Noisy, Noisy Man

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Where do I start?

When I walked into the mall to watch Knowing, I saw a poster that had text written on 3/4 of it, vaguely trying to explain the movie’s plot. Wait. Why do you need to explain the movie’s plot on a poster with a paragraph? That was red flag #1.

Then, I saw this, in big letters: “From Summit, the makers of Twilight.” That does not bode well.

On paper, I thought it was an awesome concept: a bunch of numbers, buried in the ground via a time capsule, predicts various catastrophes. The numbers are so accurate that it tells you the the date, number of deaths, and exact location of the said catastrophes. Read the rest of this entry »

When you ask me what my favorite movie is, I’d probably stay quiet for a while and give you some pretentious artsy shit like City of God, or even the incomprehensible Babel to impress you. And if you happen to possess a vagina, I’d probably even name Orson Welles and Akira Kurosawa as my favorite directors so I can get into your pants, even though my only experience with these directors was when I snored through Citizen Kane and when I wanked off at the rape scene in Rashomon. (Shut up. 1950’s Japanese rape scene is STILL a Japanese rape scene.)

Yeah, I name all those films I can even barely understand so I can pass off as an artsy dude who gets all the ladies who swoon at a film freak. So far, I managed to nail one: Joan, the girl who sells popcorn at the Cineplex in SM San Lazaro, and she technically doesn’t have a vajajay. Also, Joan may or may not be her real name. For all we know, it might be “Juan”, but I refuse to elaborate any further. Read the rest of this entry »

There’s this thing about raised expectations. I remember when I spent a year anticipating Spider-Man 3, following every single bit of news about it. My expectations were raised to an all-time high when watched it. Then I got Peter Parker dancing in the streets. Boo.

Which brings us to The Dark Knight. I’ve been so stoked by Batman Begins that I was looking for a sequel already the moment I saw it. So imagine me expecting a movie for three years. The goddamn expectations alone are giving me a nosebleed.

Basically, I was expecting too much of The Dark Knight that I was afraid that it was going to suck. Read the rest of this entry »