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Dear dude who was fingering his girlfriend on the MRT,

First off, I applaud you. It takes much effort to doodle the noodle in public. Really. I mean, with all the people around seeing you excavate the Tunnel of Love, it takes guts. You’ve got balls of steel to solder on while people turn away in disgust.

You see, I was beside you today while waiting for the train. You, me, your girlfriend, and a huge crowd. I kinda knew you were double-clicking her mouse because she was squirming all over the damn place. Hiding her crotch with her big-ass bag was a nice touch, though. It really made the scene more obvious, but still, nice touch.

No, I wasn’t talking about your touch. Ass.

So finally, the train entered the station (hyuk, hyuk, I made a funneh) and I tried to get away as far from you two as possible. Goddammit, why the hell did you two decide to get a seat in front of me where I can see you two flip the light switch repeatedly? And OF COURSE you had to stop digging in so you two can put on shades. Yeah, like that’ll hide your identity. Very subtle, really. (more…)

Let me get this out of my chest: Valentine’s Day is a big crock of shit.

Sure, it feels good dedicating one whole day to love. And of course, if you’ve got dates and all, it wouldn’t hurt to blow a fortune on flowers, chocolates, various stuffed animals, and motel fees just to make your beloved feel good. Maybe I’m just a bit bitter because I did spend a fortune on that stuff (except for the motel fees; I’m a God-fearing citizen who believes in abstinence) and for all intents and purposes I’ll be sucking dicks along EDSA for 20 pesos a pop just to get through the rest of the month.

Women love it when men go out of their way to spend loads of money for something impractical and will rot for a few days. And us men would want nothing more than the adulation and happiness (read: blowjobs) that comes out of that herculean effort. I strongly believe I could save my time by going up to my girlfriend and dumping the entire contents of my wallet in a paper shredder while screaming “I LOVE YOU! SEE?! I’M DESTROYING MY LIFE SAVINGS FOR YOU! ALSO PAY FOR DINNER BECAUSE I’M OFFICIALLY BROKE”. (more…)

Seriously, there’s no better way to kick off February’s round of Valentine’s-related posts than a couple of letters from our favorite advice column for those funny-looking kids we like to laugh at and kick around and lovingly call emos, Down The Highway!

Dear DtH,

- L0n3L3Y_3m0_gUrL_254641xoxo (more…)

Seriously, I don’t get horoscopes. Sure, I know why people go gaga over it. Nothing feels better than being told “you’ll meet the man of your dreams when you get a new job but you’ll get money problems so you better be careful about your money”. But yeah, won’t we all have money problems if we don’t take care of our finances?

Horoscopes sometimes do wonderful things, like stating the painfully obvious. The weird thing is, sometimes, people don’t even realize how obvious things are until it strips in front of them while dancing the Macarena.

Take for instance this old horoscope reading Sorsi gave me. 2008 just rolled in, things were falling into place after the disaster 2007 was, and I was hopeful. Then Sorsi opens her horoscope guide and lets out this scorcher: “Ade, according to the stars you’ll lose something very valuable. Take care of your stuff. Seriously. This is fucking real. Also, you smell like dick cheese.”

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Here’s something that all my friends in real life know about me but don’t reveal too much on the web:

I love The Beatles. Yes, those four guys (and two of them are dead) with the weird hairdos who sing in harmonies and “She Loves You” and smoke weed and basically what grumpy old men in their 70s listen to.

Finished laughing already? No? Okay!

Ok, so I just bought their new album LOVE, expecting a tired, random “The Beatles, Remixed” package. I knew it was a mashup album, but I still wasn’t expecting too much of it. I knew George Martin and his son Giles produced the 26-track album , but even though George Martin was the original producer of most of the Beatles’ songs, I still thought I wouldn’t be impressed. So why did I buy it in the first place? I’m a big fan (as I stated already), and since this is being touted as “the first Beatles album since 1970″, I just had to listen to it. So how was LOVE?

Let me just tell you this: “The Beatles, Remixed” it was not. It was something else. Totally indescribable.

Unlike my previous reviews, I won’t give you a song-by-song review of the album because the album is just one whole medley and each track being a jumble of sounds from other songs, and breaking down each track and talking about the strengths and weaknesses of each would be an exercise in futility.

So I’ll just say what I like and don’t like about LOVE.

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