Q: What is it?

A: Valentine’s Day is that one day of the year when everybody gets googly-eyed and start talking about things like love, romance, and all that. It is also the day the motel and condom industries make a killing. Also, the Department of Health should also investigate because asthma and diabetes cases increase on that day because of the sheer number of flowers and chocolates sold on that day.

Q: Geez, what’s with the red?

A: You see, Valentine’s is the day when emos proliferate. Emos, if you aren’t familiar, are creatures from the deep who wear weird haircuts and black t-shirts and listen to crappy music like My Chemical Romance.

They are also into the lost art of wrist slashing. And what comes out when you slash your wrists? Blood. And what is the color of blood?


Q: Let’s say I get a date on V-day. What should I do to make my date happy?

A: Ok, let’s say theoretically you get a date, because I don’t think you’d be able to get one, loser that you are. I suggest that you get your wallet out and tell the florist, restaurant and motel to help themselves. Then you screw the shit out of your (theoretical) girl. but of course your date has an STD and you forgot to wear a condom so you die of syphilis in the morning. LOL.

Q: What are good Valentine’s date movies?

A: I’m glad you asked. There are a lot of movies that offer variety and depth when you want to catch a film on that day:

  • Guy and Girl Meet, Break Up, and Get Back Together
  • A Couple Falls in Love, Break Up, and Gets Back Together
  • A Date Movie: How Me and my Girl Break Up and get Back Together

Q: Um, ok. So what happens on that day?

A: Teenage pregnancies increase.

Q: Huh?

A: People get laid. Why? Don’t you get laid on Valentine’s?

Q: …

A: Loser.

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