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Inner Child Therapy: New Year’s Resolutions 2010

11 Jan

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This entry is part 8 of 8 in the series Inner Child Therapy

INNER CHILD: So, Ade, what are your New Year’s resolutions for 2010?
ME: I dunno kid, I’m not really into making resolutions.
INNER CHILD: WHAT? You suck. Don’t be a fucking fornicating shit-eating faggot and try to improve yourself for the new decade!
ME: … that has got to be the most obscene stream of words I’ve ever heard coming out of your mouth.
INNER CHILD: Even more obscene than “horse-fucking twat sucking clit fucker shitface?” Because that’s what I think whenever I hear your name.
ME: …
INNER CHILD: In case you haven’t figured it out, it’s because I think you’re a horse-fucking twat sucking clit fucker shitface.
ME: …
INNER CHILD: So, make a new year’s resolution already, you asshole. Try to make your life suck less this 2010. I know you got a new laptop and all you wanna do is to tweak the shit out of it and kill zombies with plants, but come on, you’re better than that. (more…)