As you may know, a very insistent person had been calling me a few months back, and was pestering me so much that I felt it appropriate to write a sincere and heartfelt letter to her/him/it/whatever. Well, my so-caller stalker stopped pestering me days after I posted the letter, which is a good sign that he/she/it/whatever got the message. And gave up.

How was I supposed to know that it’s gonna be the beginning of an even creepier incident?

Before I start to tell my story, let me assure you all that I’m not homophobic or antisocial or anything. But of course I value my privacy as much as you all do. I have no qualms about making new friends, in fact I enjoy meeting new people, but I’d rather meet them personally or through the internet. If I meet them personally, I’d know them right away and see if that person is a nutcase or something. If I meet them through the web, I could scrutinize the person through a filter before trusting them with my contact details. A person calling me out of nowhere and asking to be her friend/boyfriend/textmate isn’t really giving me an incentive to trust her. Cellphone “friend finders” aren’t really my thing, and it’s too close for comfort for me.

Last night, I was sleeping peacefully when my phone rang. Since I was too sleepy to check the caller ID, I just answered the call. I thought it was my girlfriend or my boss. Well, it was 12:30 am, and nobody in his right mind would disturb anyone unless it was important. Imagine my surprise when a man was on the other end. He only said hello, and did not talk.

Of course, I did the only sensible thing: hang up.

Then he texted me.

“Why did you hang up? Am I disturbing you?”

Oh, not really, I thought. It’s just that you are intruding on my precious sleeping time, and I just got back from my girlfriend’s house, which is a good three hours away from my home. So I’m dead tired. I need to sleep.

But naturally, I didn’t answer.

The he called again.

In my desire to get back to sleep, I answered the phone and screamed: “I’m not interested!” Then I hung up again.

He texted me again:

“Is this Michael? Coz a friend gave me your number and said that you are Michael. If not, I am sorry to disturb you.”

Sigh. Talk about a pathetic excuse. Case solved. Now can I get some sleep, jerk? Find your “Michael” somewhere else.

The he texted again.

“If you are not Michael, may you give me your name?”

Holy nuclear crap! What?!

Hoping that no response would send the weirdo a clue, I ignored him. Then my phone beeped again.

“It seems to me that you are SUPLADO (snob)! FYI, that is my ideal man. I like suplados. Just give me a sign that you are not. Even a smiley message would do. :)”

He actually thinks that I’m flirting?! What. The. Friggin’. Hell?!

Another beep.

“I’m waiting…”

Whatever. I’ll just ignore the damn phone and get back to sleep.

Then after a few minutes of quiet, the phone rang again. This time, I was too creeped out that I immediately rejected the call. Then he called again. I rejected it again. Call. Reject. Repeat the cycle twice.

Finally, I did the thing that I should’ve done ages ago: I turned my phone off.

But since I was expecting a call from my girlfriend when she wakes up, I turned it on again 30 minutes later. And at last… GOLDEN SILENCE! Finally satisfied that the creep has finally lost interest, I went to sleep.

I woke up late today, and the first thing I did was check my phone. I saw 3 missed calls, and I thought: “My girlfriend called me thrice and I wasn’t able to wake up and answer!”

It wasn’t her. Guess who called?

The next time the loser calls me, I’m gonna plaster his phone number everywhere. As in EVERYWHERE. I’m gonna post it on buses, bathroom walls, phone booths, waiting sheds, and many other high-visibility areas. And I’ll label the jerk’s number with a solicitation for phone sex.

Thinking about it, I may be actually sending the @$$#013 to paradise, but then, there’s a slight chance a totally unhinged serial murderer who idolizes Hannibal Lecter might get ahold of his number. Oh, joy.