and a shrug as everyone glared at him and basically squeezed him (hard) against the wall.

crowded elevator

“Excuse me ma’am, but you seem to have stepped
on somebody’s face- oh, wait. It’s HIM. Carry on.”

All’s well in the world. Well, that was until some woman leans on the elevator console and accidentally presses all of the buttons.

Now, children, there is a lesson to be learned here. Never fuck with an impatient crowd who want to do nothing else but to log on to Friendster and surf porn.

What about you, what are your elevator experiences? Tell me about it.

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