Noisy, Noisy Man

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There’s this small cafeteria I go to during lunch time. Aside from the fact that the food there tastes more or less home-cooked, the price is perfect for a cheapskate like me. Also, the building where the cafeteria is located is a few buildings away from my office and the place is infested with hot women. Is there a rule where all the hot women of Ortigas Center stay in that one building and they all avoid the place where this fat sweaty dude works?

Since the food there is cheap, I usually get a bad case of the gas after lunch time. I usually deal with this by silently releasing it in a series of small farts on the way back to the office. When I get back to my cubicle, I sit with a satisfied grin on my face, content that my little spurts of doom went by unnoticed.

Unrelated picture is unrelated

Anyway, the cafeteria is on the second floor. To save time, I don’t use the elevator and instead I go up the fire exit, because using the elevator to go up one floor is one of the most annoyingly stupid things on my list. Read the rest of this entry »

Random memory from 18 years ago:

Apparently, I thought I was born in the year of the rabbit and had a strange obsession with the animal. Hell, I even thought my buck teeth were indicative of the fact that I am a rabbit made man (let’s keep away from the awkward furry implications from that last statement and we’d all be happy campers, people). Anyway, this strange obsession with rabbits made 7-year old me go hop around the house and make rabbit noises. This apparently drove my folks crazy, because next thing I knew they bought me a big white rabbit. No, really, the rabbit was fucking huge. Read the rest of this entry »

So I realized I’ve been ranting too much on this blog. Well, if you did spend the morning commute with some schmuck’s armpit stuck to your face, you’d probably be ranting as much as I would first thing when you open up your blog, but that’s beside the point. You see, I’ve had a few recent complaints about the world that I haven’t blogged about lately, like humongous people (you know, people fatter than me) who block my way when I’m walking in a very narrow alleyway (also, I was late for work too), the girlfriend staying in Bryan Adams territory for a couple of weeks (TMB peeps: your company, with lots of beer to pass the time, is highly appreciated), or the drugstores that put their prettiest salesladies near the condom shelf, ensuing hilarity and judging, piercing stares when I go over and pick up one look at the display out of curiosity.

Read the rest of this entry »

Hey guys, remember Schmade? You know, that dude who gets laughed at while he buys condoms and he is so totally not me? Yeah, that loser. You see he was talking to Schnoelle (who is so totally not Noelle) just a while ago and the following conversation ensued:

SCHMADE: is it just me or is Maria Ozawa’s butt kinda… unreal?
SCHNOELLE: what if she isn’t even a real person? LOL
SCHMADE: you mean that butt I’ve been staring at all this time isn’t real?!:O
SCHMADE: and i fell for that?!:O
SCHNOELLE: you stare at buttS?
SCHMADE: I… I don’t.
SCHNOELLE: yeah, right.
SCHMADE: Look, she probably gave God a boner when he sculpted that butt ok?
SCHNOELLE: ok, filing that away for later blackmail.
SCHMADE: a butt of lies.
SCHNOELLE: it would be funnier if you said “a butt… OF LIES!!!”
SCHMADE: fine. Here goes.
SCHMADE: a butt… OF LIES!!!111one

Butt of lies?

Read the rest of this entry »

Flashback to a few months ago:

So The Mordo and I were hanging out at the McDonald’s near the office. Also, we were taking shelter from the rain (and we were finding an excuse to not go back to work) when this Kylie Minogue song played on the muzak. Since we consider ourselves experts on nothing more then the female body and all the joys it imparts, The Mordo and I had a discussion on the apparent hotness of Kylie Minogue (FYI: she’s still hot).

This image is meant to get your attention

Anyway, in the middle of a debate on whether or not a masectomy can reduce Kylie Minogue’s overall hotness (it won’t), we had this rather… interesting discussion:

Mordo: “Listen to her voice, Ade”

Ade: “Yeah, I am, what about it?”

Mordo: “Can’t you hear the hotness?”

Ade: “Er… what?!”

Mordo: “No, listen! Kylie Minogue’s hotness! It oozes out of her voice!” Read the rest of this entry »