Noisy, Noisy Man

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If you’ve been following my blog for the longest time you would know that I’ve been making one wrong decision after another, and today I decided to turn my life around. This epiphany that I had this morning is almost like waking up next to Emma Watson.

But, really. I woke up this morning, looked for Emma Watson, was slightly pissed off because she wasn’t there, and – BAM – epiphany. This is probably the most important decision I have ever made and I shall share it with all of you.

Today, I decided to eat salad.

What.

Anyway, what is up with those plastic containers salads are served in? Every salad I buy lately gets progressively harder to open. Somehow, the container gets progressively tighter every time I try prying them open.

These fuckers.

I wish those stupid containers would just open up easily and give up those treasures they contain within. Just like, you know, your mom. Read the rest of this entry »

As most of you know, I love food. You know, you can take one glance at my humongous frame and you’d probably conclude that I love food. Also, the five chilidogs I have in my mouth would be a pretty good giveaway. In fact, I love food so much I could probably name a few (twenty) sexual deviations involving food that I probably have don’t have.

Who would’ve thought that my love for food would actually be a social impediment?

I was eating in KFC with Wits and Baddie, stuffing our faces as usual with chicken and discussing the merits of KY Jelly when applied to financial situations in the context of the current global economic meltdown. Don’t ask.

So we soon realized that we ran out of gravy. And somehow there was only one gravy thermos in a floor of around fifty gravy-eating customers. Fifty murderous gravy-eating customers who are desperate for it. Read the rest of this entry »

The girlfriend and I love this quaint little restaurant near her school. The place serves awesome pasta, ginormous porkchops, and their specialty, buffalo wings. You see, I love buffalo wings. If there was a kid in chicken wing school who bullied all those nerdy asthmatic chicken wings and gave them wedgies, it must be the buffalo wings. I swear, they have an almost genetic advantage in terms of awesomeness over all those plain stupid fried chicken wings. And let’s not get started on how wimpy and lame-ass tinola wings are. Sheesh.

Anyway, for the longest time, their menu has piqued my curiosity. Okay, anything with food names written on it makes me curious and horny, but you didn’t need to know that. So my point is that this restaurant serves the most number of buffalo wing variations ever. All my life I thought that there was only one kind of buffalo wings, and that it is heavenly enough already.

Turns out I’ve been living a lie all along. You see, there are four varieties of buffalo wings. And one of them is called “Wild”. Yes, wild. Like your mom last night. Read the rest of this entry »