Noisy, Noisy Man

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As you all know, I’m a pretty big Harry Potter fan. Shut up. Anyway, Harry Potter is probably the only fandom right now that has more vicious fanatics than Twilight, because I never see Twilight movie tickets being presold a week before the showing.

But anyway, my point is that Harry Potter is opening today, dammit. And I haven’t bought any tickets yet. And I am not willing to wait for an hour for tickets just to sit in a cramped cinema, with some kid with a bad cold sitting beside me, trying to remind me of his existence (and the snot that’s flowing down his nose) every time he inhales.

And when the most exciting part of the movie comes, the kid will get bored, wail to his parents that he wants to pee/go home/eat a burger/my foot in his face/whack off. And when one kid wails, this sets off a chain reaction. I don’t know how they do that. One kid cries, and the next thing you know, you’re in the middle of a cacophony of ear-bleeding shrieks. Fucking kids.

But really, I do not want to miss Harry Potter 6. I mean, as much as I’m a big fan, I want to watch it in IMAX as well, so I can get to see Emma Watson’s boobs in 3-D. What.

Of course, I’m a good citizen and I won’t go to your friendly neighborhood prated DVD shops just to get a shaky cam capture of the movie. Heck, if I wanted to replicate the movie experience, I might as well brave the long lines and the hyperactive kids. No, I shall not break the law buy buying a pirated DVD. Okay, that sexual harassment thing’s another story, but whatev. Read the rest of this entry »

So after a week of (unsuccessfully) avoiding spoilers, I finally decided to finally go and watch the latest Star Trek movie. So the girlfriend was unavailable and I had nobody else to watch it with, which is why I went to the cinema alone. I tell you, it can get pretty awkward. I went, all alone, to a movie which is notorious to have a massive fanbase composed of reputed virgins.

“Hi, I’m here to talk to you about my penis.”

Also, have I ever mentioned that crowds scare the shit out of me? Yeah, I hate it when crowds become all crowd-like and become composed of lots of people. I get uneasy and and shiver and cringe. Ok, not really, but I still hate crowds. So to prevent people from thinking that I’m some loser who goes off reading Star Trek wikis in between the Picard/Kirk erotic fanfic, I decided to act nonchalant.

In fact, if somebody was to talk to me about how awesome the film was, I was planning to answer “You mean this is a space adventure film? I thought it was going to be filled with weird human-alien tentacle sex! Just the way me and my… harem of hot girls like it!” Read the rest of this entry »

Where do I start?

When I walked into the mall to watch Knowing, I saw a poster that had text written on 3/4 of it, vaguely trying to explain the movie’s plot. Wait. Why do you need to explain the movie’s plot on a poster with a paragraph? That was red flag #1.

Then, I saw this, in big letters: “From Summit, the makers of Twilight.” That does not bode well.

On paper, I thought it was an awesome concept: a bunch of numbers, buried in the ground via a time capsule, predicts various catastrophes. The numbers are so accurate that it tells you the the date, number of deaths, and exact location of the said catastrophes. Read the rest of this entry »

This is how I describe Watchmen: IT FUCKING ROCKED.

Because every poster needs to have somebody beating the shit out of a 67-year old guy.

Yes, amazingly, the guy who brought the fun, yet ultimately brainless film “300,” was able to bring the most important graphic novel (a.k.a. sequential art’s BIBLE) to the big screen. It’s not perfect, but this is the closest adaptation anybody could possibly come up with. And my boner is satisfied.

But before I go on with the rest of the review, please indulge me as I rant a bit about the R-13 with cuts rating that the movie got in the Philippines. So they left in the gratuitous violence, the nudity, and heck, they even left in Dr. Manhattan’s blue uncircumcised wang, but they had to cut out most of the sex scene? Seriously? So it’s ok that 13-year olds see lots of blood splattering and bones being broken and a guy being fried in boiling oil, but not the sex? Really?!
Read the rest of this entry »

There’s this thing about raised expectations. I remember when I spent a year anticipating Spider-Man 3, following every single bit of news about it. My expectations were raised to an all-time high when watched it. Then I got Peter Parker dancing in the streets. Boo.

Which brings us to The Dark Knight. I’ve been so stoked by Batman Begins that I was looking for a sequel already the moment I saw it. So imagine me expecting a movie for three years. The goddamn expectations alone are giving me a nosebleed.

Basically, I was expecting too much of The Dark Knight that I was afraid that it was going to suck. Read the rest of this entry »