Noisy, Noisy Man

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If all this hulabaloo we’re hearing on the internet and Wikipedia is true, then the world is about to end on December 21, 2012. No, seriously. It says so on the Mayan Calendar. In fact, if you check this site out, you’d get some really informative stuff like this:

Q – According to Mayan calculations, when (in our calendar) is the world due to end?

The end of the Mayan Great Cycle after the completion of the 12th Bak’tum. It’s either the 21st or 23rd December, 2012 depending on whether you use the 584,285 or 584,283 correlation coefficient.

So, that clearly states that The Long Jump Calendar predicts a great cataclysm and that- wait. I didn’t get it. Let’s try again:

Clearly, the Maya put a great deal of work into this cycle, and it appears that they were warning us that this cycle causes periodic, massive cataclysms. The more we find out about this cycle, the more we want to know when it will be. Then we know that we can stop going to work, put on a pair of shorts, sit out and relax in a lawn chair and wait for the end of time, quietly sipping a lemonade [or perhaps something a lot stronger.]

Holy shitballs! You mean the Mayans, through the power of math, have figured out that massive cataclysms will happen? I knew I should’ve paid attention to math back in high school. For all we know I could’ve been predicting the end of the world instead of writing dick jokes on the internet. Read the rest of this entry »

Ladies and gentlemen, meet the Large Hadron Collider.

Guess what this weird-looking contraption is for? Well, aside from making jokes about it becoming the biggest bait for “large hard-on” jokes, it’s probably the most awesome thing ever. Before it kills us.

The Large Hadron Collider (LHC) is the world’s largest and highest-energy particle accelerator complex, intended to collide opposing beams of protons charged with approximately 7 TeV of energy. Its main purpose is to explore the validity and limitations of the Standard Model, the current theoretical picture for particle physics. It is theorized that the collider will produce the Higgs boson, the observation of which could confirm the predictions and missing links in the Standard Model, and could explain how other elementary particles acquire properties such as mass.

Make any sense? No? Okay, to make things easier to my readers who don’t have a degree in quantum physics (I’m pretty sure there’s a couple out there), the Large Hadron Collider basically tries to make protons run in a very large oval. A fucking large oval. An oval with a 17-mile circumference, to be exact. Read the rest of this entry »